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Old 12-21-2009, 09:37 PM   #1
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Christmas parties

This weekend, snowed-in somewhere in Boston, I went to an epic Christmas party. In a 2 bedroom apartment, a buddy of mine wanted to throw an Ugly Sweater Party. It was fun, we drank and had a ball... And then things got weird.

I'll start with the only thing I actually have photographic evidence of (see attachments): At one point, after an uncounted number of drinks, these 2 guys (who I don't know) convince me it would be a great idea to go to the bathroom together. ...No, not for a BEEJ-train. We climbed up into the crawl space above the shower and began to explore. What did we find? An ugly Christmas sweater.

So of course, we thought that was awesome and decided to be crazy about it. Less than 5 minutes later, I was successfully put up into another equally small crawl-space. I mean, completely. I couldn't get down. I start freaking out and we think we might have to call the fire department to get me down. From this point onward, I have no personal recollection and can only tell you what happened based on what I have been told.

My head apparently found a weak ceiling board and smashed through it. At this point, my right leg is dangling out of the hole I went in and the rest of me is coming out of the new busted hole I created. Best part: It was in a different room. WHAT room? Oh just one of the hosts, currently in the middle of getting some. He stops, freaks out, and pulls me down while cursing me out. I think I might have gotten a concussion.

It is at this point that the neighbors come down. They were also partying upstairs, came down, and merged their 8 person group with our 20-something group. BEST PART: They are between the ages of 65 and mid-to-late-seventies. One of the guys comes over to me after he heard about my excursion and he offers me a blunt which I GLADLY accept.

Literally just as I light that sucker up, there is a knock at the door. The police are not happy and decide to end our little party. The geezer who gave me the weed turns and says, "Eat that fucker!" So of course, being intelligent, I do. There was roughly 5 grams in said blunt.

From here there is a dark space of which nobody really filled me in. I woke up in the morning underneath someone's bed. Mind you, if you eat a shit ton of weed, in about 4-5 hours you will start being retardedly high. I woke up baked out of my mind, head pounding, and underneath some guy's nasty bed... With two people having sex on said bed above me.

I pull myself out and start moaning which causes the couple to FLIP SHIT because they had no idea I was there. I start freaking out because they are freaking out. I stumble out the door, out of the apartment, and proceed right to the train station. I managed to get home from there, in the foot or so of snow, more fucked up than I have been since college. Without a jacket or my ugly sweater.

Freezing my nurples off, I get to my place to discover I had left my keys at the apartment. At this point, I say "fuck it," take a rock, break my window, get inside, and pass out on the couch for 2 more hours.


This is the short version of this story. There was a lot more drinking in between scenes, the damage to the ceiling really wasn't that bad since it was one of those big tile things that can be replaced for about $5 or a piece of cardboard. My window... I just told the landlord some damn kids did it and got it replaced for free.

No worries, everything is fine now... I just live an absolutely retarded life.
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Last edited by DarkAztek; 12-21-2009 at 09:42 PM.
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Old 12-21-2009, 11:41 PM   #2
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Re: Christmas parties

You should have asked the couple if they would be interested in a threesome.
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Old 12-22-2009, 12:55 AM   #3
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Re: Christmas parties

Holy fuck, awesome.

And, oh man, I scrolled down and checked the pictures at the "see attachment" part. If you look at the pictures without reading the story it looks kinda like a rape slideshow.
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Old 12-22-2009, 01:30 AM   #4
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Re: Christmas parties

that's exactly what i did ^
it made more sense when i read the story, but i was less turned on
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Old 12-22-2009, 01:13 PM   #5
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Re: Christmas parties

I ALWAYS WANTED
TO PARTY WITH DA


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Old 12-22-2009, 04:08 PM   #6
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Re: Christmas parties

I haven't been to a party where the cops get called since last year. It was at a huge kegger party and out in the middle of nowhere, so no one expected that shit. But when we saw the blue lights pulling up the driveway, the four biggest dudes grabbed the 2 kegs and took off into the woods. And everyone just scattered. I stayed by the fire with like three other people and the couple that owned the place and talked to the cops. They said that if they had to come back out, everyone was going to jail for drinking in a dry county. 8] And they kept asking about all the cars so I was just like, "A buncha friends met up here and all left for the coast in one car."
They believed me because I'm cute and persuasive and wasn't that wasted... yet.

Yes, I live in a dry fucking county.
Anyway, I think like three different fights broke out that night and someone broke the beer pong table.

My favorite part of DA's story: "Eat that fucker!"
lmao.
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It's no wonder how they scream
Like you and I they must have some temper

And I am dreaming of them on the plains
Dirtying up their beds
Watching for some sign of rain to cool their hot heads

And how dare that you send me that card when I'm doing all that I can do
You are forcing me to remember when all I want is to just forget you

If the tiger shall protect her young then tell me how did you slip by
All my instincts have failed me for once
I must have somehow slept the whole night

And I am dreaming of them with their kill
Tearing it all apart
Blood dripping from their lips and teeth sinking into heart

And how dare that you say you'll call
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If you have to take sides with the animals
Won't you do it with one who is kind

And if the hawks in the trees need the dead
If you're living you don't stand a chance
For a time though you share the same bed
There are only two ends to this dance

You can flee with your wounds just in time or lie there as he feeds
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So for those of you falling in love keep it kind
Keep it good
Keep it right
Throw yourself in the midst of danger but keep one eye open at night

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Old 12-22-2009, 06:01 PM   #7
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Re: Christmas parties

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Originally Posted by UchihaTaijiya View Post
the four biggest dudes grabbed the 2 kegs and took off into the woods
That mental picture made me lol
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Old 12-24-2009, 01:43 AM   #8
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Re: Christmas parties

Quote:
Originally Posted by DarkAztek View Post
The geezer who gave me the weed turns and says, "Eat that fucker!"
Quote:
Originally Posted by DarkAztek View Post
Mind you, if you eat a shit ton of weed, in about 4-5 hours you will start being retardedly high.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DarkAztek View Post
I woke up baked out of my mind, head pounding, and underneath some guy's nasty bed... With two people having sex on said bed above me. I pull myself out and start moaning which causes the couple to FLIP SHIT because they had no idea I was there. I start freaking out because they are freaking out.
In italics and bold are the parts I literally burst out laughing, and it's 3 in the damned morning.

Hilarious
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Old 12-24-2009, 04:05 PM   #9
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Re: Christmas parties

UT, a dry county? Those exist? I didn't even think people used the word "dry" anymore. At least since like, the 1920's.
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Old 12-24-2009, 06:04 PM   #10
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Re: Christmas parties

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UT, a dry county? Those exist? I didn't even think people used the word "dry" anymore. At least since like, the 1920's.
Yup. And ironically enough, Jack Daniels distillery is located in a dry county IIRC.
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Old 12-25-2009, 08:09 PM   #11
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Re: Christmas parties

Oh yes. They still exist.


<.<
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If the elephants have past lives yet are destined to always remember
It's no wonder how they scream
Like you and I they must have some temper

And I am dreaming of them on the plains
Dirtying up their beds
Watching for some sign of rain to cool their hot heads

And how dare that you send me that card when I'm doing all that I can do
You are forcing me to remember when all I want is to just forget you

If the tiger shall protect her young then tell me how did you slip by
All my instincts have failed me for once
I must have somehow slept the whole night

And I am dreaming of them with their kill
Tearing it all apart
Blood dripping from their lips and teeth sinking into heart

And how dare that you say you'll call
When you know I need some peace of mind
If you have to take sides with the animals
Won't you do it with one who is kind

And if the hawks in the trees need the dead
If you're living you don't stand a chance
For a time though you share the same bed
There are only two ends to this dance

You can flee with your wounds just in time or lie there as he feeds
Watching yourself ripped to shreds and laughing as you bleed

So for those of you falling in love keep it kind
Keep it good
Keep it right
Throw yourself in the midst of danger but keep one eye open at night

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Old 12-28-2009, 12:03 AM   #12
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Re: Christmas parties

DarkAztek, that is the ONLY thing I think I have EVER enjoyed of yours. Highly comic. Lots of lulz.
You have a story for life, man. "Eat that fucker!" /epic
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Old 12-28-2009, 12:13 AM   #13
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Re: Christmas parties

The only thing I enjoyed of yours was that time when you confessed your undying love to that one red-headed chick during a skype thinger, she shot you down, and you cried.
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Old 12-28-2009, 12:48 AM   #14
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Re: Christmas parties

Follow up note: I got everything repaired / got my shit together... AND when I went back for my keys, I ran into the old people from upstairs again. I did some computer work for them, we rolled an L. They're gunna come fung shui (whatever spelling IDC) my house and roll another L. I have found my hippy grandfatherly figure... My Yoda, if you will.
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Old 12-28-2009, 04:03 AM   #15
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Re: Christmas parties

Quote:
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The only thing I enjoyed of yours was that time when you confessed your undying love to that one red-headed chick during a skype thinger, she shot you down, and you cried.
lolKaylah .
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