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#16 |
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cpas
![]() Join Date: Oct 2006
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Re: bals fanfic
chapter 33
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#17 |
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cpas
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Re: bals fanfic
side story chapter 1
chapter 2 |
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#18 |
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cpas
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Re: bals fanfic
side story chapter 3
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#19 |
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cpas
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Re: bals fanfic
side story chapter 4
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#20 |
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cpas
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Re: bals fanfic
side story chapter 5
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#21 |
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cpas
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Re: bals fanfic
chapter 6
final chapter of FTP side story |
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#22 |
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Genin
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Re: bals fanfic
Thanks Man you did a good job
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#23 |
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cpas
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Re: bals fanfic
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#24 |
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sunshine and biscuits
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Re: bals fanfic
Read the first two chapters; they were sweet. Would be great if you did an NL version... that way I'd recognise all of the characters XD
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#25 |
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cpas
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Re: bals fanfic
i was planning on it
but in the fan fic on ML i have a part where everyone goes to NL and fights there |
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#26 |
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Reckless
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Re: bals fanfic
and ppl at ml are much cooler and shit ; )
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#27 |
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Legendary
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Re: bals fanfic
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#28 |
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Reckless
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Re: bals fanfic
the n00bs at nl are more annoying lol.
well as a site, ML > NL. and anyways, to stay on topic. Bal, the fanfic has been good so far, keep it up |
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#29 |
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Sexy Lady
![]() Join Date: May 2005
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Re: bals fanfic
bal, i didn't even know this was here! i feels so ignorant!
i've been thinking about it recently, i'm so happy to see it ^_^
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| The Following User Says Thank You to Tabris For This Useful Post: | stubborn_d0nkey (06-30-2011) |
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#30 |
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Academy Student
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bals fanfic
Hey Thalaw, it’s nice to have a new fanfic enter this area since it’s so rarely used. I won’t go super detailed with my thoughts, nor will I break it apart like an editor, and just give you my general opinion unless you want me to go more in depth later on.
I noticed you had quite a few grammatical errors going on especially with our dear friend, the comma. Besides that, there’s a few sentences in the story that gave me a bit of difficulty and I think they could use a bit of rewrite magic just to make it flow better. Overall, I thought it was an interesting opening to a story that’s yet to come. You started with an event a lot of people can connect with crowded areas and robberies and I think that’s a good way to establish an initial connection with the audience. Now, if only I knew his name :P |
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