Re: The Longest Thread Ever v28
Alright. So I woke up this morning, took a piss, and went to let my dogs out. I get down to the kitchen and I see my one dog had gotten into the cabinet, pulled out the box of Reese's Peanut Butter Puffs that I was going to have for breakfast, and had fucking devoured them all.
So I go about my day, do my shit and whatnot, and come home. Trash pickup was today, and the asshole trash dude must have tossed my cans around like a fucktard or some shit because they're thrown all in my driveway. So I just park on the side of the road instead.
I'm picking up the trash cans and putting them on the side of the house when one of my neighbors comes out to walk her annoying rat-dog. She's only 28 or some shit, but she's nasty as fuck. Like, fucking hideous. Pretty sure she's a troll, I only see her like three times a year. Oh, and she's a hardcore bitch. She starts giving me shit saying "Bout time you pick up those trashcans, they've been sitting there all day."
I be nice and say sorry, I just got home. My bad. But she keeps bitching. Then she bitches about me not raking the fucking leaves in the back. I'm getting kind of pissed at this point, so I just say "Hey, fuck you. I don't give a fuck about some leaves in my backyard. If they piss you off so much then rake them yourself."
She goes into fucking hulk-bitch mode and starts flipping the fuck out. Saying if I'm not going to rake leaves then I shouldn't have fucking trees or some crazy bitch shit like that. What the fuck. Now, my backyard is pretty much leaf-free, mind you. Most of the trees in my yard have already lost all their leaves. The only leaves in my yard are from where one of the big ass trees on her property hangs over. So it's pretty much her fucking leaves in my yard that she wants me to rake up. Why does she even care? I have no fucking clue. She doesn't even actually own any of the property either, she just rents a room next door. And to top it all off, there is snow all over the ground. She can't even SEE THE FUCKING LEAVES. Crazy shit.
So I just snap. I just start making fun of her. Like, hardcore mean shit too. I don't even remember half the shit I said, but I was making fun of her unibrow, her mustache, how she smells like she just got back from a goddamn fiesta. I told her she looks like a fucking greasy potato covered in pubes. The fucking works. She just stood there for a bit without saying shit, looking like she was going to cry. I almost felt bad, but her stupid little rat-dog started yapping at something. So I just stare at it, point, and say "And you...I'll fucking kill you." I don't even know why I said that. Fucking rat-dog just pisses me off. And then I parked my car in the driveway and went inside. She was still just standing there. That was a few hours ago. I figured she'd call the cops on me for threatening her dog or some stupid shit like that. But nothing, so it's all good.
I dunno, I thought it was pretty cool. Just thought I'd share.