Hey Thalaw, it’s nice to have a new fanfic enter this area since it’s so rarely used. I won’t go super detailed with my thoughts, nor will I break it apart like an editor, and just give you my general opinion unless you want me to go more in depth later on.
I noticed you had quite a few grammatical errors going on especially with our dear friend, the comma. Besides that, there’s a few sentences in the story that gave me a bit of difficulty and I think they could use a bit of rewrite magic just to make it flow better.
Overall, I thought it was an interesting opening to a story that’s yet to come. You started with an event a lot of people can connect with crowded areas and robberies and I think that’s a good way to establish an initial connection with the audience. Now, if only I knew his name :P