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Old 03-20-2009, 12:09 PM   #1
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wtf? PUT A BIBLE OVER YOUR PENIS, SAYS POPE

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/h...-200903181648/

POPE Benedict last night claimed that placing a bible over an erect penis before intercourse is the only guaranteed way to prevent the spread of Aids.

May cause chafing
Speaking before his tour of Africa, the Pontiff said Aids could only be tackled by the 'traditional teaching of the church' and not a latex rubber sheath that contains infected semen and prevents it from transferring the virus to another human being.

Experts said that either the Pope is suggesting the bible is used like a condom, or he doesn't know what a condom is.

Dr Emma Bradford, of Reading University, said: "I guess you would have to rip out a few pages of Leviticus and then somehow fashion them into a condom-like device using lots and lots of masking tape.

"Or you could shred the pages, soak them in water and construct something that looks a bit like a paper maché cigar tube."

Dr Bradford added: "It has to be one of those two because suggesting that the African Aids epidemic can be contained simply by reading the bible would be criminally insane."

Since his inauguration in 2005 the Pope has continued the Church's strong opposition to condoms by calling for abstinence, supervised heavy petting and whacking it repeatedly with a wooden spoon until it goes all soft again.

Meanwhile the Vatican has issued this year's list of approved non-penetrative carnal techniques including pearl necklaces, light genital branding and something called 'Dutch steamboating'.

also:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2009...a-condoms-aids

wtf is with this guy?
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Old 03-20-2009, 12:18 PM   #2
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Re: wtf? PUT A BIBLE OVER YOUR PENIS, SAYS POPE

Well... he is the pope. I mean, can't get much more retarded than that. He believes in talking snakes and shit.
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Old 03-20-2009, 12:32 PM   #3
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Re: wtf? PUT A BIBLE OVER YOUR PENIS, SAYS POPE

I guess I'd skeet on my bible too if I had one.
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Old 03-20-2009, 12:35 PM   #4
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Re: wtf? PUT A BIBLE OVER YOUR PENIS, SAYS POPE

Quote:
Well... he is the pope. I mean, can't get much more retarded than that. He believes in talking snakes and shit.
retarded is way to small to describe this
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Old 03-20-2009, 12:52 PM   #5
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Re: wtf? PUT A BIBLE OVER YOUR PENIS, SAYS POPE

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Originally Posted by popion View Post

POPE Benedict last night claimed that placing a bible over an erect penis before intercourse is the only guaranteed way to prevent the spread of Aids.
Well durrrr God totally approves of fornication if you slap your dong around with The Word a bit.
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Old 03-21-2009, 10:05 PM   #6
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Re: wtf? PUT A BIBLE OVER YOUR PENIS, SAYS POPE

And if you don't want to get her pregnant, milk it and the little dudes will not suffer so much.
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Old 03-21-2009, 11:48 PM   #7
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Re: wtf? PUT A BIBLE OVER YOUR PENIS, SAYS POPE

Lol, if that doesnt work, just go to page 12 and skull fuck judas to get rid of herpes!
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Old 03-22-2009, 12:06 AM   #8
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Re: wtf? PUT A BIBLE OVER YOUR PENIS, SAYS POPE

They should little Bible condoms with random sex-related scriptures. I buy one if they made one say "MISSIONARY SEX ONLY" because I would lulz.
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Old 03-22-2009, 12:58 AM   #9
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Re: wtf? PUT A BIBLE OVER YOUR PENIS, SAYS POPE

All joking aside, he means that men and women should follow the teachings of the bible. No fornication before marriage and no fooling around with someone else while you are married. I'm not perfect, and I'm by no means a saint. But considering those same doctors who are calling the Pope criminally insane for promoting abstinence also consider the spread of AIDS in Africa an epidemic, maybe a little self control would not be to much to ask from people. If over 70 million people in America had AIDS, rest assured, I would not be looking for any one night stands.
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Old 03-22-2009, 01:46 AM   #10
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Re: wtf? PUT A BIBLE OVER YOUR PENIS, SAYS POPE

Yeah he's gay
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Old 03-22-2009, 03:03 AM   #11
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Re: wtf? PUT A BIBLE OVER YOUR PENIS, SAYS POPE

Quote:
Originally Posted by Freshgrease View Post
They should little Bible condoms with random sex-related scriptures. I buy one if they made one say "MISSIONARY SEX ONLY" because I would lulz.
What would you need condoms for? =D

Quote:
Originally Posted by emachina View Post
All joking aside, he means that men and women should follow the teachings of the bible. No fornication before marriage and no fooling around with someone else while you are married. I'm not perfect, and I'm by no means a saint. But considering those same doctors who are calling the Pope criminally insane for promoting abstinence also consider the spread of AIDS in Africa an epidemic, maybe a little self control would not be to much to ask from people. If over 70 million people in America had AIDS, rest assured, I would not be looking for any one night stands.
Know what else prevents AIDS? Condoms. Condemning them is retarded no matter how you try and smear it. He's a dumbshit. And people who do what dumbshits say aren't that bright either.
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Old 03-22-2009, 02:30 PM   #12
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Re: wtf? PUT A BIBLE OVER YOUR PENIS, SAYS POPE

Song of Songs is one of the best books to jack-off to! It is practically the centerfold of the Bible (strangely it is near the center.)
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Old 03-22-2009, 03:47 PM   #13
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Re: wtf? PUT A BIBLE OVER YOUR PENIS, SAYS POPE

Quote:
Originally Posted by Miburo View Post
Know what else prevents AIDS? Condoms. Condemning them is retarded no matter how you try and smear it. He's a dumbshit. And people who do what dumbshits say aren't that bright either.
And people who talk big on the internet are usually small dicked basement dwellers.
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Old 03-22-2009, 03:53 PM   #14
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Re: wtf? PUT A BIBLE OVER YOUR PENIS, SAYS POPE

So if he stick it up his ass..it will protect him from anal cancer?

/retarded
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Old 03-22-2009, 04:46 PM   #15
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Re: wtf? PUT A BIBLE OVER YOUR PENIS, SAYS POPE

You know that's a spoof article right. The pontiff didn't physically suggest using the book itself as a contraceptive.

/facepalm
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