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#1 |
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Jenisand' rul
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Unfortunately stuck in Germany atm
Age: 26
Posts: 284
Thanks: 152
Thanked 65 Times in 34 Posts
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This is my first attempt to go public and get feedback about it. I ask you to read at least chapters 1-5 till you give me feedback cause I vary a little how I write though I mainly focus onto dialog.
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It's only human to contradict yourself. The best secret is a secret no one knows and no one cares for. As I wander in the Darkness, I feel Strong As I wander in the Darkness, I see Power As I wander in the Darkness, I take the Might As I wander in the Darkness, I loose my Sight As I wander in the Darkness, I fuse with it As I wandered in the Darkness, I became it And all what is left is only deeper Darkness. Fanfiction.net: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1962116/bladeofjudgement DeviantART: http://bladeofjudgement.deviantart.com/ Decide yourself Last edited by Freakout; 01-28-2009 at 05:44 PM. Reason: Some Text editings as a try to make it more enjoyable |
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#2 |
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Jenisand' rul
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Unfortunately stuck in Germany atm
Age: 26
Posts: 284
Thanks: 152
Thanked 65 Times in 34 Posts
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Re: My Fanfic: The Future of Konoha Part 1 Chapter 1
Chapter 2
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It's only human to contradict yourself. The best secret is a secret no one knows and no one cares for. As I wander in the Darkness, I feel Strong As I wander in the Darkness, I see Power As I wander in the Darkness, I take the Might As I wander in the Darkness, I loose my Sight As I wander in the Darkness, I fuse with it As I wandered in the Darkness, I became it And all what is left is only deeper Darkness. Fanfiction.net: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1962116/bladeofjudgement DeviantART: http://bladeofjudgement.deviantart.com/ Decide yourself Last edited by Freakout; 01-28-2009 at 05:46 PM. Reason: Edited text which hopefully made it better |
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#3 |
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Star-Stuff
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: You do not matter. None of us do.
Age: 21
Posts: 3,433
Thanks: 755
Thanked 1,181 Times in 646 Posts
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Re: My Fanfic: The Future of Konoha Part 1 Chapter 1
Your little fanfic might be more popular if you wrote it as a story, with details and emotional back-up, than as line after line of dialogue.
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![]() Luck is a skill. <Jonathan3 |
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#4 |
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Jenisand' rul
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Unfortunately stuck in Germany atm
Age: 26
Posts: 284
Thanks: 152
Thanked 65 Times in 34 Posts
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Re: My Fanfic: The Future of Konoha Part 1 Chapter 1
Chapter 3:
P.S. @Uchiha_Kina This is more for playing around and get feedback thank you for that I will try to improve.
__________________
It's only human to contradict yourself. The best secret is a secret no one knows and no one cares for. As I wander in the Darkness, I feel Strong As I wander in the Darkness, I see Power As I wander in the Darkness, I take the Might As I wander in the Darkness, I loose my Sight As I wander in the Darkness, I fuse with it As I wandered in the Darkness, I became it And all what is left is only deeper Darkness. Fanfiction.net: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1962116/bladeofjudgement DeviantART: http://bladeofjudgement.deviantart.com/ Decide yourself Last edited by Freakout; 01-28-2009 at 05:48 PM. Reason: Edited text hopefully it now is better |
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#5 |
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Jenisand' rul
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Unfortunately stuck in Germany atm
Age: 26
Posts: 284
Thanks: 152
Thanked 65 Times in 34 Posts
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Re: My Fanfic: The Future of Konoha Part 1 Chapter 1
Here comes Chapter 4:
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It's only human to contradict yourself. The best secret is a secret no one knows and no one cares for. As I wander in the Darkness, I feel Strong As I wander in the Darkness, I see Power As I wander in the Darkness, I take the Might As I wander in the Darkness, I loose my Sight As I wander in the Darkness, I fuse with it As I wandered in the Darkness, I became it And all what is left is only deeper Darkness. Fanfiction.net: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1962116/bladeofjudgement DeviantART: http://bladeofjudgement.deviantart.com/ Decide yourself Last edited by Freakout; 01-28-2009 at 05:49 PM. Reason: Edited Text which hopefully improved my writing |
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#6 |
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Jenisand' rul
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Unfortunately stuck in Germany atm
Age: 26
Posts: 284
Thanks: 152
Thanked 65 Times in 34 Posts
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Re: My Fanfic: The Future of Konoha Part 1 Chapter 1
Chapter 5
__________________
It's only human to contradict yourself. The best secret is a secret no one knows and no one cares for. As I wander in the Darkness, I feel Strong As I wander in the Darkness, I see Power As I wander in the Darkness, I take the Might As I wander in the Darkness, I loose my Sight As I wander in the Darkness, I fuse with it As I wandered in the Darkness, I became it And all what is left is only deeper Darkness. Fanfiction.net: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1962116/bladeofjudgement DeviantART: http://bladeofjudgement.deviantart.com/ Decide yourself Last edited by Freakout; 01-28-2009 at 05:57 PM. Reason: Text editing for a hopefully better work |
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#7 |
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Jenisand' rul
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Unfortunately stuck in Germany atm
Age: 26
Posts: 284
Thanks: 152
Thanked 65 Times in 34 Posts
![]() |
Re: My Fanfic: The Future of Konoha Part 1 Chapter 1
Chapter 6
__________________
It's only human to contradict yourself. The best secret is a secret no one knows and no one cares for. As I wander in the Darkness, I feel Strong As I wander in the Darkness, I see Power As I wander in the Darkness, I take the Might As I wander in the Darkness, I loose my Sight As I wander in the Darkness, I fuse with it As I wandered in the Darkness, I became it And all what is left is only deeper Darkness. Fanfiction.net: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1962116/bladeofjudgement DeviantART: http://bladeofjudgement.deviantart.com/ Decide yourself |
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