My life, in linear terms - Fandom Forums
Fandom Forums



Go Back   Fandom Forums > The Trashbin > Spam Zone

Spam Zone Come here to post anything that doesnt fit into the rest of the forum topics.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 09-14-2009, 12:07 AM   #1
balmung5000
cpas
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 2,123
Thanks: 0
Thanked 4,878 Times in 1,982 Posts
balmung5000 has a spectacular aura aboutbalmung5000 has a spectacular aura aboutbalmung5000 has a spectacular aura aboutbalmung5000 has a spectacular aura aboutbalmung5000 has a spectacular aura about
My life, in linear terms

What I list here are facts and predictions about my life.

The following is entirely true, seeing as how I remember every detail of my life between the ages of 6 months and 39. Of course, to be extra cautious, I fact checked with a soothsayer who looks strangely like a cross between Woody Allen and Hillary Swank. Obviously I would not post this if I did not 100% believe every fact, nodule, and detail listed here.



* I was a sullen 1 year old, though I responded well to music.

* As a 3 year old, I was intimately acquainted with every aspect of existentialism save for the word itself.

* At age 5, I got into a fistfight with the neighbor kid over the relevance of Pound's Cantos to the Modernist movement.

* By the time I was 7, I was an avowed atheist and told dirty anecdotes about animals in mixed company.

* At age 9, I was given a regular column in the New Yorker, but later had to yield to John Updike in a highly publicized scandal. ...That bitch.

* At 11, I sprouted wings, though they fell off shortly. They were delicious.

* 13: Erotic dreams involving Bertrand Russell mark the awakening of my latent sexuality and the beginning of the end for clean bedsheets everywhere.

* 15 found me making ends meet by discussing Melville and Eliot with complete strangers.

* As a 17 year old, I was happily engaged to Stephen Dedalus but called the whole thing off when I realized that he was a fictional character. He broke my heart.

* My 19th year was squandered when I finally got accepted into college only to get ejected months later for gnostical turpitude.

* The 21st year of my life was confiscated by the Vatican. They keep it behind in vaccuum sealed glass and use it to make their point about sinful living.

* By the ripe old age of 23, I was collecting worker's comp after taking a bullet to save a rhyming dictionary from falling into the hands of lesser poets.

* At 25, I spend my leisure time thinking about unions that would actually ruin everything, like how if Romeo Corp and Juliet Industries came together, they would create a monopoly and kill all infrastructure or something.

*27: During my week days, I will sell bogus papal indulgences that only get people into CLOWN heaven. I target the elderly.

* My 29th year will be spent entirely in a 1/10 scale time re-enactment of the 80s, including my birth. I will go deaf in one ear from the trauma introduced by cocaine and horrible music.

* As a 31 year old, I find out that my lifestyle is to diabetes as a hammer is to a nail. I will vow to rid myself of my croissant fever, get healthy, and to win Iditarod armed with nothing more than an aging dachshund and some skis.

* From the very moment I turn 33, I will suffer amnesia a la Fred Flinstone. Unsure of my name, purpose, or how I got so many freckles on my feet, I become inspired by Ubu and the Truth Commission.

* 35: I will have completely regained my memories, but still insist on being called King Ubu. People will only accept this title on the precondition that I learn to finish my se

* At 37 years of age, my inner, third eye will manifest and all of the naught bits of the universe are revealed to me.

* By the time I am 39, I will have grown weary of a world without NCIS reruns on all of the time. I will strip down naked, walk into the woods, and wrestle the largest brown bear I can find.

For some reason, that is as far into the future as I can glimpse.
balmung5000 is offline  


Old 09-14-2009, 12:07 AM   #2
balmung5000
cpas
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 2,123
Thanks: 0
Thanked 4,878 Times in 1,982 Posts
balmung5000 has a spectacular aura aboutbalmung5000 has a spectacular aura aboutbalmung5000 has a spectacular aura aboutbalmung5000 has a spectacular aura aboutbalmung5000 has a spectacular aura about
Re: My life, in linear terms

/INB4COPY-PASTA

ITS NOT


cpas
balmung5000 is offline  
Old 09-14-2009, 12:18 AM   #3
Azumi
유아쿨입유캔리드디스
 
Azumi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: In the land of rubbershoes and dirty ice cream... ;o)
Posts: 3,701
Thanks: 730
Thanked 354 Times in 271 Posts
Azumi is just really niceAzumi is just really niceAzumi is just really niceAzumi is just really niceAzumi is just really niceAzumi is just really niceAzumi is just really niceAzumi is just really nice
Re: My life, in linear terms

Alert!

Plagiarism

=D
__________________


I LOL'D.
삳 압. 유 아 이스투피드.
Azumi is offline  
Old 09-14-2009, 12:47 AM   #4
hakushiro
FUBAR
 
hakushiro's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: At the center of your universe.
Age: 27
Posts: 1,295
Thanks: 10
Thanked 71 Times in 64 Posts
hakushiro is on a distinguished road
Re: My life, in linear terms

Quote:
Quote:
During my week days, I will sell bogus papal indulgences that only get people into CLOWN heaven. I target the elderly.
I LOLd.
Hard.
XD

^It was plagiarized? O_o Noooooo...
__________________
The march of the human mind is... painfully slow.
hakushiro is offline  
Old 09-14-2009, 01:20 AM   #5
kluang
One Punch Man
 
kluang's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 6,404
Thanks: 3,166
Thanked 4,595 Times in 2,087 Posts
kluang is a splendid one to beholdkluang is a splendid one to beholdkluang is a splendid one to beholdkluang is a splendid one to beholdkluang is a splendid one to beholdkluang is a splendid one to beholdkluang is a splendid one to beholdkluang is a splendid one to beholdkluang is a splendid one to beholdkluang is a splendid one to beholdkluang is a splendid one to behold
Re: My life, in linear terms

o year I was born can speak Japanese

5 year went to the kindergaden and have my first sex with my teacher.

7 years old, I fought together with Che Guevarra to free the world from capitalist. We manage to free Cuba. Too bad he died in Bolivia. Got bored with Marxist.

12 years old. Join Crazy 88. But my Japs buddies kill by a woman in Bruce Lee tights.

17 years old. Become Plisskin sidekick and have to escape from NY and LA in such a manly way. Discover the joy on manliness.

22 years old. Pack with manlines learn from Plisskin, decide to join FOX. Got involved in a conspiracy involving a snake and an ocelot and was thrown to the anime world.

23 years old. Become the biggest star in a preggo hentai series by impreg every young woman I encountered in anime world.
__________________









To err is human, to forgive, divine. Humans aren't machines... they have souls, feelings. They live, they die, they love, they hate... And yes, they even make mistakes.....

When kluang finds you creepy and wrong then you are beyond horrible.

He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster. And when you gaze long into an abyss the abyss also gazes into you.

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe.



Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?

Being Malaysian is about driving in a German car to an Indian restaurant for an Indonesian food, then travelling home, grabbing a Pakistani kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV. Because we have no originality.






kluang is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to kluang For This Useful Post:
Azumi (09-14-2009)
Old 09-14-2009, 02:55 AM   #6
Azumi
유아쿨입유캔리드디스
 
Azumi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: In the land of rubbershoes and dirty ice cream... ;o)
Posts: 3,701
Thanks: 730
Thanked 354 Times in 271 Posts
Azumi is just really niceAzumi is just really niceAzumi is just really niceAzumi is just really niceAzumi is just really niceAzumi is just really niceAzumi is just really niceAzumi is just really nice
Re: My life, in linear terms

4 months. I learned I couldnt do anything yet but to cry and pee, so I decided to stay on my crib and drink what my momma had for me - her 4-month old colostrum. I hated it, but I had nothing back then.

During my first year in this world, I discovered the sweetest name in the world - mama. I used to call her every time, even at night time when I poo my diapers.

At 5 I went to Day Care and there I realized there were two kinds of people in the world - the ones who deceive and the ones that are deceived. I also realized I was the latter.

At 8, the real word came into my view so clear like a HD TV. There I happened to grasped my first experience in sexuality... Dont get me wrong, I was talking about my first crush. He was cute.

At 9 I realized my first crush happened to be my only childhood boy friend. I felt sad. We were so close that I didnt want him to reject me if I told him the truth. So we moved, and I never saw him since then.

At 11 I started reading romance novels. Cora Clemente, Gilda Olvidado, and R.L. Stine... Those were my favorite authors.

At 11 and 2 months I realized R.L. Stine isnt a romance novelist but the author of Goosebumps Series. I felt sad again.

At 13 I learned the English language. I decided to write my first English novel. But I always used "is" instead of "was" and "have did" instead of "have done" so I decided to quit my stupid dream of being an author.

At 16 I started to curse and swear people. That's when I learned how to use the internet.

My 18th year was the my least favorite year of my life. Why? Because that's the year where the word "debut" was tabooed at home, so I never celebrated it.

Oh wait, i also met a very wonderful guy in the internet at the same year, so yeah, it's still a good year.

At 20 I learned how to read the manga. (Coz I always read the manga from left to right. My brother taught me how to.)

And now, as Im about to turn 22, Im still like a wondering goose whose life in the future is unknown. I have nothing but hopes that I could somewhat join my colleagues again, as I was separated from them for the past 5 months.

At 24 I will be an owner of a stuffed toy shop.

After that... Who knows? I may be married or is working abroad. But then, I have a sky man up there who's gonna decide for my life, all I have to do is live my life to the fullest, be good to others, promote world peace, and share my talents.

That's all I have to say.
__________________


I LOL'D.
삳 압. 유 아 이스투피드.
Azumi is offline  
Old 09-14-2009, 03:39 AM   #7
orvell0072006
Genin
 
orvell0072006's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: arab world
Posts: 132
Thanks: 31
Thanked 20 Times in 18 Posts
orvell0072006 is an unknown quantity at this point
Cool Re: My life, in linear terms

Quote:
Originally Posted by Azumi View Post
Alert!

Plagiarism

=D


wth! hehehe,I never thought LN would banned me, but Im offline yesterday..so I just know it right now anyway thanks boss

&
thanks to my dearest friend azumi
__________________

levro007 ..seek perfection of character!be faithful!endeavor!respect others!& refrain from violent behavior!

Last edited by orvell0072006; 09-14-2009 at 05:33 AM.
orvell0072006 is offline  
Old 09-14-2009, 04:19 AM   #8
Azumi
유아쿨입유캔리드디스
 
Azumi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: In the land of rubbershoes and dirty ice cream... ;o)
Posts: 3,701
Thanks: 730
Thanked 354 Times in 271 Posts
Azumi is just really niceAzumi is just really niceAzumi is just really niceAzumi is just really niceAzumi is just really niceAzumi is just really niceAzumi is just really niceAzumi is just really nice
Re: My life, in linear terms

^lol it wasnt meant for you, silly. =P
__________________


I LOL'D.
삳 압. 유 아 이스투피드.
Azumi is offline  
Old 09-14-2009, 09:55 AM   #9
Tabris
Sexy Lady
 
Tabris's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: in a box, out side your house, with binoculars.
Posts: 778
Thanks: 5,570
Thanked 4,329 Times in 1,961 Posts
Tabris is just really niceTabris is just really niceTabris is just really niceTabris is just really niceTabris is just really niceTabris is just really niceTabris is just really nice
Re: My life, in linear terms

azumi's life is very dissapointing compaired to D.A./Bal's lives
Tabris is offline  
Old 09-14-2009, 11:28 AM   #10
G
S-Ranked Negro
 
G's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 1999
Location: The Heights
Posts: 2,756
Thanks: 393
Thanked 1,261 Times in 458 Posts
G has a reputation beyond reputeG has a reputation beyond reputeG has a reputation beyond reputeG has a reputation beyond reputeG has a reputation beyond reputeG has a reputation beyond reputeG has a reputation beyond reputeG has a reputation beyond reputeG has a reputation beyond reputeG has a reputation beyond reputeG has a reputation beyond repute
Re: My life, in linear terms

Tabris, all you do is come on this forum and slob down damn near every dudes e-dick and on top of that have a bf who refuses to have sex with you, you're in no position to talk.
__________________
G is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to G For This Useful Post:
Azumi (09-14-2009), EJ (09-15-2009), kluang (09-14-2009)
Old 09-14-2009, 01:02 PM   #11
balmung5000
cpas
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 2,123
Thanks: 0
Thanked 4,878 Times in 1,982 Posts
balmung5000 has a spectacular aura aboutbalmung5000 has a spectacular aura aboutbalmung5000 has a spectacular aura aboutbalmung5000 has a spectacular aura aboutbalmung5000 has a spectacular aura about
Re: My life, in linear terms

Quote:
Originally Posted by G View Post
Tabris, all you do is come on this forum and slob down damn near every dudes e-dick and on top of that have a bf who refuses to have sex with you, you're in no position to talk.
THIS MAN KNOWS HIS
LADIES

cpas
balmung5000 is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to balmung5000 For This Useful Post:
Azumi (09-14-2009)
Old 09-14-2009, 01:21 PM   #12
DarkAztek
Sand Man
 
DarkAztek's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Massachusetts
Age: 31
Posts: 3,324
Thanks: 64
Thanked 582 Times in 189 Posts
DarkAztek is a name known to allDarkAztek is a name known to allDarkAztek is a name known to allDarkAztek is a name known to allDarkAztek is a name known to allDarkAztek is a name known to allDarkAztek is a name known to allDarkAztek is a name known to allDarkAztek is a name known to all
Re: My life, in linear terms

Shenanigans!
__________________
[CENTER]
Nam Myōhō Renge Kyō[/CENTER]
[CENTER]
[IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v293/HookerBodyShots/shark.jpg[/IMG][/CENTER]

[center][b]Filler content[/b][/center]
DarkAztek is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to DarkAztek For This Useful Post:
Azumi (09-14-2009), Mal (09-14-2009), Sevi (09-14-2009), UchihaTaijiya (09-14-2009)
Closed Thread


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Vegan couple sentenced to life over baby's death ApatheticDimwit Debates Section 17 09-15-2009 11:12 PM
Man auctions off his life, sale price disappoints Spiegel World News 8 08-06-2008 12:10 PM
What are some of the wierdiest people you know in real life? sheik Chit Chat 66 12-16-2007 10:31 PM
Anyone know good books of life lessons. Boo! Literature 3 04-14-2007 08:06 PM
Life or Death: Husband or Parents bernie_rocks Debates Section 4 02-18-2005 09:06 AM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 04:48 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.3
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.