Christmas parties
 

This weekend, snowed-in somewhere in Boston, I went to an epic Christmas party. In a 2 bedroom apartment, a buddy of mine wanted to throw an Ugly Sweater Party. It was fun, we drank and had a ball... And then things got weird.

I'll start with the only thing I actually have photographic evidence of (see attachments): At one point, after an uncounted number of drinks, these 2 guys (who I don't know) convince me it would be a great idea to go to the bathroom together. ...No, not for a BEEJ-train. We climbed up into the crawl space above the shower and began to explore. What did we find? An ugly Christmas sweater.

So of course, we thought that was awesome and decided to be crazy about it. Less than 5 minutes later, I was successfully put up into another equally small crawl-space. I mean, completely. I couldn't get down. I start freaking out and we think we might have to call the fire department to get me down. From this point onward, I have no personal recollection and can only tell you what happened based on what I have been told.

My head apparently found a weak ceiling board and smashed through it. At this point, my right leg is dangling out of the hole I went in and the rest of me is coming out of the new busted hole I created. Best part: It was in a different room. WHAT room? Oh just one of the hosts, currently in the middle of getting some. He stops, freaks out, and pulls me down while cursing me out. I think I might have gotten a concussion.

It is at this point that the neighbors come down. They were also partying upstairs, came down, and merged their 8 person group with our 20-something group. BEST PART: They are between the ages of 65 and mid-to-late-seventies. One of the guys comes over to me after he heard about my excursion and he offers me a blunt which I GLADLY accept.

Literally just as I light that sucker up, there is a knock at the door. The police are not happy and decide to end our little party. The geezer who gave me the weed turns and says, "Eat that fucker!" So of course, being intelligent, I do. There was roughly 5 grams in said blunt.

From here there is a dark space of which nobody really filled me in. I woke up in the morning underneath someone's bed. Mind you, if you eat a shit ton of weed, in about 4-5 hours you will start being retardedly high. I woke up baked out of my mind, head pounding, and underneath some guy's nasty bed... With two people having sex on said bed above me.

I pull myself out and start moaning which causes the couple to FLIP SHIT because they had no idea I was there. I start freaking out because they are freaking out. I stumble out the door, out of the apartment, and proceed right to the train station. I managed to get home from there, in the foot or so of snow, more fucked up than I have been since college. Without a jacket or my ugly sweater.

Freezing my nurples off, I get to my place to discover I had left my keys at the apartment. At this point, I say "fuck it," take a rock, break my window, get inside, and pass out on the couch for 2 more hours.


This is the short version of this story. There was a lot more drinking in between scenes, the damage to the ceiling really wasn't that bad since it was one of those big tile things that can be replaced for about $5 or a piece of cardboard. My window... I just told the landlord some damn kids did it and got it replaced for free.

No worries, everything is fine now... I just live an absolutely retarded life.

Re: Christmas parties
 

You should have asked the couple if they would be interested in a threesome.

Re: Christmas parties
 

Holy fuck, awesome.

And, oh man, I scrolled down and checked the pictures at the "see attachment" part. If you look at the pictures without reading the story it looks kinda like a rape slideshow.

Re: Christmas parties
 

Re: Christmas parties
 

I ALWAYS WANTED
TO PARTY WITH DA


cpas

Re: Christmas parties
 

I haven't been to a party where the cops get called since last year. It was at a huge kegger party and out in the middle of nowhere, so no one expected that shit. But when we saw the blue lights pulling up the driveway, the four biggest dudes grabbed the 2 kegs and took off into the woods. And everyone just scattered. I stayed by the fire with like three other people and the couple that owned the place and talked to the cops. They said that if they had to come back out, everyone was going to jail for drinking in a dry county. 8] And they kept asking about all the cars so I was just like, "A buncha friends met up here and all left for the coast in one car."
They believed me because I'm cute and persuasive and wasn't that wasted... yet.

Yes, I live in a dry fucking county.
Anyway, I think like three different fights broke out that night and someone broke the beer pong table.

My favorite part of DA's story: "Eat that fucker!"
lmao.

Re: Christmas parties
 

That mental picture made me lol

Re: Christmas parties
 

In italics and bold are the parts I literally burst out laughing, and it's 3 in the damned morning.

Hilarious

Re: Christmas parties
 

UT, a dry county? Those exist? I didn't even think people used the word "dry" anymore. At least since like, the 1920's.

Re: Christmas parties
 

Yup. And ironically enough, Jack Daniels distillery is located in a dry county IIRC.

Re: Christmas parties
 

Oh yes. They still exist.


<.<

Re: Christmas parties
 

DarkAztek, that is the ONLY thing I think I have EVER enjoyed of yours. Highly comic. Lots of lulz.
You have a story for life, man. "Eat that fucker!" /epic

Re: Christmas parties
 

The only thing I enjoyed of yours was that time when you confessed your undying love to that one red-headed chick during a skype thinger, she shot you down, and you cried.

Re: Christmas parties
 

Follow up note: I got everything repaired / got my shit together... AND when I went back for my keys, I ran into the old people from upstairs again. I did some computer work for them, we rolled an L. They're gunna come fung shui (whatever spelling IDC) my house and roll another L. I have found my hippy grandfatherly figure... My Yoda, if you will.

Re: Christmas parties
 

lolKaylah .