Should parents be in control of a child's future?

sheik · 03-27-2007, 06:51 PM

I have noticed lately there have been few topics in the debate section and good topics are harder to find. Most threads have been on issues that we tend to be a bit one sided so I wanted to throw this.

Should Parents be in control of a child's future?

What do you think it should be like?

If you want to do a low paying job but your parents want you to better yourself, should the parents prevent you of making the choice and the parents stop you because they believe you will regret it and it will ruin your life....(i.e. pornstar, etc...)

or

If your parents want you to be a doctor but you always had a passion for cars and fixing them, should you follow your dream? Should they be in control of what you wanna do?

DarkAztek · 03-27-2007, 07:12 PM

Until the age of 18, parents can do (and should be able to do) quite a bit to their kids. If a kid wants a job, it isn't any kind of abuse for a parent to not allow them to work there.

However, once you're 18, your parents cannot force you to do ANYTHING. The problem that goes hand in hand with that is that you probably won't get any support from your parents unless you bend to their wishes.

That may or may not make them bad parents depending upon the circumstances.

03-27-2007, 08:03 PM

Like DA said, up until 18 the parents should be able to do what they want to their kids. However, I don't think parents should set the kid's future life in stone. What I mean is that parents shouldn't have control over what college or job their kid is going to have when they're older. If the kid is 8 then the parents shouldn't be trying to get him to work as a politcian or send him off to Yale unless he wants to.

Genjutsu Genius · 03-27-2007, 08:36 PM

The child should equaly control what they do, and parents should monitor them, and if need be, change what they do.

MikeyM1979 · 03-27-2007, 10:01 PM

In certain ways, yes, a parent should be there to control things. Early on. Later on, a parent should be there to guide the person and support them. Parents in control later on will just end up with kids who rebel a lot. Later on, they should help influence, not control the son/daughter.

Lily229 · 03-27-2007, 10:16 PM

I agree with Mike. A parent shouldn't control anything. They should be guides for the child. Being in a parent/child relationship should work both ways with both pushing and pulling the same way. Things get bad when there's more push then pull on one side which is why some kids either rebel or cling to the parent. Kids are like glass, all parents leave dirty fingerprints on them, some crack the glass while others shatter.

When the child gets old enough, then the responisbilities shift slightly. Like when a child is finally ready to stay at home without a babysitter. I don't know if you all had that experience but that was a pretty sweet time for me. I didn't do anything but watch tv and do homework, I earned her trust that day and the pushing and pulling motion slowed slightly between us.

No one can control anyone 100%, it's just impossble. I'm not a parent but I've seen enough to know it's all about balance. If you don't have balance you're going to end up with a kid who either doesn't talk and leave home or a kid like me (OR WORSE O.O) come on now, do you all really want that? ^.O

Course, there are circumstances where even if you are the perfect parent your kids can just naturally turn out fucked up. I want to further study on this (nerd alert >.<) so I'll get back to you with my notes about this stuff later @.@

kluang · 03-28-2007, 01:06 AM

I believe parents should guide when their kids is 18-19.
Lower then 18 they should talk of why they want their kids to do this. Let them understand. Don't force on the kids. They the one that will pick your old folks home though.

cursesealer · 03-28-2007, 01:16 AM

Parenting is very touchy cuz you want your kids to be free and explore many wonderous things but at the same time if your too open then they'll be either totally corrupted, scarred or dead and if your too strict then the child will be socially and emotionally cut off from everyone and be all hated for. Parents should serve better as 'boundary lines'. They are to let the child roam and stop them when they get to close to danger. Many many parents dont do that and easily f**k up a good future. At least those I know of. Parents need to just help guide children until about 13 then begin to lighten up and by age 18, if the child can show to be a mature, well responsible and smart adult, then it's okay to completely let go of the parental chain and set the child free.

Lily229 · 03-28-2007, 11:36 AM

Ya know, we keep talking about the age 18 being the mature age to let your kid go. That's a standord people. Some mature faster then others, just like puberty. I'll tell ya something, my brother's 23 years old and lives like a 5 minute drive from my moms house in case he needs anything, coming in and making a sandwich like he lives there -.-;;;;. *coughs* but anyway, the parental chain should never be cut off just extended. Ever hear the saying "You'll always be my baby *insert gender here* Even when my mother is 40 something years old, been married and had children her mom is still guiding her through life cause life is nothing but a constant uphill battle that no one can fight alone.

SASUKE GURL · 03-28-2007, 12:12 PM

half half
children should be control cuz well..its their life and they choose their own path
and parents just help them choose it...they guide you....thats what i think...i dont kno

Vanity · 03-28-2007, 02:46 PM

I agree a lot with Lily. While I’d like to say parents should be “guides”, that doesn’t quite put it in it’s right context. Guides((of a sort)) can only tell a child what is wrong and right, but something more has to discipline them and be firm when they have done something that is wrong.

I believe a parent should have a large sway on a child’s morals and upbringing, and should be fairly strict with rules and such, but that should lighten up as they mature ((not get older, mature)). Habits and personality traits are developed when we are children, so that is when one should try and help mold them.

Some would argue that parents would be making little copies of themselves in that case. I suppose they’re right. But if a parents does not teach their child, society and what they see will. Even if one does not teach and shape, they will look at your actions. Sometimes, children need to listen to what we((speaking from a parents point of view)) say and grow from that, not what we do.

She also made the point hat sometimes, what parents teach children is not always going to be what determines their outcome. While yes, a good parent could raise a bad person, a bad parent could also raise a very good child. It’s more or less about the child’s ability to learn, and grow as a person.

DarkAztek · 03-28-2007, 05:06 PM

Basically we're arguing over whether or not a parent should be permissive, authoritarian, or authoritative.

The fact of the matter is that a parent CANNOT just be a guide. That's more like a friend than anything else. A parent's job is to raise you, not to mollycoddle you or to do shit like what some of you are talking about. Lemme quote an interesting article I that I read:

Quote:

Arguably one of the most, if not the most important aspect of a growing child’s life is the presence (or lack there of) of their parents. There are many different types of parenting styles. There is no set type of parent but rather a continuum with punctuated qualities in parenting style. Three parenting styles that have been identified by multiple investigators include authoritarian parents, permissive parents and authoritative parents. Authoritarian parents establish rules and expect the obedience of their children. Authoritarian parents tend to be the strictest of all three styles. Children with such parents will often hear phrases such as “Because I said so” “I’m your mother/father, that’s why” and “if you don’t ______ you’ll be grounded”. Parents who value their children’s unwavering obedience above all else, would most likely chose the authoritarian style because it might have that desired effect (Meyers, 2003). Permissive Parents on the other hand are almost the opposite. Permissive parents ask little of their children, tend to punish infrequently and often appease their children by submitting to their wants and desires. (Meyers, 2003). In this type of relationship, children have a large amount of freedom as their parents are much more liberal with rule making, if any rules are established at all. Examples of living with permissive parents might be having a very late curfew or little to no household chores. Authoritative parents are a combination of authoritarian and permissive. They make demands of their children, but they are also open to discussion. When setting rules and limitations for their children, they explain the reasoning behind those rules. Authoritative parents encourage discussion with their children and are more flexible with rule making, sometimes allowing exceptions. For example, “You can stay out an hour later than your regular curfew because you did all of your homework and chores” (Meyers, 2003). These three types of parenting styles can be compared to that of the hardness of the beds in the Goldilocks and the Three Bears fairy tale; too hard, too soft and just right. As we know, correlation is not causation, however, studies have shown that most often, children with the highest self-esteem and social competence tend to have authoritative parents. According to Meyer, the correlation between social competence and authoritative parenting can possibly be explained in three ways; 1. children’s social capability influences parenting, 2, parenting influences children’s social capability, or 3. there may be an underlying third factor that influences both (2003). When parents are open to discussion, understanding and reasonable with their children it makes for a better relationship. When parents are consistent with the rules they establish and subsequent consequences to actions are predictable, children feel as though they control the outcome (Meyers, 2003).

Although parents play a key role in the lives of their adolescent children, adolescents are looking to establish their own identities; to become individuals. The transition from dependent child to assertive and independent teenager however is a gradual process. Adolescence is usually a time during which children argue with their parents often, not necessarily about large scale issues but more mundane things such as chores, school work and bedtime (Tesser and others, 1989 as cited in Meyer, 2003). As children mature from adolescence to adulthood, the emotional links between parents and their children begins to losen a bit. Teens will go through many stages and emotions, such as resentment, anger, frustration and rebellion. Throughout this period though, most arguments are not destructive, with few parent/adolescent relationships ending in serious rifts (Meyers, 2003). The adolescent parent relationship can most often be viewed as a bell curve. Two experimenters Frank (1998) and White (1983) noted that “During their early twenties, many still lean heavily on their parents. By their late twenties, most feel more comfortably independent of their parents and better able to empathize with them as fellow adults” (as cited in Meyers, 2003). The movement from adolescence to adulthood seems to have increased over the years. Possible reasons for this include the longer amount of time adolescence spend earning higher education and are therefore are financially dependent on their parents for longer, the subsequent delay in career choice and the increase in the age of marriage (Meyers, 2003).

20 bucks says that nobody but Miburo will read any of that.

shadowclone · 03-28-2007, 05:09 PM

^^^you are correct my friend.

i didnt even bother to read it but your comment will suffice. i absolutely agree with a parent's job is to raise you and not to patronise you. =P

Jaxon · 03-28-2007, 05:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DarkAztek

20 bucks says that nobody but Miburo will read any of that.

I read it all, before I even saw that little note =P

Where'd you find that article? It's good.

Anyway, that pretty much sums up what you should think if you have an unbiased viewpoint and some common sense, IMO. In theory, you get all the plus points of hardline and liberal parenting, but without the drawbacks, like a lack of respect or a submissive personality.

D4rKR34v3r · 03-28-2007, 05:47 PM

Half and Half. They can help guide us when we are younger and do not know crap. But what they cannot do is deny us from being something we want, like Artist, Computer Technician, or Trucker. They can't do that. We control our future, but parents can help us if we make the wrong decision until we get old enough to understand what we truly want. You parents Shouldn't want you to be a doctor if you want to be a mechanic, or truck driver. It should be about what your passion is and not the money, because you are going to be working for that Job for a long time, and if they are not Driven, then they will quit and be a bum

View Poll Results: Should parents be in control of child's future carreer?
I agree that parents should make the decisions	1	2.78%
I think the kids should make the decisions	8	22.22%
I'm half and half......	27	75.00%
Voters: 36. You may not vote on this poll

03-27-2007, 06:51 PM	#1
sheik S-Ranked Shinobi Join Date: May 2005 Location: on the planet earth in the good ol USA Age: 22 Posts: 2,696 Thanks: 315 Thanked 20 Times in 11 Posts	Should parents be in control of a child's future? I have noticed lately there have been few topics in the debate section and good topics are harder to find. Most threads have been on issues that we tend to be a bit one sided so I wanted to throw this. Should Parents be in control of a child's future? What do you think it should be like? If you want to do a low paying job but your parents want you to better yourself, should the parents prevent you of making the choice and the parents stop you because they believe you will regret it and it will ruin your life....(i.e. pornstar, etc...) or If your parents want you to be a doctor but you always had a passion for cars and fixing them, should you follow your dream? Should they be in control of what you wanna do? __________________ What happened to Typhoon_4434? made by rasenganfox Last edited by sheik; 03-27-2007 at 06:53 PM.

03-27-2007, 07:12 PM	#2
DarkAztek Sand Man Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Massachusetts Age: 30 Posts: 3,324 Thanks: 64 Thanked 583 Times in 190 Posts	Re: Should parents be in control of a child's future? Until the age of 18, parents can do (and should be able to do) quite a bit to their kids. If a kid wants a job, it isn't any kind of abuse for a parent to not allow them to work there. However, once you're 18, your parents cannot force you to do ANYTHING. The problem that goes hand in hand with that is that you probably won't get any support from your parents unless you bend to their wishes. That may or may not make them bad parents depending upon the circumstances. __________________ [CENTER] Nam Myōhō Renge Kyō[/CENTER] [CENTER] [IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v293/HookerBodyShots/shark.jpg[/IMG][/CENTER] [center][b]Filler content[/b][/center]

03-27-2007, 08:03 PM	#3
LonelyNinja Guest Posts: n/a	Re: Should parents be in control of a child's future? Like DA said, up until 18 the parents should be able to do what they want to their kids. However, I don't think parents should set the kid's future life in stone. What I mean is that parents shouldn't have control over what college or job their kid is going to have when they're older. If the kid is 8 then the parents shouldn't be trying to get him to work as a politcian or send him off to Yale unless he wants to.

03-27-2007, 08:36 PM	#4
Genjutsu Genius Chuunin Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: In a flower field! Somewhere over that rainboww!! =] Age: 18 Posts: 491 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Should parents be in control of a child's future? The child should equaly control what they do, and parents should monitor them, and if need be, change what they do. __________________ Fanclubs: [Haruno Sakura, Final Fantasy]**♥ I made my siggy and my avvy! Shuddap, I know I suck! Flowers!

03-27-2007, 10:01 PM	#5
MikeyM1979 Hokage Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: New York Age: 33 Posts: 6,907 Thanks: 15 Thanked 604 Times in 577 Posts	Re: Should parents be in control of a child's future? In certain ways, yes, a parent should be there to control things. Early on. Later on, a parent should be there to guide the person and support them. Parents in control later on will just end up with kids who rebel a lot. Later on, they should help influence, not control the son/daughter. __________________ Mikey's deviantART Owner of the Naruto Debating FC Member of the Akatsuki FC Proud co-owner of the Dragonball FC Proud owner of the Genius FC

03-28-2007, 01:06 AM	#7
kluang One Punch Man Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 6,420 Thanks: 3,186 Thanked 4,668 Times in 2,102 Posts	Re: Should parents be in control of a child's future? I believe parents should guide when their kids is 18-19. Lower then 18 they should talk of why they want their kids to do this. Let them understand. Don't force on the kids. They the one that will pick your old folks home though. __________________ To err is human, to forgive, divine. Humans aren't machines... they have souls, feelings. They live, they die, they love, they hate... And yes, they even make mistakes..... When kluang finds you creepy and wrong then you are beyond horrible. He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster. And when you gaze long into an abyss the abyss also gazes into you. Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe. Quis custodiet ipsos custodes? Being Malaysian is about driving in a German car to an Indian restaurant for an Indonesian food, then travelling home, grabbing a Pakistani kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV. Because we have no originality.

03-28-2007, 01:16 AM	#8
cursesealer ANBU Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: At someplace somewhere with someone that somebody knew Age: 26 Posts: 1,413 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Should parents be in control of a child's future? Parenting is very touchy cuz you want your kids to be free and explore many wonderous things but at the same time if your too open then they'll be either totally corrupted, scarred or dead and if your too strict then the child will be socially and emotionally cut off from everyone and be all hated for. Parents should serve better as 'boundary lines'. They are to let the child roam and stop them when they get to close to danger. Many many parents dont do that and easily fk up a good future. At least those I know of. Parents need to just help guide children until about 13 then begin to lighten up and by age 18, if the child can show to be a mature, well responsible and smart adult, then it's okay to completely let go of the parental chain and set the child free. __________________ member of the Akatsuki FC My apprentice in training: naruto_the_demon_fox** One day, when I have enough money, I shall buy all of the world's belguim waffles and pancakes.

03-28-2007, 12:12 PM	#10
SASUKE GURL ANBU Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: eww...whore...=) Age: 21 Posts: 1,434 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Should parents be in control of a child's future? half half children should be control cuz well..its their life and they choose their own path and parents just help them choose it...they guide you....thats what i think...i dont kno

03-28-2007, 02:46 PM	#11
Vanity Succumb Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 976 Thanks: 3,432 Thanked 5,983 Times in 2,238 Posts	Re: Should parents be in control of a child's future? I agree a lot with Lily. While I’d like to say parents should be “guides”, that doesn’t quite put it in it’s right context. Guides((of a sort)) can only tell a child what is wrong and right, but something more has to discipline them and be firm when they have done something that is wrong. I believe a parent should have a large sway on a child’s morals and upbringing, and should be fairly strict with rules and such, but that should lighten up as they mature ((not get older, mature)). Habits and personality traits are developed when we are children, so that is when one should try and help mold them. Some would argue that parents would be making little copies of themselves in that case. I suppose they’re right. But if a parents does not teach their child, society and what they see will. Even if one does not teach and shape, they will look at your actions. Sometimes, children need to listen to what we((speaking from a parents point of view)) say and grow from that, not what we do. She also made the point hat sometimes, what parents teach children is not always going to be what determines their outcome. While yes, a good parent could raise a bad person, a bad parent could also raise a very good child. It’s more or less about the child’s ability to learn, and grow as a person. __________________ My nerves are bad to-night. Yes, bad. Stay with me. Speak to me. Why do you never speak? Speak. What are you thinking of? What thinking? What? I never know what you are thinking. Think.

03-28-2007, 05:09 PM	#13
shadowclone Genbu Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Ebon Hawk Age: 26 Posts: 2,568 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Should parents be in control of a child's future? ^^^you are correct my friend. i didnt even bother to read it but your comment will suffice. i absolutely agree with a parent's job is to raise you and not to patronise you. =P __________________ Video cards used to have way cooler names. Now they read like Star Wars robots. – Mark Wilson So true.

03-28-2007, 05:47 PM	#15
D4rKR34v3r ANBU Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Wow, if you are reading this stop trying to stalk me Age: 19 Posts: 1,589 Thanks: 0 Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post	Re: Should parents be in control of a child's future? Half and Half. They can help guide us when we are younger and do not know crap. But what they cannot do is deny us from being something we want, like Artist, Computer Technician, or Trucker. They can't do that. We control our future, but parents can help us if we make the wrong decision until we get old enough to understand what we truly want. You parents Shouldn't want you to be a doctor if you want to be a mechanic, or truck driver. It should be about what your passion is and not the money, because you are going to be working for that Job for a long time, and if they are not Driven, then they will quit and be a bum __________________

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