The Chronicles of Konoha Story
THE FIRST REPORT: Akatsuki Chronicles!
Sasuke: "So the eight tails thinks he can win, eh?"
EightTails: "Yes, now observe as I use my most powerful technique!"
Karin thinks, "Oh no! I better protect Sasuke", she runs up to Sasuke.
Sasuke: "What are you doing Karin?
Karin: "Protecting you...from UV Radiation." She applies SPF 50 Sunscreen.
The EightTails makes a series of handsigns...
EightTails: "Ninja Art: Jutsu of doom!" suddenly ominous Final Fantasy music starts playing, and the clouds all turn black with a swirling vortex in the center. The vortex sends down a ray of light.
Suigetsu: "What...could it be?"
Juugo: Maybe it's an insane asylum! Juugo runs after it, but then notices Mary Poppins is sent down.
Juugo: Pssh, I knew it was something stupid!
Sasuke: What is it senile old nanny?
Mary Poppins suddenly looks up and her eyes glow, Sasuke turns to chocolate.
Chocolate Sasuke: No! Now I will never destroy the ninja of Konoha!
Konohamaru pops up and starts saying "bother bother bother" as he bothers Sasuke.
Suigetsu: Juugo wait!
Juugo runs toward a warddrobe!
Spongebob: Come on Juugo, go ahead, Narnia's in there!
Juugo: Yay! The mystical land of joy!
Juugo jumps in but Spongebob tricks him and he falls into an interdimensional vortex.
Karin: Oh well, chocolate Sasuke looks...creamy and delicious...
Karin eats him piece by piece.
Sasuke: Karin! Stop eating me!
Karin: But you're so tasty and ravishing!
Two hours later...
Karin is overstuffed.
Karin is about to explode...
She blows up.
Karin: a waste of recreational activity!
Suddenly Deidara's ghost comes down and says, "no it's not, it's a BANG!"
Suigetsu: Are you done? Me and the eighttails were playing a little go fish.
Suigetsu: Got any threes?
EightTails: Go fish...
Suigetsu goes insane with anger and uses heat vision to blow up the Eighttails, but then a grand piano falls on him.
Suigetsu: I'm okay...a little dead but okay.
Grim Reaper: And don't you try bribing me like last time!
...Back at the Akatsuki camp...
Zetsu: As it seems, our newly recruited members of Akatsuki appear to have failed their designated mission to capture the eighttails and bring him back respectively to our plans.
Pein: However, Juugo was found in the Salami dimension, I decided to use a ritual sacrificing him to revive Kakuzu.
Kisame: Uhhh...dude why? He gets hoggin' all the pretzel rods on AKATSUKI BINGO NIGHT MANNNN!
Kakuzu: I'm here you know.
Kakuzu chews on what was supposed to be Kisame's pretzel rod.
THE SECOND REPORT: Chronicles of Naruto Part I
Naruto: Sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows, and what a wonderful...day it-
Kakuzu: WAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I have returned to wreak my revenge.
Naruto: Aww man, I just got back from a great time at Willy Wonka's chocolate factory.
Willy Wonka could be seen in the distance, behind a destroyed factory.
Willy Wonka: Yeah, and remember Naruto, don't rasengan the jawbreakers next time.
Kakuzu: Now to destroy you...
Naruto: Uhhh...first, you're pretty hungry, right?
Kakuzu: Hmm...I suppose.
Naruto remembers back to when she tried to eat butter when Sakura was around, he almost took a bite when Sakura smacked him and said, "don't eat that, it has SSSOOOO much saturated fat it's bad for you. If you do, you'll probably have a heart attack after if you eat two tons."
Naruto: How many hearts do you have again Kakuzu?
Kakuzu: Five now, why?
Naruto thinks, "hmmm, I've never been good at math..." He remembers when Sasuke TRIED to teach him multiplication, Sasuke had said, "You see, there's a 1, and a 2, the 1 is the 2's older brother but then the 1 just decides to murder the 3 and the 4. who are their parents, and kills all the other numbers in the Uchiha, I mean integer number set."
Naruto: I guess I'd better go find out! I'm going to find Hinata!
Kakuzu: Wait! Where are you going?
Naruto: Uhhh...to wax my corn, then eat my alarm clock, okay?
Naruto sees Hinata by the waterfall, writing in her diary.
Hinata: And I've always loved-
Naruto: Hinata! Great to see you, hey If I had two dollars, then I got five of those two, how many would I get?
Note that while she is explaining to Naruto math, Shikamaru sneaks over and steals Hinata's diary.
Shikamaru: Ooh, this is juicy info...(Why does Shikamaru need this? Find out on The Chronicles of Shikamaru!)
Hinata: And that's that!
Naruto: Thanks, Hinata, bye.
Naruto kisses her on the cheek and leaves.
Hinata then faints, Shikamaru picks up her diary.
Shikamaru: Now I'll even have time to photocopy it!
Naruto runs back to Kakuzu, who is playing Hopscotch with the Academy students holding an ice cream.
Kakuzu: I have a perfectly good explanation for this...except I can't remember.
Naruto: ? Anyway, I have a delicious banquet for you, fat free ice cream!
Kakuzu: Great! This has no butter, right, I'm very heart health conscious...
Naruto grins as Kakuzu devours ten tons of butter.
Kakuzu: Tasted odd, and, (HEARTBEAT: THUMP! THUMPLACK! THU! .........)
Kakuzu groans, clasping his heart and falls smack on the floor.
Naruto: YAY! I WIN!
A few hours later...
Shikamaru: Everything is set for Operation: Hinata Exposed!
Tsunade: Excellent, this is going to be fun, I haven't had anything good to bet on lately...
Kiba: Yeah, just hurry already.
Shikamaru: Shadow possession jutsu!
Hinata is possessed with the jutsu.
Hinata: Huh! What is this?
Shikamaru uses the jutsu and walks Hinata over to Naruto...
Hinata moves in forced motions.
Naruto: Is something wrong? DID YOU GET THE FLESH EATING DISEASE!?!?! OH NO!
Naruto went off running.
Naruto: GRANNY TSUNADE! GRANNY TSUNADE! HELP, HINATA'S GOT THE FLESH EATING DISEASE!
Tsunade: Oh no! The flesh eating disease, now let's just hope Hinata isn't lying because I need to perform several extremely painful surgeries!
Hinata: B-mmmm, bu-, mmm!
The shadow bind restricts her free will.
Hinata (Robotically): Why yes, I would love some extremely painful surgery.
Tsunade: All right, this way.
Tsunade drags Hinata all the way to the hospital.
Naruto: Now where was I? I want to play bingo all of a sudden...
Zetsu suddenly appears in front of him.
Zetsu: We have Akatsuki Bingo Night...
Zetsu said this in an ominous but luring tone.
Naruto: All right! Bingo!
A stroke of lightning falls-they arrive at the Akatsuki lounge. Pein is watching educational television, Zetsu is gardening, Pein is getting annoyed because Konan got a paper cut, Kisame was drowning in the fish bowl, Suigetsu was playing rock paper curse seal with Juugo, and finally Sasuke was forcibly making out with Karin.
Naruto: This is the place, huh? I imagined a disco ball and a DJ and I always thought that Itachi would be rapping over there.
Madara: ...Now for bingo, Naruto, we usually when playing bingo, bet something spiritual, great, and possibly powerful, you know, an eraser, a television, A BIJUU, JUST AN IDEA...
Naruto: I'm outta here, hi Sasuke.
Sasuke: muffled speech
Madara: THERE IS NO ESCAPE!!!
Madara says this pointing right to the door...marked clear escape.
He leaves, he walks all the way back to Konoha, then sees Sakura walking by, she's holding golden slips.
Naruto: Hi Sakura, what're those?
Sakura: Uggh, jeez Naruto, don't you know? The big Neji concert is today.
Naruto: Neji has a concert?
Sakura: Duh, he has a band called "The Neji Experience".
Naruto: And I suppose Lee is there too?
Sakura: ...How should I know? Now I'm going to the beach for free water.
Naruto: You think the ocean is a good source of water? Ew, everybody knows the neighbor's toilet is the best source.
Sakura clocks him with a fist.
Sakura: ...Yeah Naruto, bye.
Naruto: I'd better go follow Sakura...
Suddenly Itachi pops up with a gun.
Itachi: Freeze! You're going downtown!
Naruto: What'd I do?
Itachi: You loitered!
Itachi shoots a stream of water.
Naruto: BUT THAT'S JUST A WATER GUN!
Itachi: Mangekyou Sharingan!
Itachi teleports Naruto to Tsukuyomi.
Naruto: NO! What are you going to do?!?!
Itachi grins as he turns on a TV, it shows the teletubbies.
Naruto: THE HORRROR! UNSPEAKABLE HORROR!
42 minutes of torture later...
Naruto: HOW ARE YOU EVEN ALIVE? SASUKE "TOOK CARE" OF YOU!
Itachi: It's called poison, drinking it is magic! Speaking of which, I'm going to poison you!
Naruto: OH NO!
Itachi: Now you must select the antidote!
Itachi disappears, and ten bottles appear.
Naruto: Oh no, which could it be?
Nine are marked "WRONG", one is marked "ANTIDOTE".
Chouji runs by while Naruto tries decide.
Chouji: Hey Naruto.
Naruto: Wha? Oh Chouji, I have something for you.
Naruto gives Chouji a pamphlet for weight watchers.
Steam rises out of his eyeballs, but then a cute bunny rabbit spits fire at him! Chouji runs away, the bunny chasing him.
Naruto: NOW TO THE BEACH!
A few moments later...
Naruto: Why aren't I at the beach?
Naruto's Conscience: You imbecile! Just saying to the beach won't teleport you there!
Naruto: That's it! Get out of me, you stupid conscience! I don't need you!
Naruto's Conscience: Uhh, you do need me, otherwise you'd be just pure evil.
Naruto pulls his conscience out, then starts walking to the beach.
Next Time: Oh No! What will Naruto do?
Re: The Chronicles of Konoha Story
O/_\O Now thats what I call weird.
Re: The Chronicles of Konoha Story
Naruto laughs maniacally.
Naruto: NOW THAT I HAVE NO CONSCIENCE, I WILL BRING MISERY TO ALL! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Shino: Hey Naruto, what are you doing?
Naruto: Shino...This town ain't big enough fer da two o' us!
Shino: Yes it is! This is Konoha!
Naruto: NOT ON MY WATCH! I SHALL RULE THIS LAND IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO!
Shino backs away slowly.
Naruto: I will start with you!
Naruto steals a container in Shino's pocket with a bug inside.
Shino: HEY! That's my first bug!
Naruto: Is it?
Naruto pulls out insect poison and sprays it into the air holes, the insect dies.
Shino goes off mourning.
Naruto: Hmm...who's next, Lady Tsunade! Wahahaahaahaa!
Tsunade: Oh hey Naruto, we found your conscience...in the LOST AND FOUND.
Tsunade: I'd better give you your conscience back...
Tsunade puts Naruto's conscience back.
Naruto: I'M BACK TO NORMAL! AND THAT EVIL MADE ME HEALTHY FROM ITACHI'S POISON! AND KONOHAMARU STOP EATING ME!
Konohamaru: BUT I'M SUCH A CANNIBAL I CAN'T RESIST!
40 minutes later...
Naruto: Ahh, I'm at the beach, hey there's Sakura.
Sakura is standing with Sasuke, wedding music is playing.
Naruto: HEY WHEN'D SASUKE GET BACK?
Sakura: He never did, this is a bunsin because I'VE GONE OFF THE DEEP END HAVING NOT FOUND HIM!
Naruto: So...you're marrying a bunshin of him.
Sakura: YES, got any brighter ideas?
Naruto: Well the sun is bright.
Sasuke: I am Sasuke. (robotically)
Naruto: Uh huh, well I'm going to go surf on chocolate syrup.
Sakura: You do that.
Sakura: Oh and Naruto, don't forget to pickle the yalishivas for the maple syrup laptop address peacock!
Suddenly, possessed Hinata walks up to him.
Hinata: Hi Naruto, will you marry me?
Naruto looks at Sakura's wedding, all of a sudden Ino places a TV right before Sakura and turns it on.
Sakura: HEY! What's going on? I'm being sucked into the TV universe.
Ino: Change channel.
Ino changes the channel to jaws, then pauses where the screen is on the giant shark's mouth.
Ino: THAT'S WHATCHA GET FOR STEALING MY COOKIE!
Sasuke: Enemy detected, must obliterate.
A bunch of Ino screaming sounds could be heard in the distance.
Naruto: Uhhh...Sure, I'll marry you Hinata.
Shikamaru is hiding in the trees.
Shikamaru: Darn, he accepted. Better run while I still can.
Shikamaru disables shadow possession.
Hinata: I'm free from shadow possession?
Naruto: So you wanna get married or what?
Hinata faints, three hours later they get married.
Chouji: I have a wedding gift Naruto!
Naruto: Great, a-used knapkin, great Chouji. I have one for you.
Naruto holds up a weight watchers pamphlet for Chouji, Chouji's head starts steaming.
Chouji: I AM NOT FFFAAAAATTTTTT!
Naruto: I know, you are obese.
Tsunade: To think that Naruto would get married.
Naruto: Hey Granny Tsunade, I need to tell you that you are an old firend of mine.
Tsunade: Thanks Naruto.
Naruto: A really OLD, the OLDEST friend I have, with such OLD age, such an OLD OLD OLD OLD OLD friend.
Tsunade punches him in the face-12 times.
Shikamaru was walking through the aisle, selling photocopies of Hinata's diary.
Hinata: Shikamaru, please don't-
Naruto: Don't worry, I'll take care of this.
Naruto dresses up as a health inspector.
Shikamaru: Can I help you.
Naruto: Uh yes, I'm a health inspector, and I've got orders to close this place down!
Shikamaru: Or what?
Naruto: You get executed.
Shikamaru: UH, RIGHT AWAY SIR!
Kiba: STOP THE WEDDING!
Hinata: Hi Kiba.
Kiba: I'VE GOT PICKLED LIVER FOR HOR DEURVES!
Naruto: O...kay. Now let's get married already Hinata!
After the wedding is over, Neji's concert begins, and he starts singing numa numa.
EVERYONE: YOU STINK!
Ino: Yeah, let's watch TV!
Ino turns to Jaws on TV.
Sakura: AAAH! I'm in Jaws!
A shark eats Sakura.
Ino: Poor Sakura...
Four years later...
Naruto and Hinata are at the hospital.
Naruto: And here's our fourth child, I think I'll name him...Sasuke.
His other children are Sakura, Naruto, and Kakashi.
Naruto: WAIT A MINUTE! WHAT ABOUT SAI?!?!
One year later...
Naruto: I now name our fifth child, Sai.
Naruto: Now to take a stroll outside with Sasuke, Naruto, Kakashi, and Sakura!
Hinata: What about Sai?
Naruto: Are you kidding? Sai was a jerk to me!
Naruto: Doo da doo doo dooo da doo doo doooo.
Naruto: Not again!
The Chronicles of Shikamaru
Shikamaru walked home one day, but noticed Sora, Donald, and Goofy on his roof holding his parents hostage.
Shikamaru: Oh brother, what a drag.
Shikamaru continues to go inside to watch television.
Mickey suddenly pops up and slashes it apart with his golden keyblade.
Shikamaru: Sigh, another drag.
Mickey: We've got your parents hostage and demand free cable!
Shikamaru: I KNOW! You had your demands nailed to every wqall of the house! By the way, have I seen you in a cartoon in the 1930's? You look familiar.
Mickey: NOOOO! YOU DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING!
Shikamaru: That's it, I'm taking care of this.
Shikamaru dials a number on a cell phone.
Shikamaru: Yeah Temari, can you come over here?
Temari: So you've finally come to your senses huh? You do love me!
Shikamaru: NO, the keyblade master and some Disney characters are holding my parents hostage.
Temari: Seriously?...This is the fourth time this week, can't they just go home.
Shikamaru: If by home you mean my Kingdom Hearts 2 PS2 Game.
Re: The Chronicles of Konoha Story
YOU SHOULD ALL KNOW THAT HINATA PROPOSES MARRIAGE TO NARUTO AT the END OF THE SERIES.
Sorry, I just realized I double posted.
Re: The Chronicles of Konoha Story
:D:DDo u think any one is going to read that hole thing?:D:D
Re: The Chronicles of Konoha Story
Willy Wonka??? Random.....
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