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Old 08-22-2012, 11:06 AM   #1111
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Re: Naruto Fan Fiction Thread!!

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Sorry Kiddjutsu, I had been traveling. I went on a trip to France. I will post the new chapter as soon as posible.
Well alright, good deal. Will be looking out for that V.
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Old 08-22-2012, 11:12 AM   #1112
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Lightbulb Re: Naruto Fan Fiction Thread!!

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Originally Posted by Numinous View Post
About backgrounds and abilities, I want the plot itself to elucidate them for you, so just wait for the chapters. About heroes/villains, I decided to not think of the characters like that. I want to present at least two sides that aren't black & white in terms of morality/personality, so things like "good guys vs bad guys" is what I really want to avoid. It's just two sides with opposing viewpoints.
Num - if you had just said FF anything I'd have immediately figured out the scope of the story. Only thing I'm leery of at first thought of that concept is the shear volume we would need as readers to get a complete picture. Because story wise in all FF epics we have a tremendous amount of visuals. Yours though will be in comic/graphic novel form though which creates a different dynamic. But regardless, a FF type of slant is one I'm down for.

J_H - the cartoons in the day hours when I'm off of work those days seems to be stuff you might just wanna record the night before maybe and watch during the day. If you need a suggestion to burn sometime though, I recall you having some pretty epic fanfic you could easily kill some time with.
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Old 08-22-2012, 11:41 AM   #1113
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Re: Naruto Fan Fiction Thread!!

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Originally Posted by KiddJutsu View Post
J_H - the cartoons in the day hours when I'm off of work those days seems to be stuff you might just wanna record the night before maybe and watch during the day. If you need a suggestion to burn sometime though, I recall you having some pretty epic fanfic you could easily kill some time with.
That's really hard to do when I've got to clean, cook, and watch my daughter who is almost two years old. Actually, because of her, I don't get as much cleaning or cooking done. I'm really enjoying this time I have with her.

She's got a bit of road rage and impatience in her. When we're in the car, she's always yelling, "GO, GO, GO, GO". She did that when we were in the line for the cashier at the grocery store the other day as well. Pretty funny and embarrassing at the same time.
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Old 08-22-2012, 01:01 PM   #1114
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Re: Naruto Fan Fiction Thread!!

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That's really hard to do when I've got to clean, cook, and watch my daughter who is almost two years old. Actually, because of her, I don't get as much cleaning or cooking done. I'm really enjoying this time I have with her.

She's got a bit of road rage and impatience in her. When we're in the car, she's always yelling, "GO, GO, GO, GO". She did that when we were in the line for the cashier at the grocery store the other day as well. Pretty funny and embarrassing at the same time.
Gotta love that! Lol
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Old 08-22-2012, 06:45 PM   #1115
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Re: Naruto Fan Fiction Thread!!

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N-360 - I do believe you're up to bat as well sir. Very much looking forward to yours now that Sasuke & Naruto had a sparring battle royale.
Just have to take a break and reboot i just got back from a trip, so my mind is not in that state of mind at the moment. However i Hope i will be refreshed by this weekend so look then for a possible chapter drop...
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Old 08-22-2012, 07:38 PM   #1116
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Re: Naruto Fan Fiction Thread!!

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Just have to take a break and reboot i just got back from a trip, so my mind is not in that state of mind at the moment. However i Hope i will be refreshed by this weekend so look then for a possible chapter drop...
That sounds very reasonable to me sir.
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Old 08-26-2012, 04:01 PM   #1117
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Re: Naruto Fan Fiction Thread!!

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Jericho - this sh*t is killer sir! I love how you evolved the jutsu, created some young Sage protégés for Naruto, have Samurais dominating the scene, have Kakashi finally able to compete chakra wise with a Rinnegan no less (which must be explained hopefully), Hinata looks super tough, there's a Hatake clan now but we gotta see some abilities from them, but the bigger surprise is Sasuke seems more of an equal instead of superior.

So looking forward to that "Trials"
The sage modes are different from Naruto's thy are based a "different " system, you will see.
Kakashi as well as a few others now sport Uzumaki seals given to them by either Naruto or higher ups of the now stronger Uzumaki Clan that resides is Konoha city. They give him enough chakra to not have to worry about his levels during combat EVEN using the RG.

This generation of ninja are very powerful, but they are very gifted and have advantage over the other teams in Konoha city.
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Old 08-26-2012, 07:14 PM   #1118
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Re: Naruto Fan Fiction Thread!!

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The sage modes are different from Naruto's thy are based a "different " system, you will see.
Kakashi as well as a few others now sport Uzumaki seals given to them by either Naruto or higher ups of the now stronger Uzumaki Clan that resides is Konoha city. They give him enough chakra to not have to worry about his levels during combat EVEN using the RG.

This generation of ninja are very powerful, but they are very gifted and have advantage over the other teams in Konoha city.
And that concept is fuckn killer but for whatever reason you never spelled it out that way in the story, the Uzu seal explanation, etc. That makes the Kakashi the badass he was meant to be. When can we expect your next installment? That explanation makes it even more worth the read.
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Old 08-27-2012, 12:58 PM   #1119
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Re: Naruto Fan Fiction Thread!!

The chapter will be up in a couple of hours.
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Old 08-27-2012, 05:43 PM   #1120
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Re: Naruto Fan Fiction Thread!!

Chapter two: Conflict in Heavens.



The scene shows Sasuke and the Creator.

The Creator: That's why...before we end this...you have to help him.*
Sasuke: Are you sure that it won't change anything? I like the world how it is now.
The Creator: In order for the world to develop to this point you have to do this.*
Sasuke: I understand...then...i guess that i have no choice!


The panel it's switched. It shows Livontes and Quintrix dashing.

Livontes: What do you think, Quintrix? What will it be Father's new creation?
Quintrix: I don't know. But i'm certain of one thing...we will have to protect it!
Suddenly a giant dragon lands in front of them.
Livontes jumps back and starts gathering his energy. At the same moment, Quintrix jumps and releases a purple beam and lands a hit on the dragon. The beast remains unscathed * * and shots a stream of fire towards them. Quintrix just landed, and he is in a position where he cannot evade the flames. Instantly Livontes appears in front of him.
Livontes: Angelic shield!
Livontes creates a dense white sphere around them, that protects the duo from the attack.
Quintrix uses the momentum to gather lots of energies in his right hand. He quickly dashes away from the sphere and towards the dragon. As he is getting closer and closed, the energy concentrates around his fist. Quintrix jumps and slams a powerful punch into the dragon's head, throwing the creature several meters away. The dragon remains still.
Livontes: You killed him?
Quintrix: I wish. I don't have that power. Only an Archangel can kill a dragon. I just knocked him out.
Livontes: Good job.
Quintrix: You too...if you didn't have used that shield of yours, i would be dead right now.
Livontes: Well, what are friends for?*
Quintrix: Friends? You already consider us friends?
Livontes: Well, why not?

The scene it's switched. It shows Vishnu and Aphrodite resting. Aphrodite is looking constantly at him.

Vishnu: What is it?
Aphrodite: I cannot belive that you killed five dragons so easily. Why do you hide your power?!? You could easily became in a short time an Archangel with your power!
Vishnu: I have no desire to became an Archangel.*
Aphrodite: Why not?
Vishnu: I do not wish to rule. I have only one wish...to see our Father. And the only way to do that is to became a Seraphim.*
Aphrodite: But it's just a legend.
Vishnu: Lucifer assured me that it's real. The Seventh Seraphim exists. And i will became one.*
Aphrodite: Well...good luck with that.*
Vishnu: What about you?
Aphrodite: What about me?
Vishnu: Tell me more about you.
Aphrodite: Why? You should tell me first more about you. You're the one with the crazy dreams.
Vishnu laughs: I admit that it's a bit crazy...well...about me...my elemental powers are focused around lightnings and wind...i can access the light release...and Lucifer is trying to teach me to do something with my eyes.
Aphrodite: But what i don't understand, it's how can you own such powers...
Vishnu: Well you asked the right question. I don't know either...Lucifer thinks that it has something to do with the...
Suddenly he stops talking and gets very fast up.
Aphrodite: What is it?
Vishnu: Something ain't right...i feel that someone is watching us...that someone is coming for us...this place is not safe! Let's go!
He grabs Aphrodite by her hand and they dash quickly deeper into the forest.
Soon they stop and rest near a tree.
Aphrodite: Can i ask you a question?
Vishnu: Sure.
Aphrodite: It kinda personal.
Vishnu laughs: I don't mind.
Aphrodite: What...what do you think...what do you think of me?
Vishnu remains silent for a moment. Just now he noticed that Aphrodite*has long blonde curly hair, blue eyes and a perfect body and face. She represents the beauty with pride
Vishnu: You're beautiful. And kind. And beautiful.
Aphrodite blushes. The panel shows her as she slowly approaches Vishnu. They are both very close now.
Suddenly a voice is heard.
Livontes: I leave you alone for a couple of hours and you already get the girl!
Vishnu: Livontes.*
Livontes: Well? Did you encountered anything? We fought a dragon and Quintrix managed to knock him out! We barely escaped that bastard!
Vishnu: Are you alone?
Livontes: Yeah, Quintrix went searching for the others.
Vishnu: I fought five.
Livontes: Five what?*
Vishnu: Dragons.*
Livontes: And?
Vishnu: Dead. I killed them all.
Livontes looks at Vishnu, then he looks at Aphrodite and then he spots Vishnu's uncovered hand.
Livontes: Stupid idiot! Put the seal back this moment! Before the *others sense your power levels! Dammit! You must be really in love with this girl if you took the seal off to save her!
Vishnu: Shut up Livontes! *Anyway, why are you here?!?
Livontes: Yama called us. It's time to leave. It seems that the Creator is content with our work here. Of course that Yama eliminated most of the threats. And it's time.
Vishnu: What do you mean?
Livontes: It seems that the new Creation will rise.
Aphrodite: The new creation?!?
Livontes: Yeah...let's go!
They leave the forest, but just as they were about to depart Vishnu senses again the same malicious presence as he did before. But he doesn't turn around and he walks away.
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Old 08-27-2012, 05:44 PM   #1121
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Re: Naruto Fan Fiction Thread!!

The scene it's switched. It shows all the angels lined up in Heavens. The Father's voice is heard.

The Creator: My angels! It's time! The Creation will rise! And i shall name it: Human! Grow and Live!
They all watch, how from bacterias, a human being evolves. A single man appears in front of them. Tall, with black hair and brown eyes.
The man looks confused at the scene. The angels are even more confused. The human being looks just like them.
The Creator: You shall be named Adam!
Suddenly near Adam another human being appears. This time, a woman. With blonde hair and blue eyes.
The Creator: And you shall be named Eve!*

The panel it's switched. It shows Adam and Eve. They are residing in Heaven's garden. Suddenly Lucifer appears next to them.

Lucifer: Hello Adam, Eve...
Adam: Archangel Lucifer!*
Lucifer: I'm here to tell you something...
Eve: What happend?
Lucifer with determined eyes: Why don't you taste the forbidden fruit?

The scene shows a gathering of angels. In the centre are Adam and Eve.

God's voice is heard.
The Creator: You have disappointed me! You should not have tasted the apple!*
Adam: Eve made me do it!
Eve: It was that snake! It was L...
The Creator: Silence! It's your fault! You will be both banished from Heaven! You will go on Earth! And you will work the earth in order to survive! This is my punishment!

The panel it's switched. It shows the Heavens. Several angels are talking.

Angel 1 : The rumors are that Lucifer corrupted Adam and Eve!
Angel 2 : I don't think so. He is an Archangel afterall!
Vishnu heard the conversation. He is shows standing hidden. His face is sad.

The scene shows Livontes, Quintrix and Vishnu.

Quintrix: What do you think brothers? We should go and take the Earth for ourselves!
Livontes: Sounds tempting...but i don't think that Father will agree with our plan.
Quintrix: He has to agree!*
Vishnu: I don't support this idea of yours Quintrix. I'm sorry.
Suddenly Michael lands near them.
Michael: Quintrix, Livontes, get lost! I want to have a chat with Vishnu!
Livontes: I'm his friend. I will not go anywhere.
Quintrix: Me neither.
Michael sis: Fine then. You will both witness this afterall.
Instantly Michael hits Vishnu in the chest and throws him several meters away.
Livontes shouts: What are you doing?!?
Michael: What i have to do.
Quintrix remains silent.
Vishnu gets up and looks at Michael.
Vishnu: I don't understand. What it's happening?
Michael remains silent and he only points his hand at Vishnu. Immediatly four pillars of light impales the boy in the extremities, capturing him. As Michael starts walking towards Vishnu, Livontes lands in front of him, protecting his friend.
Livontes: I don't give a shit if you're an Archangel! Nobody starts a fight with my friend without a good reason!
Livontes makes a complicated handsign and releases from his palm a dark, dense beam. Michael simply deflects it with his bare hand.
Michael: I have a reason. Stand aside or i will make you suffer, Livontes.
Livontes: I don't think so!*
He charges at Michael, but the Archangel simply delivers a powerful punch, throwing Livontes several meters away. The boy tries to get up, but Quintrix appears and stops him.
Quintrix: Wait. Michael has a reason for this!
Livontes: Reason? What reason?!?
Quintrix: A meeting will be called shortly. You will learn there why he is doing this.
Livontes shocked: You...you know about this?!?
Quintrix: Yes. I do.*
Vishnu: What have i done, brother?
Michael lands in front of Vishnu and slaps him.
Michael: Don't you dare to call me brother ever again. Got it?
In the next instant he punches Vishnu so hard that he renders him uncouncious.

The scene shows Vishnu. He is in a cage made of light, floating above the Heaven. Under him, all the angels are gathered. Michael comes in the middle. Behind him are Gabriel, Raphael and Lucifer.

Michael: The Archangels have searched the truth about what happend with Adam and Eve. Who corrupted them.*
Gabriel: After questioning several angels...
Raphael: And analyzing the facts...
Lucifer looks directly at Vishnu. His expression is sad.
Lucifer: We have reached the conclusion that Vishnu has corrupted the human pair to eat the forbidden fruit. His actions determined the fall of the men from the Heavens. He is responsible for this crime of treason! As his former teacher i will execute him myself in three days from now!
Livontes: Treason!?! But...how?!? Why?!?
Quintrix: The ones that represent a menace will fall first. He hated the human race probably. I think that he felt, that our Father will neglect us, now that he has a new toy. And he decided to take the matter into his own hands.*
Livontes angry: I don't buy this! I will stop the execution!*

The scene shows Vishnu in a dark room. He is still held in his cage. Suddenly Lucifer appears next to him.

Vishnu: Master! It wasn't me! I would never do such a thing!
Lucifer: I know. I know that you aren't responsible.
Vishnu: Then why did you convicted me? Why did you not stand for me?
Lucifer: I was the one that accused you in the first place. I even fabricated evidence that are traced back to you.
Vishnu confused: I don't understand...
Lucifer: You're so naive...i was the one that corrupted the humans! I did it! With my own hands! But someone had to take the fall for it. And surely it wasn't me! I hate Father's new creation! I will wipe them out!
Vishnu shouts: I will not let you!
Lucifer: My dear boy...in three days i will eliminate you.*
Vishnu: And i thought that you were so kind! That you were a true friend!
Lucifer turns around and leaves.
The panel shows Lucifer's face as tears are rolling down from his eyes.
Lucifer to himself: I will always be your friend fool!
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Old 08-27-2012, 05:45 PM   #1122
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Re: Naruto Fan Fiction Thread!!

The scene it's switched. It shows Vishnu chained and brought in the middle of angels. Next to him is Lucifer. The Archangel wields a light sword. Every angel is there. Aphrodite is seen crying. But Livontes is absent.

Michael: Any last words, traitor?
Vishnu: The truth will prevail. I am not the one who commited treason. But my master. He revealed this to me. I'm just the one that takes the fall.*
Michael: Lies! Even now, when you are about to die you are lying!
Vishnu: I'm not afraid of death Michael. Because i'm honest.*
Suddenly in the middle of the group Livontes lands. He tries to free Vishnu but almost instantly Michael pierces his shoulder with a light sword.*
Michael: Trying to save you friend, eh? You're lucky that i didn't behead you dog!
Livontes is kept on the ground by Michael's sword.
Livontes: Vishnu...i'm sorry...
Vishnu smiles: Don't worry my friend. As i said the truth will prevail.
Unknown voice: Indeed. You have spoken the truth Vishnu. The truth will finally prevail. Trust me. I know better.
Everyone turns around and looks at the man that just landed before them. He is quite tall, with dark hair and eyes. He wears a black costume and has a sword at his back. But the most striking thing about him are his eyes. Filled with anger and determination.
Michael: Who are you?!?
Unknown man: My name is not important. What's important it's that you are trying to frame Vishnu. And he is a dear friend of mine. I will not allow you to kill him.
Vishnu thinking: A dear friend?!? I don't even know this guy!
Unknown man: Now, Archangels...shall we?
Instantly Raphael appears in front of the man and tries to slash him with a light sword. The newcomer simply blocks the blade with his bare hand. He smiles.
Unknown: Light release cannot hurt me, Raphael.*
The man charges electrical surges in his right hand and hits the Archangel right in the chest throwing him away. Michael looks shocked at the scene.
Michael: Who are you?!?
Unknown: I told you that names aren't important right now. You will know me soon enough.
Instantly the man appears next to Vishnu's cage. He takes out his sword and simply takes out the cage holding him. Vishnu falls to the ground and looks at the newcomer. The man simply lands near him and goes back to back with the angel.*
Vishnu: Who are you?
Unknown: I will tell you after i save your ass.
Vishnu: I don't need to be saved! I'm innocent!
Unknown: Tell that to Michael!
Suddenly the air gets thicker as Michael starts gathering his energies.
Vishnu: Shit! Michael is preparing to kill us!
The man smiles as he waites for Michael's assault. Vishnu slowly starts taking off his cloth from the right hand, preparing to unseal his powers. But the man catches his hand.
Unknown: Not now idiot. Do not release your power with so many people around us. Let me deal with them!
Vishnu: But Michael...!?!
Unknown: Don't worry...i can take out all the Archangels. But i won't do it. I will just assure our escape.
Michael: I don't know who you are...i don't even care...but i will kill you!
Instantly Michael appears right in front of the young man, wielding a powerful light blade and aiming it at the man's throat. The young man simply smiles and stops Michael's blade with his own. In the next second, Michael receives from the left side a powerful kick that throws him away. The man uses the momentum and grabs Vishnu. In an instant they both vanished in a burst of black flames!

The panel shows the Earth. Somewhere in the woods there is a burst of black flames. Two people emerge from it. Vishnu and the young man.

The man lands on his feet but Vishnu falls on the ground. He quickly gets up and looks at the young man.
Vishnu: Who are you? What's the meaning of this?!? Why did you saved me!?! Where are we?!?
Young man: One question at a time. We are on Earth.
Vishnu shocked: On Earth!?! But Why?
Young man: Because this is the only place where i can hide you from the angels for a couple of days.
Vishnu: Why i was accused?
Young man: Because you were Lucifer's student. That's why.*
Vishnu: That's not a reasonable explanation.
Young man: This is the only one that you will receive for now.
Vishnu slowly walks away from the man and slowly starts taking off his cloth. The young man is standing with his back at Vishnu.
Vishnu: And why did you saved me?
Young man: Because i need you. I think that you are aware of the prophecy that was made centuries ago by the old man.
Vishnu: Old man?
Young man: The Creator.
Vishnu scandalized: You call Father, old man?!?!
Young man: Yeah i do. Anyway, are you aware of the prophecy? That one of you, one of the angels will decide the fate of the world?
Vishnu: I'm aware.
Young man: Well, you will be that man. You will lead the humanity in a new era.
Vishnu laughs: Humanity? Currently there are only two people living. I will lead two people?
Young man: No. Around six billions.*
Vishnu shocked: Six billions of people?!?
Young man: Exactly.*
Vishnu: But how do you know all of this stuff?!? Clearly you're not an Angel!*
Vishnu managed to release the cloth on his hand and he prepares to strike the unknown man. Instantly he appears next to him and just when he was about to give a clear shot, the young man turns and catches the angel's hand.
Young man: You still don't trust me. Don't worry. I will not hurt you. As a matter of fact the old man sent me here.*
Vishnu: But why?
Young man: To save your ass that's why. The events in the future cannot take place if i would not have comed here.
Vishnu suddenly gets serious.
Vishnu: You seem to know everything about me.*
Young man: It's natural. We know eachother for at least 2000 years.
Vishnu: What are you?
Young man: Just a mere human being.
Vishnu: No...it's more...Death lingers around you,
Young man smiles: You're right. My name is Kazer. And i am much more powerful than any of your angels.

The end.

Next chapter: The Archangel order.
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Old 08-27-2012, 06:42 PM   #1123
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Re: Naruto Fan Fiction Thread!!

Vish, it's prequel perfect. Even injecting a new character to the scene. Your title remains intact my friend. Still waiting on a new Naruto fanfic but this here is too entertaining to really be overly concerned about that. I would ask a few questions but you'll just tell me they're the right ones and refuse to answer them lol. So all I got is when can we expect more sir??
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Old 08-28-2012, 12:03 AM   #1124
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Re: Naruto Fan Fiction Thread!!

This time much, much faster. Because i had to went through the trilogy and read it very carefully in order to see what characters have leaked about their past. I'm human, i cannot remember every detail that i wrote. But now i have the foundation. I already started the next chapter.
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Old 08-28-2012, 06:25 AM   #1125
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Re: Naruto Fan Fiction Thread!!

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Originally Posted by KiddJutsu View Post
Vish, it's prequel perfect. Even injecting a new character to the scene. Your title remains intact my friend. Still waiting on a new Naruto fanfic but this here is too entertaining to really be overly concerned about that. I would ask a few questions but you'll just tell me they're the right ones and refuse to answer them lol. So all I got is when can we expect more sir??
Oh and...ask those questions. Usually i give some little hints in my answers.
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