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Old 03-28-2007, 05:06 PM   #12
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Re: Should parents be in control of a child's future?

Basically we're arguing over whether or not a parent should be permissive, authoritarian, or authoritative.

The fact of the matter is that a parent CANNOT just be a guide. That's more like a friend than anything else. A parent's job is to raise you, not to mollycoddle you or to do shit like what some of you are talking about. Lemme quote an interesting article I that I read:

Arguably one of the most, if not the most important aspect of a growing child’s life is the presence (or lack there of) of their parents. There are many different types of parenting styles. There is no set type of parent but rather a continuum with punctuated qualities in parenting style. Three parenting styles that have been identified by multiple investigators include authoritarian parents, permissive parents and authoritative parents. Authoritarian parents establish rules and expect the obedience of their children. Authoritarian parents tend to be the strictest of all three styles. Children with such parents will often hear phrases such as “Because I said so” “I’m your mother/father, that’s why” and “if you don’t ______ you’ll be grounded”. Parents who value their children’s unwavering obedience above all else, would most likely chose the authoritarian style because it might have that desired effect (Meyers, 2003). Permissive Parents on the other hand are almost the opposite. Permissive parents ask little of their children, tend to punish infrequently and often appease their children by submitting to their wants and desires. (Meyers, 2003). In this type of relationship, children have a large amount of freedom as their parents are much more liberal with rule making, if any rules are established at all. Examples of living with permissive parents might be having a very late curfew or little to no household chores. Authoritative parents are a combination of authoritarian and permissive. They make demands of their children, but they are also open to discussion. When setting rules and limitations for their children, they explain the reasoning behind those rules. Authoritative parents encourage discussion with their children and are more flexible with rule making, sometimes allowing exceptions. For example, “You can stay out an hour later than your regular curfew because you did all of your homework and chores” (Meyers, 2003). These three types of parenting styles can be compared to that of the hardness of the beds in the Goldilocks and the Three Bears fairy tale; too hard, too soft and just right. As we know, correlation is not causation, however, studies have shown that most often, children with the highest self-esteem and social competence tend to have authoritative parents. According to Meyer, the correlation between social competence and authoritative parenting can possibly be explained in three ways; 1. children’s social capability influences parenting, 2, parenting influences children’s social capability, or 3. there may be an underlying third factor that influences both (2003). When parents are open to discussion, understanding and reasonable with their children it makes for a better relationship. When parents are consistent with the rules they establish and subsequent consequences to actions are predictable, children feel as though they control the outcome (Meyers, 2003).

Although parents play a key role in the lives of their adolescent children, adolescents are looking to establish their own identities; to become individuals. The transition from dependent child to assertive and independent teenager however is a gradual process. Adolescence is usually a time during which children argue with their parents often, not necessarily about large scale issues but more mundane things such as chores, school work and bedtime (Tesser and others, 1989 as cited in Meyer, 2003). As children mature from adolescence to adulthood, the emotional links between parents and their children begins to losen a bit. Teens will go through many stages and emotions, such as resentment, anger, frustration and rebellion. Throughout this period though, most arguments are not destructive, with few parent/adolescent relationships ending in serious rifts (Meyers, 2003). The adolescent parent relationship can most often be viewed as a bell curve. Two experimenters Frank (1998) and White (1983) noted that “During their early twenties, many still lean heavily on their parents. By their late twenties, most feel more comfortably independent of their parents and better able to empathize with them as fellow adults” (as cited in Meyers, 2003). The movement from adolescence to adulthood seems to have increased over the years. Possible reasons for this include the longer amount of time adolescence spend earning higher education and are therefore are financially dependent on their parents for longer, the subsequent delay in career choice and the increase in the age of marriage (Meyers, 2003).

20 bucks says that nobody but Miburo will read any of that.
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