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-   -   Should parents be in control of a child's future? (http://www.fandom.com/forums//showthread.php?t=27131)

sheik 03-27-2007 06:51 PM
Should parents be in control of a child's future?
 
I have noticed lately there have been few topics in the debate section and good topics are harder to find. Most threads have been on issues that we tend to be a bit one sided so I wanted to throw this.

Should Parents be in control of a child's future?

What do you think it should be like?

If you want to do a low paying job but your parents want you to better yourself, should the parents prevent you of making the choice and the parents stop you because they believe you will regret it and it will ruin your life....(i.e. pornstar, etc...)

or

If your parents want you to be a doctor but you always had a passion for cars and fixing them, should you follow your dream? Should they be in control of what you wanna do?

DarkAztek 03-27-2007 07:12 PM
Re: Should parents be in control of a child's future?
 
Until the age of 18, parents can do (and should be able to do) quite a bit to their kids. If a kid wants a job, it isn't any kind of abuse for a parent to not allow them to work there.

However, once you're 18, your parents cannot force you to do ANYTHING. The problem that goes hand in hand with that is that you probably won't get any support from your parents unless you bend to their wishes.

That may or may not make them bad parents depending upon the circumstances.

LonelyNinja 03-27-2007 08:03 PM
Re: Should parents be in control of a child's future?
 
Like DA said, up until 18 the parents should be able to do what they want to their kids. However, I don't think parents should set the kid's future life in stone. What I mean is that parents shouldn't have control over what college or job their kid is going to have when they're older. If the kid is 8 then the parents shouldn't be trying to get him to work as a politcian or send him off to Yale unless he wants to.

Genjutsu Genius 03-27-2007 08:36 PM
Re: Should parents be in control of a child's future?
 
The child should equaly control what they do, and parents should monitor them, and if need be, change what they do. :)

MikeyM1979 03-27-2007 10:01 PM
Re: Should parents be in control of a child's future?
 
In certain ways, yes, a parent should be there to control things. Early on. Later on, a parent should be there to guide the person and support them. Parents in control later on will just end up with kids who rebel a lot. Later on, they should help influence, not control the son/daughter.

Lily229 03-27-2007 10:16 PM
Re: Should parents be in control of a child's future?
 
I agree with Mike. A parent shouldn't control anything. They should be guides for the child. Being in a parent/child relationship should work both ways with both pushing and pulling the same way. Things get bad when there's more push then pull on one side which is why some kids either rebel or cling to the parent. Kids are like glass, all parents leave dirty fingerprints on them, some crack the glass while others shatter.

When the child gets old enough, then the responisbilities shift slightly. Like when a child is finally ready to stay at home without a babysitter. I don't know if you all had that experience but that was a pretty sweet time for me. I didn't do anything but watch tv and do homework, I earned her trust that day and the pushing and pulling motion slowed slightly between us.

No one can control anyone 100%, it's just impossble. I'm not a parent but I've seen enough to know it's all about balance. If you don't have balance you're going to end up with a kid who either doesn't talk and leave home or a kid like me (OR WORSE O.O) come on now, do you all really want that? ^.O

Course, there are circumstances where even if you are the perfect parent your kids can just naturally turn out fucked up. I want to further study on this (nerd alert >.<) so I'll get back to you with my notes about this stuff later @.@

kluang 03-28-2007 01:06 AM
Re: Should parents be in control of a child's future?
 
I believe parents should guide when their kids is 18-19.
Lower then 18 they should talk of why they want their kids to do this. Let them understand. Don't force on the kids. They the one that will pick your old folks home though.

cursesealer 03-28-2007 01:16 AM
Re: Should parents be in control of a child's future?
 
Parenting is very touchy cuz you want your kids to be free and explore many wonderous things but at the same time if your too open then they'll be either totally corrupted, scarred or dead and if your too strict then the child will be socially and emotionally cut off from everyone and be all hated for. Parents should serve better as 'boundary lines'. They are to let the child roam and stop them when they get to close to danger. Many many parents dont do that and easily f**k up a good future. At least those I know of. Parents need to just help guide children until about 13 then begin to lighten up and by age 18, if the child can show to be a mature, well responsible and smart adult, then it's okay to completely let go of the parental chain and set the child free.

Lily229 03-28-2007 11:36 AM
Re: Should parents be in control of a child's future?
 
Ya know, we keep talking about the age 18 being the mature age to let your kid go. That's a standord people. Some mature faster then others, just like puberty. I'll tell ya something, my brother's 23 years old and lives like a 5 minute drive from my moms house in case he needs anything, coming in and making a sandwich like he lives there -.-;;;;. *coughs* but anyway, the parental chain should never be cut off just extended. Ever hear the saying "You'll always be my baby *insert gender here* Even when my mother is 40 something years old, been married and had children her mom is still guiding her through life cause life is nothing but a constant uphill battle that no one can fight alone.

SASUKE GURL 03-28-2007 12:12 PM
Re: Should parents be in control of a child's future?
 
half half
children should be control cuz well..its their life and they choose their own path
and parents just help them choose it...they guide you....thats what i think...i dont kno

Vanity 03-28-2007 02:46 PM
Re: Should parents be in control of a child's future?
 
I agree a lot with Lily. While I’d like to say parents should be “guides”, that doesn’t quite put it in it’s right context. Guides((of a sort)) can only tell a child what is wrong and right, but something more has to discipline them and be firm when they have done something that is wrong.

I believe a parent should have a large sway on a child’s morals and upbringing, and should be fairly strict with rules and such, but that should lighten up as they mature ((not get older, mature)). Habits and personality traits are developed when we are children, so that is when one should try and help mold them.

Some would argue that parents would be making little copies of themselves in that case. I suppose they’re right. But if a parents does not teach their child, society and what they see will. Even if one does not teach and shape, they will look at your actions. Sometimes, children need to listen to what we((speaking from a parents point of view)) say and grow from that, not what we do.

She also made the point hat sometimes, what parents teach children is not always going to be what determines their outcome. While yes, a good parent could raise a bad person, a bad parent could also raise a very good child. It’s more or less about the child’s ability to learn, and grow as a person.

DarkAztek 03-28-2007 05:06 PM
Re: Should parents be in control of a child's future?
 
Basically we're arguing over whether or not a parent should be permissive, authoritarian, or authoritative.

The fact of the matter is that a parent CANNOT just be a guide. That's more like a friend than anything else. A parent's job is to raise you, not to mollycoddle you or to do shit like what some of you are talking about. Lemme quote an interesting article I that I read:

Quote:
Arguably one of the most, if not the most important aspect of a growing child’s life is the presence (or lack there of) of their parents. There are many different types of parenting styles. There is no set type of parent but rather a continuum with punctuated qualities in parenting style. Three parenting styles that have been identified by multiple investigators include authoritarian parents, permissive parents and authoritative parents. Authoritarian parents establish rules and expect the obedience of their children. Authoritarian parents tend to be the strictest of all three styles. Children with such parents will often hear phrases such as “Because I said so” “I’m your mother/father, that’s why” and “if you don’t ______ you’ll be grounded”. Parents who value their children’s unwavering obedience above all else, would most likely chose the authoritarian style because it might have that desired effect (Meyers, 2003). Permissive Parents on the other hand are almost the opposite. Permissive parents ask little of their children, tend to punish infrequently and often appease their children by submitting to their wants and desires. (Meyers, 2003). In this type of relationship, children have a large amount of freedom as their parents are much more liberal with rule making, if any rules are established at all. Examples of living with permissive parents might be having a very late curfew or little to no household chores. Authoritative parents are a combination of authoritarian and permissive. They make demands of their children, but they are also open to discussion. When setting rules and limitations for their children, they explain the reasoning behind those rules. Authoritative parents encourage discussion with their children and are more flexible with rule making, sometimes allowing exceptions. For example, “You can stay out an hour later than your regular curfew because you did all of your homework and chores” (Meyers, 2003). These three types of parenting styles can be compared to that of the hardness of the beds in the Goldilocks and the Three Bears fairy tale; too hard, too soft and just right. As we know, correlation is not causation, however, studies have shown that most often, children with the highest self-esteem and social competence tend to have authoritative parents. According to Meyer, the correlation between social competence and authoritative parenting can possibly be explained in three ways; 1. children’s social capability influences parenting, 2, parenting influences children’s social capability, or 3. there may be an underlying third factor that influences both (2003). When parents are open to discussion, understanding and reasonable with their children it makes for a better relationship. When parents are consistent with the rules they establish and subsequent consequences to actions are predictable, children feel as though they control the outcome (Meyers, 2003).

Although parents play a key role in the lives of their adolescent children, adolescents are looking to establish their own identities; to become individuals. The transition from dependent child to assertive and independent teenager however is a gradual process. Adolescence is usually a time during which children argue with their parents often, not necessarily about large scale issues but more mundane things such as chores, school work and bedtime (Tesser and others, 1989 as cited in Meyer, 2003). As children mature from adolescence to adulthood, the emotional links between parents and their children begins to losen a bit. Teens will go through many stages and emotions, such as resentment, anger, frustration and rebellion. Throughout this period though, most arguments are not destructive, with few parent/adolescent relationships ending in serious rifts (Meyers, 2003). The adolescent parent relationship can most often be viewed as a bell curve. Two experimenters Frank (1998) and White (1983) noted that “During their early twenties, many still lean heavily on their parents. By their late twenties, most feel more comfortably independent of their parents and better able to empathize with them as fellow adults” (as cited in Meyers, 2003). The movement from adolescence to adulthood seems to have increased over the years. Possible reasons for this include the longer amount of time adolescence spend earning higher education and are therefore are financially dependent on their parents for longer, the subsequent delay in career choice and the increase in the age of marriage (Meyers, 2003).


20 bucks says that nobody but Miburo will read any of that.

shadowclone 03-28-2007 05:09 PM
Re: Should parents be in control of a child's future?
 
^^^you are correct my friend.


i didnt even bother to read it but your comment will suffice. i absolutely agree with a parent's job is to raise you and not to patronise you. =P

Jaxon 03-28-2007 05:18 PM
Re: Should parents be in control of a child's future?
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by DarkAztek (Post 1037130)
20 bucks says that nobody but Miburo will read any of that.
I read it all, before I even saw that little note =P

Where'd you find that article? It's good.

Anyway, that pretty much sums up what you should think if you have an unbiased viewpoint and some common sense, IMO. In theory, you get all the plus points of hardline and liberal parenting, but without the drawbacks, like a lack of respect or a submissive personality.

D4rKR34v3r 03-28-2007 05:47 PM
Re: Should parents be in control of a child's future?
 
Half and Half. They can help guide us when we are younger and do not know crap. But what they cannot do is deny us from being something we want, like Artist, Computer Technician, or Trucker. They can't do that. We control our future, but parents can help us if we make the wrong decision until we get old enough to understand what we truly want. You parents Shouldn't want you to be a doctor if you want to be a mechanic, or truck driver. It should be about what your passion is and not the money, because you are going to be working for that Job for a long time, and if they are not Driven, then they will quit and be a bum


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