Originally Posted by Shrike
For me, sex is an important part of the relationship. No matter how old I will get and how much less sex will I have if I am in a long term relationship, there is a part of it when the sex is important and it can very well break your relationship no matter how "similar" you two are. Read below in my response for further explanation.
But it can be true. I mean, I can meet a super awesome chick who is a cool person and all and when we go into bed she lies there like a mannequin without letting a sound because she is all shy or whatever and I feel like I'm fucking a corpse, I would tell her to at least try to change that or bye bye. Really. There is a level of tolerance for this sex stuff. For example I've been in a relationship where this girl wants to turn off the light every time before sex because she is shy. Another one was afraid of my dick (what the fuck??) so she did the same. She said penises scare her, but that didn't stop her from swallowing my load (because she likes to please people). What? No really, there is a level of weirdness I can take and talk it over.
Some things are just too much. There are people who are not too much into sex. Not joking, met several. There was this one chick who kept saying that "it doesn't matter to her". Well, it matters to ME. I want her to want me. I don't want to have someone who is all like "sure, we can have sex, yeah", but jump on my dick like I jump on her pussy.
You say that they might have nothing in common after the sex, and I agree, but the reverse is also applicable. Albeit a lot less in importance, you can discover that your sex life is very boring and that you are pretty much stuck with it when you get married.
That is why, for me, it's important to try out things before the marriage.
What if there is very little physical attraction but a lot of attraction to the personality? There is that, too. Besides, it doesn't mean that sex will work itself out if there is simply physical attraction.
And honestly, I can't have a healthy relationship without sex. I need it, and it completes my relationship. If the sex part is bad, than it means I will need to sate my appetites somewhere else, meaning cheating on my wife, which sucks balls. Sure, the sex part gets less important later, but never unimportant. There are too many cheaters out there just because their sex appetites are not sated (and they thought they will cope with it or that it will work out).
^This is one of the only points I actually want to touch on directly when discussing the importance of sex to a relationship.
I follow this "graph" when I think of a "complete" love [relationship] because I think it holds true for a fair amount of people. However, emphasis varies on individuals. For instance, some married people are perfectly fine with open relationships, but so long as it's purely for sexual purposes. This is "form" of the "commitment" part of consummate love, and still plausible. The same can go for sexuality: a couple could be perfectly fine with putting less emphasis on sex and instead focus more on whether or not they actually give a shit about each other, and can withstand and the retarded shit they both do, 'cause reals...people can fucking suck, and that can be much more disheartening than laying still during sex.
The only thing that I can say for sure makes or breaks a relationship is communication. Whether it be implied or direct, verbal, non-verbal, physical, or a combination of these, so long as it works, is the only thing any relationship is completely dependent on. This ability to communicate, or the desire to do it can lead to compromise, understanding and a sense of bonding. All else stems from this, including sexuality.
To me, sexuality is something that is pliable, or fluid: it constantly changes and shifts. There are few things which "set in stone" when it comes to sexuality, so proper communication and subsequent shift in perspective should assist with sexual "issues," especially if both parties do mesh well. They should both know better than to put too much pressure on one another and to keep things light-hearted and fun. Or, maybe pressure works, they're go-getters and start crackin skulls in to attain goals, and it works. Actual compatibility and communication should lead to sexual compatibility because they are what each other needs: all the give and takes, and the necessary pressure, or lack thereof.
A lot of things can foil relationships, and I don't think sex is necessarily one of them, because if people really do mesh, they should be able to communicate in some way or another their needs, and subsequently improve. Because, by way of example, I'm not necessarily "dating" material, regardless of my immense sexual prowess
. I have a very flexible sexuality, and there are few things that are completely off-limits to me [keep your goddamn fur suits to yourself]
. However, I fail miserably when it's time to communicate about feels. I have one friend that's actually seen my face while I cry...ever, and for the record, it was angry tears [something had desperately frustrated me, but I forget what it was]. I'm perfectly fine with talking about things that have happened to me, the matter-of-fact sorts, but it's really difficult to get me to talk about how things affect
me. The severity of this is also situational, of course, but that fact remains that I tend to emotionally remove myself from people, especially ones I'm "committed" to for one reason or another. Fuck, just revealing that about myself was hard enough [I feel so exposed], and as you can imagine, this is unhealthy. This malady of mine has been extremely damaging to every relationship I've had in some way, and far more than the occasions in which we didn't get the chance to have sex [willing or not].
I agree a lot with ACt when he says this: