View Full Version : chuck norris

03-14-2006, 07:52 PM
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.

Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.

There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.

When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.

Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.

A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.

When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.

Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)

Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won't be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women.

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.

Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.

In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be

Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.

If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words.

Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.

Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.

When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.

While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.

Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography.

When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.

When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.

Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."

Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.

Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.

For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.

Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.

When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 8000.

Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face.

Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down!

In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.

Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.

Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.

Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris"

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.

If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.

Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds.

Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.

Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.

The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.

It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill you.

Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in his way.

The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.

There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.

Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.

When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around people. He walks through them.

Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.

James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decendents now have white hair.

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.

03-14-2006, 09:42 PM
funny AS chuck norris is a really cool person

03-14-2006, 09:44 PM
yeah so you read? i got it from this site, there is even more


03-14-2006, 09:46 PM
Wow..... where did you get this.

Its so stupidly funny.

hehe Chuck Norris

03-14-2006, 09:47 PM
yeah so you read? i got it from this site, there is even more


I already said where i got it from

03-14-2006, 09:54 PM
rrreally interstesting ............ill check out the website

03-14-2006, 10:04 PM
I noticed.

Check the times when I posted,
posted after reading it all, so came hear before anyone replied.

03-15-2006, 04:27 AM
chuck norris...
imagine... making fun a chuck norris...

03-15-2006, 04:29 AM
nice!!! i like that!

03-15-2006, 05:06 PM
lol thx my cuz informed me about it

03-15-2006, 05:10 PM
Wow..... where did you get this.

Its so stupidly funny.

hehe Chuck Norris
mostly what he said

03-15-2006, 07:37 PM
lol if someone thinks this is stupid im gonna roundhouse kick them in the face who's with me?

03-15-2006, 08:57 PM
uh.....i am dont wanna be wacked in the face lol

03-15-2006, 09:32 PM
lol yeah neither do i >.>

03-15-2006, 09:35 PM
i thought yyour the one who is gonnna wack ppl o well *chuck norris grabs a broom and wacks amburame*

03-15-2006, 09:37 PM
owwww Dx lol you spelled my name wrong :(

03-15-2006, 09:37 PM
can i just calll u AS?

03-15-2006, 09:38 PM
sure why not >.<

03-15-2006, 09:39 PM
yay!im gonna come up with a chuck norris thing hm...

03-15-2006, 09:40 PM
yeah ill try too.........

03-15-2006, 09:46 PM
chuck norris can play jokes but he doesnt play them till someone tries to fool him?

03-15-2006, 09:51 PM
close but no cigar

-why were cars invented? -to get away from chuck norris, but chuck norris saw through the evil plot against him and thus, the car crash was invented

-vin diesel, arnold schwarzeneggar, and chuck norris were in heaven, god asked which one of you deserves to sit in the chair next to me?
Vin Diesel - I do, because I'm a good actor.
Arnold - I do, because of all my accomplishments.
Chuck Norris - I believe you're sitting in my seat.

When chuck norris came out of his moms womb he roundhouse kicked the doctor in the face, and said "nobody delivers chuck norris, but chuck norris"

03-15-2006, 09:51 PM
thats wat my teacher says one of them along time ago

03-15-2006, 09:52 PM
lol haha i thought em up ;0

03-15-2006, 09:53 PM
no i the no cigar thing...

03-15-2006, 09:53 PM
wow....just wow.

overly obsessed with Chuck Norris.

I really, really hope you actually know who he is, and seen all of his movies.

03-15-2006, 09:54 PM
I know who he is, I know his movies and show suck balltastically.. but those facts just make him seem so awesome... I'm not obsessed, just easily persuaded.

03-15-2006, 09:57 PM
aka obsessed dude.

80% of the people don't even know who Chuck Norris is

they're like " OMFG, CHUCK NORRIS *FAP*"

03-15-2006, 09:58 PM
Walker: Texas Ranger star... it's a horrible show, makes me vomit always. ;0
heres a pic


well im logging off bb

03-15-2006, 10:00 PM
uh bye and i kno who chuck norris is

03-15-2006, 10:00 PM

hehe, Chuck Norris looks....gah.

he is so overly used.

like in the Ultimate Showdown.

03-15-2006, 10:16 PM
ok just making sure

Akatsuki Shinobi
03-16-2006, 08:34 AM
lol, chuck norris, lol, this was funny to read, thanks A-S

03-16-2006, 02:26 PM
it was a bit boring once i read alittle ..tho but i was good

Nuerhachi Niru
03-16-2006, 02:31 PM
HAH!!!!DBVIK;GAEORKV...fell off my chair!HA, HA! Man, I'm feeling funny today...

03-16-2006, 02:35 PM
i have no idea of wat yuor talking about yuor said ********
fell off yuor chair

Nuerhachi Niru
03-16-2006, 03:58 PM
Sorry, when i fell i tried to hold on to the desk & hit the keys!

03-16-2006, 04:05 PM
lol yuor a cluts

03-16-2006, 05:14 PM
yeah you are lol, so yuo guys like the facts about chuck norris?

03-16-2006, 05:16 PM

03-21-2006, 07:53 PM
whats up with the "wtf"

03-24-2006, 12:15 AM
I love these jokes!!! It's the new craze with my friends.

03-24-2006, 12:43 AM
ROFL! this shit is funny. xD.

03-24-2006, 05:10 PM
I love these jokes!!! It's the new craze with my friends.
Ditto :rolleyes:

03-25-2006, 10:47 AM
lol i have another one, but im not sure if its on there


oh yeah

when you search for chuck norris on google, google can't find chuck norris but chuck norris can find you then roundhouse kick you the face

03-25-2006, 01:32 PM
That's a god one.

03-25-2006, 09:42 PM
I hate the jokes, Chuck Norris sucks...... Arnold on the other hand...

Why does no one suck Chuck Norris? Because Chuck Norris is already sucking himself.

now thats funny.

03-25-2006, 09:48 PM
Somewhat dumb, somewhat funny. ^^

03-26-2006, 05:18 PM
I hate the jokes, Chuck Norris sucks...... Arnold on the other hand...

Why does no one suck Chuck Norris? Because Chuck Norris is already sucking himself.

now thats funny.
Not funny.

Nuerhachi Niru
03-29-2006, 07:38 PM
U want 2 know why no one suck Chuck Norris? Because Chuck Norris would give them a roundhouse kick to the face, that's why.

05-18-2007, 08:58 AM
If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
Results 1 - 10 of about 199,000 for Chuck (http://www.google.com.au/url?sa=X&oi=dict&q=http://www.answers.com/chuck%26r%3D67&usg=AFrqEzfe-I788q9k2s8ToXrVsgYbfJS6Ag) Norris (http://www.google.com.au/url?sa=X&oi=dict&q=http://www.answers.com/norris%26r%3D67&usg=AFrqEzdknU_HPipRtdRAK6ProZYW45-GrQ) getting (http://www.google.com.au/url?sa=X&oi=dict&q=http://www.answers.com/getting%26r%3D67&usg=AFrqEzdWykwrWfhIWbrcT_2GlbvGqulSJQ) his ass (http://www.google.com.au/url?sa=X&oi=dict&q=http://www.answers.com/ass%26r%3D67&usg=AFrqEzcZ1J_XY-dLnp5jbGEFnGdD20n4WA) kicked (http://www.google.com.au/url?sa=X&oi=dict&q=http://www.answers.com/kicked%26r%3D67&usg=AFrqEzcL8e9acnWvYJGytv37F07Fconbrg). (0.05 seconds)

05-18-2007, 02:14 PM

05-19-2007, 06:56 PM
haha, chuck norris rules

Sora Akiramaru
05-26-2007, 02:20 PM
lol if someone thinks this is stupid im gonna roundhouse kick them in the face who's with me?

Can I get Chuck Norris to join the CNRhK frenzy? Only he has perfected its lethal power.

Here are more facts:

Pangea never split because of earthquakes. Chuck Norris gave Pangea a Roundhouse Kick, which strangely created Hawaii.

New Jersey used to be "New New York," but Chuck Norris gave it a Roundhouse Kick.