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Old 04-17-2009, 09:24 PM   #51
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Re: Naruto 445 Prediction/Spoiler Discussion

My humourous prediction of 445:

*Konan places Nagato on the nearby papier mache changing table and proceeds to change Nagato’s adult diaper and to wipe his anorexic butthole. Nagato turns his head while Konan is busy finishing her only valuable contribution to Akatsuki, besides warming up Nagato’s milk or posing in an origami bikini.
Nagato: My...PAIN just began that day, but it grew more intense as days went by. Yahiko, the cliche loud mouth with a big heart (as original a character as you, Jiraiya-sensei or Tsunade’s dead brother), myself (filling the Emo quota every shinobi team must follow) and Konan, who of course, was just to help us make better paper airplanes and to wear skimpy clothing.
Naruto: Jesus, the puns! I would have thought you became a math teacher, you corny god-complex bastard! So then what happened? Did you get hit by an “evil” bus? Or did you use your magic-eyes on yourself while looking at the bathroom mirror and then fell down the stairs in confusion?
Nagato: How did you know? Thank God for Medicare, I was able to get 50% off that baby! Not only does it contain a 50L urine tank, but I am able to defecate while telling you my ridiculous reasons for mass murder, isn’t that fantastic? I am sure most Naruto fans were wishing they could defecate on this chapter, but I am afraid Kishimoto is going to have these specifically laminated, for obvious reasons.
Naruto: Alright, so you were orphans in a war-zone and then what?
*Nagato is burped by Konan and is placed back into his Defecato-3000 and proceeds to pull out a mirror to perfect his emo-like appearance by re-applying his mascara.
Nagato: Well we found Jiraiyia, Michael Jackson and Pamela Anderson and asked if they could assist us. The Snake said he wanted us to come to Neverland Ranch, excluding Konan, so that he could introduce us to “heaven” by giving us “Heaven Juice,” which Jiraiya explained was a vodka cocktail laced with a date-rape drug. After Yahiko was taken to the back with Mr. Jackson (Oh I am sure he felt...PAIN!), Konan and I were offered training by the pervert himself, while the Shinobi-turned Pornstar used her intellect to remember to breathe.
*A small, tear rolls down Nagato’s face, ruining his emo-perfect complexion, but it at least reminded Naruto of Sasgay, who often asked Sakura for make-up advice.
Nagato: He taught as several useful ways to survive, such as being able to steal from the homeless, avoid paying our tabs at the local taverns and of course, how to haggle with prostitutes. Yahiko of course came back by this time but refused to sit down for some strange reason and Mr. Jackson looked oddly satisfied... anyways, so we were in a paradise, at least we were, Yahiko’s once tender butt-hole was not.
Naruto: I knew it! That’s why Sasgay is so uptight, he’s been trying to avoid a certain “snake technique” the entire time! It all makes sense now! (Though the way he avoids all women, is making me think he wants to use “that” technique on me..).
Nagato: Orochimaru’s gay sexcapades aside, horrible things began to happen! Tourists from Fire Country began arriving to use the local hot springs and we were soon evicted by the greedy municipal bureaucracy so our rooms could be rented to sex tourists (Orochimaru Jackson already had a room anyways) and chronic gamblers. Jiraiya-sensei took us to a shop, shocking not only because he was a cheap-skate, but also because it didn’t sell alcohol or “happy endings”... anyways, he bought us each a candy-apple and we began to munch on these apples when suddenly a fat tourist bumped into me.. I dropped my treasure, my life, my inspiration onto the dirty ground.. my entire life was ruined and I swore holy vengeance on Fire Country! I would show them my...PAIN.. and Yahiko’s hershey canal’s...PAIN! I would become God, or more accurately like a molesting priest who claimed his sexual assaults were justified by the misinterpretation of certain passages. ...
Naruto: I’ll give you my unsatisfying answer that will undoubtedly anger every fan above the age of 12... next chapter...
*”Kishi-maru“ sits between two barely legal Japanese prostitutes and smiles drunkely like Michael Jackson in the toddler play area at a MacDonald’s.
Kishi-maru: Nothing makes me feel better than ruining my own artistic integrity, in fact, I think I am going to make NaruSasu occur, because I just refuse to have any meaningful connection between the opposite sexes. It’s not like any Naruto fans care about relationships anyways.... right?....right? Oh well, I’ll just finish up on this 8-ball...*snort*

Last edited by TheSixthHokage; 04-17-2009 at 09:31 PM.
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