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Old 09-09-2012, 04:21 PM   #1171
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Re: Naruto Fan Fiction Thread!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by KiddJutsu View Post
Of course it was Sasuke. Loo I called that sometime ago. My question is though if Yama isn't yet the Death God how can he use Death techs? Killer action sequences Vish, but it's expected frankly at this point.
Death techs are not what being the God of Death means. This prequel will reveal the role that Sasuke has to fulfill as the God of Death. Anyway, i rushed this one a bit, because the next chapter it's one of the chapters that i wanted to write for a long time, actually since i introduced Faust and Dante. It's going to be one of those chapters were i put in everything i have. It will be up as soon as possible, because i already started working on it.
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Old 09-09-2012, 05:20 PM   #1172
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Re: Naruto Fan Fiction Thread!!

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Death techs are not what being the God of Death means. This prequel will reveal the role that Sasuke has to fulfill as the God of Death. Anyway, i rushed this one a bit, because the next chapter it's one of the chapters that i wanted to write for a long time, actually since i introduced Faust and Dante. It's going to be one of those chapters were i put in everything i have. It will be up as soon as possible, because i already started working on it.
Well get that damn thing out here man. You know we're amped for it Vish.
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Old 09-09-2012, 06:04 PM   #1173
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Re: Naruto Fan Fiction Thread!!

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Originally Posted by UzumakiUchiha View Post
Jekyl that was good man. It's been long to feel your fights and stories again. Just wanted to ask you, I forgot what happened to tobi in your story, am guessing he died somehow. Anyways looks like you killed of kakashi, was hoping him to somehow advance his kamui to tobis level.

Another question regarding this; we have, izanagi, izanami, susano, tsuyomi etc. But is there anyone called kamui or does he even exist? and is it possible for you to make him appear in your story some how?
I had Tobi being Kagami, who was Madara's nephew (son of Izuna). Tobi died in the 4th Shinobi war in my story.

Kamui, as far as I know, is a general term for a god in Shintoism. And to answer the second part of the question, I'm not going to introduce any new characters.

As I stated earlier, knowing that Naruto should be wrapping up sooner than expected, I'm shortening my story. I want to finish this before or around the same time Naruto ends. I originally had another 50+ chapters, but since the discovery of the aforementioned news, along with my disdain of what Naruto has become, I'm wrapping this up sooner than expected.

I'm really excited about my new project, and I'll do my best to make sure that you guys are able to read it somehow, just not sure how I'm going to do that yet.

@Vishnu
That's how you... (how do I put this) pull the obvious twist on a person's identity.

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Old 09-09-2012, 06:39 PM   #1174
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Re: Naruto Fan Fiction Thread!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by jekyl_hyde View Post
I had Tobi being Kagami, who was Madara's nephew (son of Izuna). Tobi died in the 4th Shinobi war in my story.

Kamui, as far as I know, is a general term for a god in Shintoism. And to answer the second part of the question, I'm not going to introduce any new characters.

As I stated earlier, knowing that Naruto should be wrapping up sooner than expected, I'm shortening my story. I want to finish this before or around the same time Naruto ends. I originally had another 50+ chapters, but since the discovery of the aforementioned news, along with my disdain of what Naruto has become, I'm wrapping this up sooner than expected.

I'm really excited about my new project, and I'll do my best to make sure that you guys are able to read it somehow, just not sure how I'm going to do that yet.

@Vishnu
That's how you... (how do I put this) pull the obvious twist on a person's identity.
As usually, with me the first 6-7 chapters are at some degree predictable. Trust me...nobody sees what's coming.
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Old 09-12-2012, 08:03 AM   #1175
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Re: Naruto Fan Fiction Thread!!

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Originally Posted by Vishnu View Post
As usually, with me the first 6-7 chapters are at some degree predictable. Trust me...nobody sees what's coming.
Well I'm doing pretty well thus far anticipating elements of the broader story. So what's up, the story should be in this space here now sir.
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Old 09-12-2012, 09:20 AM   #1176
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Re: Naruto Fan Fiction Thread!!

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Originally Posted by KiddJutsu View Post
Well I'm doing pretty well thus far anticipating elements of the broader story. So what's up, the story should be in this space here now sir.
In a couple of hours.
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Old 09-12-2012, 01:13 PM   #1177
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Re: Naruto Fan Fiction Thread!!

Chapter six: Sasuke's crime.


The panel shows the little cottage where Adam and Eve are living. Behind it, lies a giant garden, where a man in his 50's is working the earth. Next to him another man stays. A young man, around the age of 20 with blonde hair.

Adam: It's not true, Abel. Your brother doesn't hate you. Why would he hate you?
Abel: I don't know father. That's why i am asking you.*
Adam: Quit having such thoughts my son. You two are brothers...watched by the angels of Heavens and by God himself. You should not bring strife into our family, or God will punish us.
Suddenly a voice is heard.
Unknown man: God will punish us? God punished us already, father.
Adam turns around and look at the young man that just appeared behind them. He is also in his 20's and he has also blonde hair.
Adam: God punished us, Cain because we have made a mistake. We commited a sin.
Cain: God should have punished only Lucifer. Not you! Not me! Not mother!*
Adam: I'm pretty sure that Lucifer received his punishment. You should be careful about what you talk son.
Cain: And why is that? I'm supposed to live my life in fear? I don't care about Heavens, God or angels. They mean nothing to me.*
Adam: You will realise some day that they mean much more than you can imagine.
Cain turns around and leaves the place, leaving Adam with a sad expression on his face.

The scene it's switched. It shows the inside of the cottage. At a wooden table, Adam is sitting with his sons. Eve is shown preparing the meal.*

Eve: Tonight...we have vegetables.*
Cain: Vegetables again, mother?
Eve: It's what your brother and father worked all day. They just took them out of the soil.
Cain: Why don't we chop off a lamb?
Adam: Son, once a month we do it because it's a sacrifice for God. Otherwise, it's a sin to take an innocent life.
Cain is shown with an angered face. Inside him the fire starts rising.
Abel smiles : Besides brother...mother worked very hard to have these cooked for us.
Cain throws Abel a strange look. Then, he stands up and leaves the table.
Adam shouts after him: Cain! Cain! Cain get back here!!!
Eve: He left...
Abel: I will go get him!!!
Abel wants to leave but Adam places his hand on his sons's shoulder.
Adam: No, Abel. I will go talk with Cain. You stay here.
Eve looks with concerned eyes at Adam as he leaves the house, searching for his son.
Soon Adam finds Cain. He is sitting on the grass and looking at the moon. Adam joins him.
Adam: What happend Cain? Talk with me. I'm your father. I can help you...
Cain: You cannot help me father.*
Adam: Tell me son. I'm worried about you.
Cain: You should be worried about your God, father. That's all you care about. And that fool, my brother, he follows you blindly.
Adam: My God? He is not also your God?
Cain suddenly stands up and looks at Adam.
Cain: No. He is not my God.
Adam stands up and confronts his son.
Adam: Then what do you belive in, Cain?!?
Cain with disgust: I belive in nothing. I belive in myself. You and Abel...you are weak people. You'd rather be at the mercy of God than control your own lives!
Adam remains blocked for a moment and then he slaps his son on the cheek. Cain is shocked by his father's slap and looks at him with his eyes wide opened.
Adam: From this point...until you prove yourself worthy again...i will not call you my son again!

The panel shows the house again. Several days have passed since Adam slaped Cain. Now, the young man is with Eve inside the cottage.

Eve: My son...your father told me something that i don't want to belive...
Cain: What? He told you about my lack of faith?
Eve: Exactly. Why don't you belive in God my son?
Cain: Don't take it the wrong way...i know that he exists. But i'm not so sure about his almighty power.
Eve: My son, you never saw the Heaven. Trust me, if you'd have been there, your opinion would be entirely different.
Cain: And who's fault is that i never saw the Heaven?
Eve: It's our fault. But, you must live your life accordingly to God's wish. That way maybe you will be received in Heaven and our sin will be forgiven.
Cain: Like Abel does?
Eve: Precisely. Just like Abel is doing.
Cain: No thanks. I'm pretty sure that i will never get to see the Heavens.
Eve: My son...don't talk like that...maybe some day God will forgive us and you and your brother will be able to leave the Earth and go reside in the Garden of Heaven.
Cain: You don't understand something mother. First of all: i despise my brother and his ignorance. Second of all, i do not wish to leave the Earth!
Eve: You despise your brother?!?
Cain: Actually mother...i despise you for giving birth to such a fool!*
Eve: He is your brother!!!
Cain: Hmpf...well mother...
Cain approaches her and places his hands on her waist, while their faces are very close.
Cain whispers in her ear: Maybe i should make myself a new brother...
The next instant Eve makes a step back and slaps Cain.*
Eve shocked: Stay away from me! Get out! You're not my son!!!

The scene it's switched. It shows Cain and Abel working the soil. Abel suddenly gets up and looks at his brother.

Abel: Cain...what is wrong with you? Why do you hate me? I can sense it. You're filled with rage. And it's directed towards me.
Cain: It's not rage, Abel. It's something else. It's hatred.
Abel: Hatred?!? I don't understand...
Cain: Let me explain you. What do you know about our parents? About their sin?
Abel: Well, they told me that the Archangel Lucifer corrupted them. They eat the Apple of Eden. God was mad, because they disobeid his command. Thus, they got banished from Heaven and senteced to live here on Earth.
Cain: Exactly. So Earth it's a prison. For our parents. It's a punishment.
Abel: You can interpret it that you, yeah.
Cain: Athen...why should we stay in this prison? Why were we denied the Heaven? Why? Why are we punished brother?
Abel: God must have a reason.
Cain suddenly enraged: This is it! You stupid fool! You ignorant! God must have a reason? What kind of answers it is?!?
Abel calmly: The only one that i have.
Cain: Fool...you think that your life here on Earth it's perfect. You thinkthat it's all great! Well, it's not! Not for me! And the problem is that father and mother are sharing your flawed opinion!!! Sometimes...sometimes i wish you were all strangers to me! That you were all dead!!!
Abel doesn't hesitate and slaps his brother. His face is filled with shock and anger.
Abel: Don't you...don't you ever talk like that again! Got it?
Cain furiously goes towards him with his hand raised, prepared to land a punch. But he stops in mid air. His face is scared.
Cain thinking: What am i doing?!? I was going to hit my brother! Stop! Stop!!!
Abel looks at his brother surprised. But suddenly a shadow lands exactly behind him. Abel notices how Cain's eyes are opened in fear. Cain notices how slowly blood starts coming out of his brother's mouth. Abel barely moves and looks behind him. Two red eyes with a Spiralling pattern it's all that he can see. The panel shows Abel's full body. His chest was impaled with a sword. A sword that pierced his heart. A sword that ended his life. A sword that sealed his fate.
Cain looks shocked as his brother falls on his knees. Abel looks at the Sun one last time before he closes his eyes. The next moment he falls down. Dead. Forever lost.
Cain stares at the unknown man that just assassinated his brother.
Sasuke: Hello Cain.*
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Old 09-12-2012, 01:15 PM   #1178
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Re: Naruto Fan Fiction Thread!!

-Flashback-

Sasuke is shown dashing through a forest until he reaches a cave. He enters the cave where he finds a blonde man waiting for him.

Lucifer: And you are? Because i know that your real name is not Kazer.
Sasuke: My name is Uchiha. Sasuke Uchiha. Hello Lucifer.
Lucifer: You're human...at least at your roots.
Sasuke smiles: Well said. I am the God of Death.
Lucifer: Impressive. And you're here to take me?
Sasuke: Not quite. I'm here to have a chat with you.*
Lucifer: Then tell me. Ayway, i kind of figured it out already.
Sasuke: Then surprise me.
Lucifer: You are a human, and yet there are only four humans made in the world. You call yourself the God of Death and you have knowledge about Heavens and us, the angels. Thus i deduced that you are coming from future. Also, by saving Vishnu i deduced that he is part of an important plan in the future. And if the God of Death came personally to save him, it means that the boy will actually manage to became the Seventh Seraphim. Also, now, if you're here to talk with me, it means that i survived until your timeline. And so, it means that you want to tell me something. Something that i have to do in order to ensure that the future will happen as planned.
Sasuke: Impressive. An accurate observation.
Lucifer: I'm wrong if i say that probably Father sent you?
Sasuke smiles: No you are not.
Lucifer: Good. Because he told me to corrupt Adam and Eve. He told me that the world needs an enemy, and i am fit for the position. That i'm the best Archangel to do it. He told me that during my life, the world will despise me. But after my death i will be a hero. Tell me...Uchiha Sasuke...i am a hero?*
Sasuke: Yes Lucifer. You are. Actually, if it wasn't for you...i wouldn't became the God of Death. I would be dead...killed by Yama Dharma.
Lucifer: I see. And...what are doing here, Sasuke? On Earth? In this timeline?
Sasuke: Well, i'm here to make sure that the future will be the right one. I am here to take some decisions that others were not able to take. I am here to ensure the survival of the human kind. And i am here to kill a man.
Lucifer: I see. So...what do you want me to do?
Sasuke smiles: Let me tell you a story. A story that you will tell me in the future. A story that will allow me to became the new God of Death!

-end of flashback-

The scene shows Sasuke looking at Cain. His brother, is lying on the ground. Dead.

Cain shouts: What have you done?!?!
Sasuke smiles: I killed your brother.
Cain cries: Why??!
Sasuke: Because he was in your way. From now on, you are on the right path...Cain.*
Cain: On my right path...!?!
Sasuke smiles: Exactly. You are the first murderer in the history. You killed your brother.
Cain screams: But you killed him bastard!!!
Sasuke's Spiralling Eternal Mangekyou Sharingan starts spinning as Cain is looking exactly in the Uchiha's eyes.
Sasuke as he takes out a small knife and smiles: Did I?

The scene shows Adam. He heard his son screaming near the field. He in running towards the place. As he arrives he watches a horrible scene. Abel is on the ground. With blood around him. And a knife impaled in his back. Cain is on his knees right next to him holding his head. His hands are stained with blood.

Adam shocked: Cain...what have you done!?!
Cain looks at his father. The look in his eyes changed. His expression reflects insanity.*
Cain starts laughing maniacally and shouts: I killed him! That's what i did! I took his life! He is dead father! Your son is dead!!!

The panel it's showing the Heavens. Everyone is in turmoil. The scene it's focused on the Archangel's council room. At a table ere are Michael, Raphael, Brahma, Shiva, Gabriel, Vishnu and Kubera.

Kubera shouts: This is unacceptable!!! Cain killed his brother!
Michael: We must take action right away.
Raphael: And what should we do Michael? Kill Cain?
Vishnu: That's no solution. We must talk with Father.
Suddenly the Creator's voice fills the room.
The Creator: My sons. Cain has done an atrocity beyond imagination. He will be punished. By me.*
Kubera: How do you intend to punish him, Father?
The Creator: Bring him here. He will receive my sentence here.
Kubera: Got it. Vishnu, Gabriel! Go to Earth and bring Cain here! Fast!
Vishnu and Gabriel stands up.
Both: Aye, Head Archangel!

The scene shows Vishnu and Gabriel appearing near Adam and Eve's cottage. They are entering the house where they find the two humans crying over their dead son body.

Vishnu: Adam...Eve...i'm sorry...
Eve looks at Vishnu. Her eyes are red because of how much she cried.*
Eve: Vishnu...are you here for Cain?
Vishnu: I'm afraid so.
Eve: It's alright...but what is going to happen with him? Are you here to kill him?
Gabriel: No, Eve. Nothing like that. Father wants to see him...we were sent here to bring him to Heavens.
Adam: Then...at least he won't die. He is still my son...
Vishnu: I don't know what Father will decide for him.
Gabriel: Tell us...where is he?
Adam: In the woods. He...is not normal...anymore...
Vishnu: Got it.*

The two Archangels leave the house and go towards the woods. Soon the find Cain. He is sitting with his back on a tree. When he sees them he smiles.

Cain: Well, well...two Archangels came for me.*
Vishnu: What have you done, monster?!?
Cain: I killed Abel. That's what i've done.
Gabriel suddenly appears right behind him and knocks him uncouncious.
Gabriel: Enough. Let's go Vishnu.

The panel shows the Heavens. Cain is brought in the middle of the Council room. God's voice is heard.

The Creator: You have sinned Cain. You have killed your own brother. With your two hands.*
Cain: That's because you never allowed us to enter Heaven!
The Creator: You will not judge me. But i will. You are doomed to live forever. But you will not know happiness until i forgive you! You will live forever on Earth, and you will be miserable! You will be denied the entrance in Heavens!!!

The scene shows Vishnu walking with Gabriel.

Gabriel: I still can't belive what happend.
Vishnu: Me neither. But you know what's strange?
Gabriel: What?
Vishnu: That, our Father...just in the day when happend the crime...forbid us to watch the Earth. We could not see the actual moment of killing.
Gabriel: Are you doubting his guilt? He killed his own brother, Vishnu. He admit it.
Vishnu: I know that. But i was just asking why our Father denied us the opportunity to witness this.
Gabriel: Maybe he knew what was going to happen. And probably he had a reason to restrict us. That's how i see.
Vishnu: Yeah...probably...

The panel shows Sasuke. He is walking in a forest. Suddenly he gets on his knees and places his right hand on the ground. Instantly a white light hits him and he vanishes. The next scene shows him in a white room, suspended in the air.

Sasuke: Old man...
The Creator appears next to him in his elderly look.
The Creator: Death.
Sasuke: I killed Abel. Thank you for not allowing the angels to see this.
The Creator: It hurts me to see them kill eachtoher...but...
Sasuke: It's necessary. Trust me. Centuries after this moment, Cain will became Faust. And he will be one of the major forces in our war. All because of this single moment.
The Creator: I know.*
Sasuke: Now...until we meet again...
The Creator: Indeed. The next time that we will meet, will be when Raiden will be born. In the year 0.*I shall prepare my son to walk on Ear until the moment comes.
Sasuke: Exactly. Goodbye old man.
The Creator: Goodbye, Death.

The end.
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Old 09-12-2012, 04:15 PM   #1179
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Re: Naruto Fan Fiction Thread!!

Come on guys, I want to hear from you.
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Old 09-12-2012, 04:21 PM   #1180
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Re: Naruto Fan Fiction Thread!!

Loved it. It was a twist I didn't expect.
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Old 09-12-2012, 04:57 PM   #1181
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Re: Naruto Fan Fiction Thread!!

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Loved it. It was a twist I didn't expect.
I thought it might happen since that twist with Morningstar. But it was only a guess Anyway, I can't be helped... love to kill time again and again by reading such stuff.
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Old 09-12-2012, 06:49 PM   #1182
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Re: Naruto Fan Fiction Thread!!

Vishnu, excellent writing as always. It was a great read but for whatever reason I was anticipating for fighting. But what this was though was a great look at the proceeding events. I'll restrain myself from questions on the assassination by Sasuke only so you can reveal it within the next chap or two. Your action sequences are so worthy of a read that it's kinda like for me coming Dark Knight 1 & 2. I'm so enamored with the first I compare it to the second which isn't fair because it's great in its own right, just like this.

And this is what always gets me with prequels, except the unbridled action. Action doesn't matter when it comes as long as its epic. I'll also comment that your are making The Maker much more talkative and scheming in this go-round. When do we get more Vishnu/Arch Angel/Death God action sir?

But again, still crazy good bro....
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Old 09-12-2012, 06:50 PM   #1183
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Re: Naruto Fan Fiction Thread!!

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Loved it. It was a twist I didn't expect.
I disagree. Once Sasuke saved Vishnu it was already the precursor to today's twists.
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Old 09-12-2012, 09:25 PM   #1184
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Re: Naruto Fan Fiction Thread!!

Vishnu...
Please tell me that you're not going to have a Rikudo/Naruto correlation to Jesus... Please, just confirm that for me... I'm begging you.


On a side note, I'm going to be wrapping up my fanfic within a handful of chapters. Just depends on if I make the chapters shorter, or have two long, drawn out chapters.
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Old 09-13-2012, 12:50 AM   #1185
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Re: Naruto Fan Fiction Thread!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by jekyl_hyde View Post
Vishnu...
Please tell me that you're not going to have a Rikudo/Naruto correlation to Jesus... Please, just confirm that for me... I'm begging you.


On a side note, I'm going to be wrapping up my fanfic within a handful of chapters. Just depends on if I make the chapters shorter, or have two long, drawn out chapters.
Just get that bad boy on this thread J_H. That's all you gotta do sir.
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