There is too much pressure on individuals to fuck, and this emphasis on sexuality and so much less on compatibility are completely ruining relationships and social perspective on what they actually are. My country is comically repressed sexually, and yet this emphasis on sexuality and "sexual compatibility" as opposed to whether or not you can bear to look at one another for long periods of time. We have divorce rates so staggering it makes some people wonder if anyone can actually "love" anyone else longer than a few months in this day and age.
Originally Posted by ACt
Shrike - a lot of my response was pretty much to refute the "Jerk"'s stance that if you don't have sex before marriage, it won't work out. Ever. End of story. I fully accept that sex is an important part of relationships, but to go out and attack someone else's belief that they shouldn't wait because if they do they'll be unhappy later is weak. There is nothing wrong with either approach so long as you maintain some level of integrity with yourself.
I'm mostly with you - I enjoy sex and wanted a sexually healthy portion of a relationship from the get go (even if I had to wait a bit for it). Which was the final paragraph and what makes "Jerk"'s argument really one of a shithead: he went out of his way to tell the girl she's an idiot for believing the way she does. More than one route to happiness that we cannot say "no, this is the only way." I get that you wouldn't probably enter into a longterm relationship with someone who says "wait until we're married", and that's fine, no one is forcing you to. What I was saying is that it was an idiotic statement to say that its wrong. That's her belief and she's welcome to it. It doesn't affect me, so I can support it.
I do sort of believe that people who want to wait are either "super duper religious that I might get ostracized or stoned" or "I'm just not ready". The former usually comes with a lot of extra issues, like fanatical parents, but has matches within the religion so not unfeasible. What gets me is the "I'm just not ready" really seems incompatible with today's society and there is lots of pressure, as the girl says, "to give it up on the 3rd date". It's insane and to attack her and her religion, even when I don't agree with it, is just the sort of sex centric and male-driven attitudes that do more harm than good when it comes to relationships, in my opinion.
The part of "physical attraction" was in a sense just a comment that I find people who want to wait but find themselves in a relationship in which they want to have sex, they usually do and just don't tell anyone. Yeah, there's still stuff to work out in a sex life (there always is), but if there is attraction, two honest people will figure out how sex fits into their lives. For some, it's hop into bed and fuck like bunnies. For others, it's "wait until I'm ready". Both are fine.
And I don't know what's wrong with you fools. I only have ever been with one girl who I felt was wife material and married her. Shit was simple. (Note: my love life was pretty pathetic before her.)
I think sexuality is healthy, but I don't think it's what's most important, or even that having fuck tons of sex will make it better. Because, while it may not look like this
after banging more than once or twice, your first time -first few times, even- might always be awkward, or just different. People vary, and every individual has their own separate needs. You could fuck fifty chicks, and learn a few tricks, but just because one of them works on someone else, doesn't mean that the other forty-nine will, if any work at all. It's all about communication and how well you "fit" together over-all. To reference the Robert Sternberg theory once more, if it's to be taken as a reliable "definition," then it alone proves that the importance of sex is minor, comparatively, as it's only one third of the equation. Sure, it's not irrelevant, but if it were a contest, sexuality is outnumbered.
Mibs, you have no idea how hard I'd fuck you. <3
Originally Posted by Miburo
Communication and willingness to improve. If we don't have that then I'm sure as hell not going to consider letting her marry me. Edit: If she's compatible with me regarding everything else, I'd already know if she's compatible with me in regards to banging. /fag
I hope that all made sense. I'm tired as fuck.