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shurikenmaster 04-14-2006 09:28 AM

my awesome naruto fanfic so far!!!!
ok this is it so far

srry its kinda long....okay really long


"Sasuke, I challenge you to a fight to the death or surrender," Naruto exclaimed.
"I accept," Sasuke replied,” what are the rules?"
"Okay, if it ends in surrender, the loser must take up the others status. AKA, when I win you fight for good. If I lose," he chuckled,” I’ll join Akatsuki. Got it?"
"Okay, but to make it more interesting, when I win, you fight Sakura, and if I lose, like that'll happen, I’ll fight Orochimaru!"
"Fine,"Naruto answered," NOW BEGIN!" Both ninja leapt into action immediately, Sasuke dodging a shuriken barrage and Naruto avoiding Sakuke's ninja dog. "Nice trick," Naruto said,” how’d you pull that off so fast?"
"I already had it ready," Sasuke mocked.
“Cheater,” Naruto muttered under his breath just as a fuuma shuriken came flying past him. “Still using the same old moves, I see. You can’t win!”
Just then Sasuke proclaimed,” I’d like this to end fast so here goes. CHIDORI!!!”
His hand glowed like a thousand ramen shop signs. He flew at Naruto and swung. Naruto swept to the side causing Sasuke to miss. He had used so much strength that he flew into a cliff side and blew a huge hole in it.
“Well Naruto, it seems I have underestimated you,” claimed Sasuke, and in the blink of an eye he had yelled,” Sharingan! Now Naruto, you are no match.”
Naruto answered with,” Hah! Sasuke, you have just used three-fourths of your chakra with your chidori technique. Your Sharingan will be gone in an instant!”
“Oh, Naruto you are so foolish,” Sasuke noted as he plopped a soldier pill in his mouth.
“NO!” Naruto screamed, although Sasuke had already released a Dai shuriken from his hand. Naruto barely dodged it, but noticed it had scraped a line right through his forehead protector. “NO, the mark of the missing-nin! I have lost?”

Chapter 1
The Road to Fate

“Yes Naruto, it is over,” Sasuke snickered while returning his eyes back to normal.
“How can this happen? KILL ME SASUKE, I CAN’T FIGHT SAKURA, I love her,” Naruto screamed with tears bursting from his eyes.
“I’m sorry Naruto, but you made the conditions and you lost. Now face the consequences,” Sasuke yelled back.
“Goodbye Sasuke,” Naruto stated as he wearily pulled out a kunai. But Sasuke was fast on his feet and snatched it up as well as Naruto’s shuriken pouch.
“Ah.Ah.Ah. We can’t have you dead before you fight Sakura, now can we,” Sasuke threw in with a laugh.
“Sasuke, you do realize I will not fight Sakura. I will lose on purpose,” Naruto whispered.
“That may be true Naruto, but Akatsuki will ensure your victory,” Sasuke replied.
“What’re you gonna do, control me,” Naruto laughed.
“Precisely,” exclaimed Sasuke. Naruto panicked at the thought of fighting Sakura. He thought it might be his fist that took her down. But then he thought about how wise Sakura was and figured she would see through what was happening. And yet, he still wondered how they planned to control him.
Oh no, were they planning to use the guy that manipulated shadows? Were they planning to make Naruto destroy Sakura or just defeat her? These are the questions running through Naruto’s mind. These are his only fears!
“Okay Naruto, it’s time to go,” Sasuke stated,” Your “Bride” Awaits.HA!”
“I won’t go!” Naruto was angry now.
“The only way I’m goin’ is if you drag me there in your cold, bony hands!”
“Oh, it won’t be me, or any hands for that matter,” Sasuke said as he gestured to his right. There stood the leader of all snakes, Manda.
“O’ joy, I get to be dragged by a giant snake,” Naruto said sarcastically.

A While Later

“…are we there yet,” Naruto asked.
“No,” replied Sasuke.
“How about now?”
“SHUT UP NARUTO OR I’LL CUT YOUR TOUNGUE OUT,” Sasuke spat sinisterly. They’re they sat staring at each other with such anger their chakra was starting to become visible. Then suddenly Shikamaru, the master of shadows popped out of the trees, breaking both Naruto and Sasuke’s focus. “Ah, Shikamaru, I’m glad you’ve come to help with Sakura’s demise.”
Naruto wavered out, “Shikamaru, please tell me you’re here to help me and not because you are part of Akatsuki.”
“So sorry to disappoint you Naruto but I’ll be the one controlling you if you refuse to do the task assigned to you,” Shikamaru answered. Naruto could not believe how much Shikamaru had changed, his voice was deeper, he was taller, and Naruto would not want us to forget how thin his eyebrows had become. It all seemed so weird how in just three years so many of his past friends had joined Akatsuki, and how Gaara was Kazekage, and Tsunade Hokage. And we can’t forget his soon to be opponent Sakura. She had become a master of strength and medical jutsu. Three days then passed until they finally arrived.
“Shikamaru, stay here and watch Naruto while I scout the village for Sakura,” Sasuke stated.
“It will be done… Boss.” Naruto wondered what Shikamaru meant by boss. Had Sasuke overthrown Orochimaru and taken control, or was he simply ruling this particular mission. No matter what the case, Naruto didn’t like it.
“Shikamaru, why did you join Akatsuki,” Naruto said kindly, “you are not a bad person.”
“Shut up Naruto, you do not need to know of my life. You were never part of it!”
“Shikamaru, why do you have to help Sasuke, and what did you mean by boss?”
“Wouldn’t you like to know,” Shikamaru laughed in. Naruto ignored this and wondered what he would do in his fight with Sakura. As time went by, he came up with nothing. Suddenly, Sasuke popped out of the trees and landed right in front of Naruto.
“Well Naruto, I have found Sakura and told her of your challenge, and guess what. She accepted,” Sasuke said. Naruto’s thoughts raced as he prepared for his battle with Sakura. He never thought in a million years Sakura would accept the match. Then he wondered,”What if they forced Sakura into this fight just like they’re forcing me.” He was ready to burst, or go insane, what would he do? “Hey Naruto, lucky for you, Sakura decided not to fight till’ tomorrow, so rest up, not that it’ll matter if your ready to fight or not. After all, we don’t want a suck-up in Akatsuki! HAH!”
“Why I outa…” Naruto wondered what his threat would be, but eventually, he realized he was dead, no matter what he did.
“Nighty night, Naruto. That is, if you know what that even means. Your wretched parents died before they could tell you that!”
“SHUT UP SASUKE! You know nothing of my parents.” Naruto gave him a look and fell asleep.

Chapter 2
The Fight

Naruto awoke that day wondering where he was. He was not in the forest still, but rather a dark, foul-smelling cave. As his eyes slowly came into focus he turned and saw Sasuke and Shikamaru talking at a distance. He could’ve sworn he saw the faint outline of Sakura nearby, but was afraid to indulge in the thought. Then he saw Sasuke start to turn and he tried to act like he was sleeping. He used the basic techniques of regulating his chakra and breathing lightly. He just had to hope Sasuke hadn’t seen him up while turning. He did.
“O’ Naruto,” Sasuke said in a sissy voice,”Sakura’s waiting for your little game to start!”
“Where is she Sasuke, she will find out your trickery!”
“Oh no she won’t Naruto. Shikamaru activate your shadow manipulation technique now!”
“O.K. boss,” Shikamaru said joyously, “I haven’t done this in a while. Shadow manipulation technique! Shadow latch!”
“No, I won’t go that easiluriznah,” the last words were muffled as Naruto was taken over.
“Lets go Shikamaru,” Sasuke snickered as he walked slowly out of the cave. “Sakura? Oh Sakura? Where are you?” Suddenly Sasuke was delivered a roundhouse to the kick, not from Sakura, but from Kakashi Hatake, “The Copy Ninja”. “Well, its seems as though Sakura-chan was to afraid to come, now was she?” Suddenly Sasuke took another blow to the head from Sakura while she leapt down from the cave roof.
“You wish,” Sakura threw in. “You know Sasuke, I used to like you and so did Ino but I guess we’ve both gotten over that!”
Then a familiar voice said, “Ahahah, Sakura, don’t be so quick to judge!” Then Sakura realized where she had heard that, voice. It was Ino!
“Ino, please tell me you’re here to help us free Naruto,” Sakura and Kakashi said in unison.
“Oh, I guess Sasuke dearie hasn’t told you,” Ino answered, “but we’re really close.”
Sakura answered, “You disgust me!”

yata 04-15-2006 03:31 PM

No offence, but its not awsome, no good writing words at all, I could have wrote it without an education o.0

bloodreapress 04-15-2006 03:54 PM

It's not good. Stick with something else. There is no flow to this, and major OoC pops up everywhere. It makes little sense either. You have simplicity and bad sentence structure and then suddenly insert elegant words. *not rating this*

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