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Old 10-28-2012, 02:33 PM   #1261
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Re: Naruto Fan Fiction Thread!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Vishnu View Post
PM me, so we would not use the thread as a "hello" thread.
I agree completely.
Ok Vish, lets discuss these last two chaps. Let me first say that this is like Bleach to me with some elemental powers working off your Naruto fanfic scenery. First, Arinasa is definitely Orihime (spelling) like with her soul shield abilities. The sword play is there, the God classes ala Soul Society, but with historical figures playing roles and immortality like The Highlander back in the 90s. So conceptually I'm all in.

My basic criticism is that we aren't as detailed on abilities. You paint excellent pictures of the elegance of the scenery but not nearly as in-depth on skills and abilities. And unlike the fanfic you've gone very lite on the action. We read simultaneous fight scenes with the higher level ranking Gods like Yama and Vishnu but we know jack on their secret powers except the Madara-esq meteor. So I'm all-in loving the theme but pull from your fanfic on the action scene writing. Besides that, can't freakn wait for more man.
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Old 10-28-2012, 02:56 PM   #1262
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Re: Naruto Fan Fiction Thread!!

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Originally Posted by KiddJutsu View Post
I agree completely.
Ok Vish, lets discuss these last two chaps. Let me first say that this is like Bleach to me with some elemental powers working off your Naruto fanfic scenery. First, Arinasa is definitely Orihime (spelling) like with her soul shield abilities. The sword play is there, the God classes ala Soul Society, but with historical figures playing roles and immortality like The Highlander back in the 90s. So conceptually I'm all in.

My basic criticism is that we aren't as detailed on abilities. You paint excellent pictures of the elegance of the scenery but not nearly as in-depth on skills and abilities. And unlike the fanfic you've gone very lite on the action. We read simultaneous fight scenes with the higher level ranking Gods like Yama and Vishnu but we know jack on their secret powers except the Madara-esq meteor. So I'm all-in loving the theme but pull from your fanfic on the action scene writing. Besides that, can't freakn wait for more man.

I was waiting for your opinion Kidd. I value it the most ( without any offense intended to the rest of the people that read my stuff ).

Now, let's start with Arinasa. The ability that she used, was a basic one. Simmilar to what a Transformation jutsu would be for a ninja. But, soon i will present how certain abilities are availabe only to certain people. I don't intend to make her Orihime-like or wannabe. You will see.

Now, on the abilities of other characters like Claude/Vishnu or Yama. Those abilities will be gradually revealed. The next chapter will show more of Vishnu and Robert. Also, during Arinasa and Max's training several other aspects will be revealed. I want to gradually show what a character can do, not throw everything in from the beggining. Also, for example the battle in Paris between Yama and Vishnu. I off paneled that one, because for now i want to create a mistery scenery. Like, nobody knows what they can really do. Anyway, the next chapter will bring on the table a real battle. You should be able to compare it then with my previous three chapters. Right now, they are just starting.

I like to relate to the elemental powers and abilities, because they are the best ones for a fanfic in my opinion, and i think that you agree.

Finally thank you for the kind words and for your criticism. Because i really appreciate it. I'm really looking forward for your opinion on the next chapter when i will post it.
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Old 10-28-2012, 08:23 PM   #1263
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Re: Naruto Fan Fiction Thread!!

Vish, it's not a problem. I appreciate a good character read and yours easily has had the most depth consistently. I feel that if I ask the right questions or give observant critical assessments that its a bigger help to you that way because you get more focused and get ideas. I've said since I came to this forum that my talent is more ideas since my writing is t even worth a footnote. You really develop characters extremely well and I even the hell out of it. So since I like reading it so much my part in this is to help you put out your best concepts.

As for what we have in store for the action, at any point you get off track on the action just lean on your previous fanfic stuff, which is still the damn standard in my mind. But I'm liking coming from a new fresh story concept with tidbits of other manga stories.
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Old 10-30-2012, 03:06 PM   #1264
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Re: Naruto Fan Fiction Thread!!

The latest chapter is up guys. Enjoy and i wait for your opinions as usually.

Chapter three: Beyonders.*


The scene shows Robert's castle in Vienna. Inside a giant, imperial room, it's a council table. The panel shows Leonardo, Houdini, Max, Arinasa, Darwin, Robert and Claude, sitting at the table.

Robert: I contacted Isaac and Amadeus. They are coming here too.*
Darwin: So...we need to talk about what are we going to do next.
Houdini: Let's evaluate the situation. First of all, while we were in Paris, Henry goes missing. He wasn't seen after that. Two days after Henry vanishes, Claude, Arinasa and Max encounter Arthur and Asclose. Claude defeats Arthur, leaves Max here in Vienna, and he comes to Paris with Max. Leonardo makes contact with Claude. At the same night when Claude arrived to Paris, so did Grigori Rasputin and Sigmund Freud. *The next day, Freud attack Claude and Arinasa, and later Yama arrives in town. Paris gets destroyed by the midnight. Nicholas Flamel loses his life. Two days later, the Palazzo Ducale in Venice, receives Arthur's visit. Robert kills Arthur. And now we are all back in Vienna. Also, Isaac and Amadeus are on their way here. So, Claude...what's the plan?
Claude looks at everyone of them before answering.
Claude: The Celest City knows that i'm not afraid of bringing down an entire city. But now, we also know that they are not afraid either. Also, because Arthur found you so fast, we can assume that we have a traitor within our ranks. Or, that they have devised another way to find out our whereabouts.*
Leonardo: Then what are we supposed to do?
Robert: Nothing. We cannot accuse anyone yet...and because of that we must wait. We will listen if Isaac and Amadeus have some news. Anyway...what should we do next?
Claude: We will prepare. In one week, we will assault the Celest City. But i will need a diversion in order to have them focused on something else, rather than me. The problem is that i can defeat each of them. But if they all come together and try to take me out as a group they might succeed.*
Darwin: So, here on Earth...we must create your diversion.*
Robert: It's a risky move.*
Claude: I know. But we have to do it.*
Suddenly a butler enters the room.
Butler: Lord Robert! We have problems! Lord Newton and Lord Mozart are coming this way! But they are followed by a large group dressed in blue! They are after them with the intent to kill!
Robert gets up and his eyes are filled with anger. But before he can leave the room, Claude places his hand on his shoulder.
Claude: Sit down, Robert. I will deal with this.*
Robert: Are you sure?
Claude smiling menacing: Oh, i'm very sure!

The scene shows Isaac and Mozart. They are in a Ferrari and driving at a very high speed. Behind them, are dashing 50 men. They are about to catch up.

Newton: There is Robert's castle! We need to hurry!
Mozart: I'm doing my best, Isaac! But this piece of crap won't go any faster!
Newton takes out a pistol and starts shooting behind the car. But his bullets miss.
Newton: Dammit! Come one Amadeus!!!
Mozart: Look ahead of you! It seems that someone is coming out!
The scene shows Claude coming out of the gates. His hair is slicked back, and he is wearing a long black fitted coat, with ragged ends. In his right hand he is carrying his sword. The wind blows stronger around him.
Isaac: That's Claude! We are saved!!!
The car passes right next to Claude and enters the castle. But he remains outside waiting for the enemy. The 50 men stop and look at Claude.
Claude: You might want to go back to the Celest City. And fast.
The scene shows everyone gathered around a giant window, inside the castle. They are all looking at the outcome of the battle.
Blue Guard man: We are not retreating. You should step aside!
Claude smiles: Step aside? Watch your mouth son.*
Blue Guard man: Heh...everyone...ATTACK!!!
The 50 men are now taking out their swords and spears and they dash towards Claude. The latter simply smiles, as he places two fingers on his blade.
Claude: Release...Sciffer...
The blade starts glowing blue, and electrical surges are running across it.
Claude: Fulgur...Incidi...
As Claude says the words, he swings his blade. And from the tip of it, a large lightning emerges. The lightning goes straight towards the group at a very high speed. Several of them try to block the attack. But they fail. Claude's lightning slashes them in half. All of them. As they are falling down to the ground, dead, Claude turns around and walks towards the castle.
Arinasa is shown with her eyes widen by the shock.
Arinasa: Did he just...
Robert smiles: Yeah..he killed them all.
Leonardo: Claude is holding in his hands great powers. He is an Eären. One of the best actually.*
Suddenly, as Claude is returning to the castle, a powerful light is seen, as an object is falling from the sky towards the ground at a very high speed. At the same moment Robert places his hand on the nearby wall, and the castle gets enveloped in a green aura. Claude remains outside of the aura, being prepared to face whatever is coming at them.
Houdini: What the hell is that?!?
Darwin: I have never seen anything like that before...
Max: It's the enemy?!?
Robert is shown with his face shocked. He cannot belive what is coming at them.
Arinasa: Robert...?!?
Robert quickly turns and looks at each of them.
Robert: Everyone...take cover. Prepare yourselves...something terrible is about to happen.
Leonardo: What is that?
Robert: That, is someone. Someone that neither me or Claude wished to ever see. I cannot belive that he is coming to Earth.
Arinasa: Who are you talking about?!?
Robert: Our worst nightmare...i have only seen something like this once. I'm afraid that if he decides to kill us, we cannot do anything to stop him.
Max: Not even Claude?!?
Robert: Claude is the most powerful Eären that i have ever met. But an Eären could never bring down a Beyonder...
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Old 10-30-2012, 03:07 PM   #1265
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Re: Naruto Fan Fiction Thread!!

The scene shows Claude waiting for the object to land. His face is filled with shock. Soon the object hits the ground. A giant explosion is seen. From the dust a man appears. An old man, with a short grey beard, long grey hair and piercing blue eyes. He is wearing an old brown robe and wields a wooden staff.

Claude: Lord Moses...
Moses: Vishnu.*
Claude: Lord Moses, what brings you here?
Moses: You.*
Claude: I'm sorry, but i don't understand.
Moses: Let me explain. The Beyonders held a council. We decided to remain neutral in the war between Eärens. But, before we assume our status, we must hear both sides stories. Because of that, i'm here to talk with you. You will explain me everything. Otherwise, the Beyonders will take action and we will destroy each and every one of you.
Claude: I understand. Then, let me explain. A Prophecy was made a long time ago. It said that one day, the Kingdom of Gods shall fall. And it's destruction will be brought by a woman. A woman that will be aided by a former God. A woman that will bring the dawn of a new era for the mankind. At first, i was against this woman. But after i witnessed the corruption that enveloped the Eärens, i decided that the Kingdom of Gods, needs a cleaning. I decided that our way of living, is holding back the greatest creation. The man. Because of that i am at war with my brothers. Brothers that are thinking the opposite way.
Moses: And, do you realise the implications of having a war with your brothers? I'm sure that none of your allied knows about you, Vishnu.
Claude: Well, Moses...they do know about the Dark General.
Moses: Stories. Legends. They never saw you. They never saw your true nature. Not even that child, Robert.*
Claude: And what should i do, Moses? I stand with my belief. Should i abandon my principles?*
Moses: Abandon your principles? Vishnu, are you aware what a real scale battle between you and the Celestials would do to the Earth? Don't be foolish.
Claude: Foolish? Don't you think that i know?
Moses: I mean that you are going to be foolish enough and became again the Dark General for her. Tell me, how many times did you released Sciffer in the last week? And how many times did you released it in the last 500 years?*

The scene shows Robert, Arinasa and the rest.

Arinasa: Sciffer?*
Robert: It's the name of Claude's sword. When he says " Release Sciffer", his internal energies are also added to the blade. Thus, the sword becames much more destructive. There are three stages to a release: the first stage that Claude has done lately, called la Tertia. It's the weakest form, and the blade only receives a portion of Claude's power. The next stage it's called Secundo. The blade receives much more of the user's power, and its distruction power it's increased. With the release of a Secundo, the user can level mountains. The last stage, that was never used on Earth, it's called Primum. The full power of the user it's added to the blade. Only a Beyonder can use the Primum. The scale of it's power is unknown to us. Vishnu can go Secundo. I saw him using Tertia, and i only saw him once using Secundo.*
Arinasa: So Vishnu cannot use Primum. But that guy can.
Robert: Yeah he can...
Max: Who is that guy, anyway?!?
Robert: He is known as Moses. He is one of the Beyonders. I'm shocked that he came to Earth only to talk.
Leonardo shocked: Moses?!? That Moses!!?
Robert: That is not the problem, Leonardo. The problem is the carefree atitude that Vishnu has with him. We might get all killed.

The scene shows again Claude and Moses.

Claude: I used only Tertia two times.*
Moses: From Tertia to Secundo it's not too much, Vishnu.*
Claude: I won't need Secundo, here on Earth.
Moses: Hmpf...Vishnu, my friend...when the last Great Council was held we decided that we won't activate here on Earth. And yet..
Claude: Keep your mouth shut, Moses. I mean it.
Moses surprised: Oh...i see. They don't know. Well, there will come a moment when you will have to tell them, Vishnu.
Claude: I know. But this is not the moment.
Moses: Listen to me. If they, the Celestials...bring back your brother...they will find out. Because if they will manage to revive him...you will have to use that. And only a...
Claude: Again, shut up Moses. Keep this to yourself. And it won't come to that.
Moses: Let's hope so.*
Claude: You can go back to your dimension now. I consider myself warned.*
Moses: Hmm...be careful old friend.*
Claude smiles: I will be. Goodbye Moses.
Moses as he slowly vanishes: Goodbye Vishnu...

The scene shows Claude entering Robert's castle. Everyone comes in front of him.

Robert: May I ask...what a Beyonder was doing here, on Earth?
Claude: You may, but you won't receive an answer, Robert. I'm sorry.
Robert: Vishnu. I think that I, for least, deserve an answer.
Claude: There are things about me that you still don't know.
Robert: Like what? The fact that at a certain point, you falled into darkness and became the man known as the Dark General? That you almost destroyed everything? I know that Vishnu. I was there when you defeated the pride of Egypt!*
Claude smiles: That is not my secret. I'm sorry Robert. When the time comes, you will find out. In the meantime, i hope that you can still trust me.
Robert: I trust you Vishnu. With my life. But you will have to tell us everything. Soon. I won't insist because i'm aware that there is a reason for you keeping things from me. So i will go with your judgement.
Claude: Thank you my friend. Now...that we are all here...we should rest a bit. We will talk later.
Mozart: We agree. These days were too much for us.
Claude: Arinasa, let me show you the room. Come on.
He takes Arinasa and goes with her towards a giant bedroom. As she goes into bed, Claude resumes his habbit. He pours himself a glass of red wine, and lights a cigarette. Then he sits down in an elegant armchair.
Arinasa: You are going to guard me again?
Claude smiles: Not exactly love.
Arinasa: Then?
Claude: Just watch you sleep.*
Arinasa smiles and turns around. As she closes her eyes, Claude sighs. He starts remembering events from his long life.
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Old 10-30-2012, 03:08 PM   #1266
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Re: Naruto Fan Fiction Thread!!

Flashback. Egypt. Almost 5200 years ago.*

The scene shows a desert land. Two armies are clashing. The battle is very violent. On one side, a man with a green arm remarks himself. He is slashing enemy after enemy. On the other side, a tall young man, with black hair and piercing eyes is also keeping up. He is dressed entirely in red. *Suddenly their eyes meet. Almost instantly the other combatants make room for the two to duel. The man dressed in black comes forward. The one with the green arm comes two.

Man dressed in black: Osiris...finally we meet in battle.
Osiris: Vishnu. Or should i call you Dark General?
Vishnu smiles: Call me whatever you like, Osiris.*
Osiris: Today is a good day.
Vishnu: For what?
Osiris: For your blood to be spilled.*
Vishnu laughs: I'm sorry Osiris. Do you really think that you can defeat me?
Osiris: Why not? You're a mere Eären. While i am a Beyonder.
Vishnu: You know that you cannot release your full powers on Earth.
Osiris: Tertia will be enough for scum like you.
Vishnu: Then...Osiris...why don't you take a shot at me?*
Osiris reveals his curved blade. He places his palm around the blade as he whispers.
Osiris: Release...Deiphyna!
Vishnu smiles as he takes out his own blade and places two fingers on it.
Vishnu: Release...Sciffer.
As Vishnu talks, his own blade gets surrounded by electrical surges.
Osiris: A lightning user. Impressive. But i am afraid that your lightning is no match for my powers.
Vishnu smiles: Are you sure?
Osiris impales the ground with his sword.*
Osiris: Mortem! Da mihi sacrificium vestrum!
As Osiris says the incantation, from the ground fallen warriors of his army are rising. Soon, an army of dead people is standing between him and the Dark General.
Vishnu makes a swing with his sword.
Vishnu: Fulgur! Incidi!
He releases a powerful lightning bolt, that cuts in half all the zombies. But quickly, they simply regenerate.
Vishnu thinking: So...they can regenerate from my attack. That isn't good.
Just as he was thinking about this, Osiris appears next to him and attempts a slash. Vishnu barely has time to block it with his sword. Osiris makes a step back, and tries another swing. Vishnu parries it, then he spins, kicks Osiris in the chest and tries to impale him. But just as the blade was coming closer to the enemy, a zombie appears in front of Osiris and takes the blow.
Vishnu: Dammit!
Osiris quickly gets up and screams.
Osiris: You cannot kill the dead ones, Vishnu!!! You will die!
Vishnu thinking: No choice left here...
Vishnu: Fulgur! Magna Adtonitus!!!
From the sky several giant lightning bolts are coming. They strike all over the battlefield, hitting many of Osiris's dead soldiers. Vishnu uses the momentum and points his blade at Osiris.
Vishnu: Fulgur! Lancea!!!
Vishnu shots from the tip of his blade, a single thin lightning towards Osiris. The lightning hits the man right in his shoulder and pins him to the ground. But he quickly frees himself.
The battlefield is in chaos. Lightnings are still striking the zombie army, keeping them away from Vishnu.
Osiris: What's enough...it's enough...
Osiris places three fingers on his blade. He starts leaking massive energies. Green energies.
Osiris: Deiphyna...Secundo release!!!*
Slowly Osiris's blade wraps around his green arm. The blade vanishes completely, and the man's arm now is metal green. Vishnu watches calmly the development.
Osiris: I cannot belive that you pushed me to use this...
In a matter of moments, all the ressurected bodies disappear. Osiris is now ready to go all out with Vishnu.
Vishnu: A Secundo release...it's been a long time since i fought against something like this.
Osiris grins: Aren't you going to use your Secundo? Or do you belive that you can stand against me with your Tertia?
Vishnu smiles: Please...what could you do?
Almost instantly Osiris appears behind Vishnu. He tries to land a punch but the young man is faster. Vishnu manages to block the punch with his blade. When Osiris's hit and Vishnu's blade make contact the hell unleashes. Their clash causes a giant explosion. An enourmous green dome, striked by lightnings expands from the two. The dome destroyes everything on a radius of two miles. As the dust clears up the panel shows Osiris holding his green arm. Blood is coming out of it.
Osiris thinking: Not only that he managed to block my Secundo by using a Tertia...he also injured me! A mere Eären!!! It cannot be possible!!!
The scene shows Vishnu. His upper clothes were destroyed. He takes off the ruined shirt and throws it away. Except for that, he has no noticeable injuries. He is shown smiling.
Osiris: How did you survived this?
Vishnu: I am the Dark General. They don't call me their leader for nothing. I rule over powers that are beyond your comprehension, Osiris.*
Osiris shouts: I am a Beyonder!!! A mere Eären shouldn't be able to block my Secundo!!!
With those said, Osiris releases a great deal of energy and thrusts his hand into the ground.
Osiris: This time...i will kill you!!!
From the ground giant pillars of green energy emerges and are headed towards Vishnu. As the last pillar is about the strike him, Vishnu simply cuts it in half with his sword.
Osiris smiles.
Osiris: Hmpf...it's more about you than it meets the eye.
Vishnu: Apparently.*
Osiris: Secundo...Deiphyna's rage!!!
Osiris releases from his palm a giant green beam at Vishnu. The beam is moving at a very high speed, leaving no time for the young man to dodge it.
Vishnu thinking: Only one chance!!!!
He charges his sword with electricity and clashes it with the beam. For a moment he looks like he managed to overcome it, only for the beam to completly envelop him in the next second. A never seen before explosion occurs. The ground is filled with green flames. As the smoke clears out, the scene shows an injured Vishnu standing on one knee.
Vishnu thinking: Dammit...that green beam was too much...
Osiris appears in front of him.
Osiris: This...is the power of a Beyonder. My power. You cannot defeat me, Vishnu...
Vishnu smiles and places two fingers on his blade.
Vishnu: Sciffer...Secundo release...
With the words said, Osiris quickly jumps back. Vishnu starts shaking. From his body giant bolts of lightning are released into the sky. The wind starts blowing harder and harder. The scene shows an entire changed Vishnu. The Secundo release changed his appearence. He is now wearing a long white coat, with a gold line in the middle of it. He is also sporting white pants and boots, and golden arm guards. His hair has white stripes. But his eyes are shocking. Their brown color vanished and made room for a yellow patter with the lightnings focused around a black middle point. His eyes are filled with anger, determination and superiority.
Osiris shocked: What...what is this form?!?
Vishnu: This is my Secundo release. My Tertia allows me to exert my lightning control through my blade. Now i don't need my blade to direct an attack. Also, with my Secundo release, my wind bending affinity becames more obvious. Prepare yourself Osiris...i'm coming...
The scene gets very confusing. Vishnu vanishes from Osiris's sight. The latter doesn't even have time to react. He stares at the afterimage left by the young man. Vishnu appears 10 meters behind Osiris, while he holds his blade raised. Blood is seen on the tip of it. Osiris looks down at his stomach. Suddenly blood bursts out. Vishnu gave him a fatal blow in a fraction of a second. The god falls down on his knees barely breathing. He struggles and managed to place his fingers on the green arm.
Osiris barely speaking: I...will...not...die...here...today...De iphyna...Pri...Primum relea...
But he doesn't get the chance to finish the release. His head rolls down from his shoulders. The scene shows Vishnu back in his initial position. He decapitated Osiris with only one move. The panel shows only his focused, merciless eyes. He killed a Beyonder without a flinch.*
The panel shows a kid that watched the scene. His eyes are widen by the shock. Suddenly Vishnu lands exactly in front of him.
Kid: The Dark General...Lord Vishnu...
Vishnu spots the kid and looks at him.
Vishnu: What's your name kid?
Kid: I'm sorry Lord Vishnu. I cannot answer that question.
Vishnu is shown smiling: Are you hiding your identity from me?
Kid: No, my Lord. But i don't have a name. I'm sorry.
Vishnu: Would you like a name?
Kid: For what my Lord? My life is bound to slavery. What use would a name do to me?
Vishnu: What can you do?
Kid: Me? Everything. I learned everything that a slave can do.
Vishnu: Then why are you here? Slaves are kept in the camp to work, not sent to the battlefield.
Kid: My masters sent me here because they want me dead.
Vishnu: I don't understand. It wouldn't be easier to kill you if they want you dead?
Kid: They are afraid of me...of what i can do.
Vishnu: And what can you do?
The kid kneels and places his hands on the ground. Slowly a thin tree root emerges from the earth. The root grows stronger and stronger as the kid focuses more. Sweat appears on his forehead.
Vishnu: Interesting.*
Kid: What do you think my Lord?
Vishnu leans forwards, grabs the kid's hand and looks at him.
Vishnu: From this day on, you will come with me. I will train you and i will show you how to master your power. You are not a slave anymore. Your new life starts right now.
Kid shocked: My new life?!?
Vishnu: Exactly. Your new life. And you must receive a name...hmm...i shall call you Robert!
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Old 10-30-2012, 03:08 PM   #1267
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Re: Naruto Fan Fiction Thread!!

Present time. 2012. Vienna. Robert's castle.

A day has passed. The panel shows Robert's castle yard. Claude and Arinasa are face to face.

Claude: So...here starts your training. From this point, i will show you how to release your inner powers and how to display them. It's a lot of work to do, but if you listen to me, you will be able to do it. Robert is already training Max, so you must start before our war with the Celest City reaches it's peak.*
Arinasa: I'm ready. What should i do?
Claude: First of all, you must be able to feel your inner power. But let me start a small explanation first. So you would know what to expect. There are two types of energies in the human body. Your mind and your soul. The special abilities come from mixing the power of the mind with the power of the soul. Thus a new energy is born, called Azymus. The Azymus allows the user to project his inner force into the outside world.*
Arinasa: I get it.*
Claude: For someone that prepares to became a wielder of his Azymus there are three certain steps that must be followed. The first step is to became able to sync your soul with your mind.
Arinasa: And how do you do that?
Claude: Simple. The apprentice must have his life threatend. The fear of death, enables the sync of all senses. It's a basic instinct.*
Arinasa: What's the second step?
Claude as he slowly takes out his blade: Let's focus on the first step.*
Suddenly Claude appears exactly in front of Arinasa holding his blade at her throat.
Claude: You must dodge. You must escape. You must live. Because i will come at you with the intent to kill. Understood?
Arinasa surprised: I..i understand!!
Claude smiles: Good...
Claude makes a step back then he swings his blade aiming for Arinasa's chest. The girl barely dodges his attack. Just as she dodges, his posture changes, he brings forward his left foot, and leans forward trying to impale her. The blade scratches her right shoulder.
Arinasa thinking: Crap! He is really trying to kill me!
Claude makes a small spin and aims for her legs. She jumps avoiding the slash, but while being in the air, she suddenly gets grabbed by an invisible force that starts choking her.
Claude: The wind is also my friend. I can use it to grab you just by looking at you. I'm sorry, but this is your end. It seems that i have wasted my time with you. You're not the woman that i was looking for!
He aims for a neck slash. The scene shows his determined eyes and Arinasa's shocked eyes. Out of fear, she pushes her hands forward. And just when the blade is inches from her neck, a thick blue aura manifests around her. The blade hits the aura but leaves no mark on it.
Claude is shown smiling: Good. Now you finally did it.*
Arinasa: Wow...wait...what did you just said?
Claude: Aah...that you did it?
Arinasa: Before that. That i am not the woman that you are looking for?
Claude laughs: Look, love, i had to make you think that i was really going to kill you. I'm sorry.
Arinasa still mad: So...i did this shield stuff..what now?
Claude: The stuff that you did it's called a Soul Shield. It's one of the basic abilities. With a little practice, you will be able to project it as a reflex. Without even thinking about it. I want you to try and use it for the next couple of days. When you are ready, we will proceed to the next technique that you have to learn.
Arinasa: Got it. What will you do today?
Claude: Well...nothing actually.
Arinasa: I thought about visiting Vienna. Wanna come?
Claude: Sure. Why not?

The scene shows a giant white council room. At a table several men are gathered. Michael. Shiva. Brahma. Yama. Zeus. Hades.*

Michael:Brothers...we need to talk. And fast. It seems that Vishnu finally started moving.
Yama: I confronted him in Paris. The bastard is still powerful. He managed to take out my left eye.*
Zeus: I remember the times when i was young. He taught me how to wield the lightnings.
Shiva: It doesn't matter anymore, Zeus. Right now, he is our enemy. He is against us. He wants to destroy our way of life.
Brahma: It seems that as long as he is near the girl, we cannot reach her.*
Hades: I sent Arthur, Brutus and Asclose after her while Vishnu was in Paris with Yama. Vishnu's former pupil, Robert, killed Arthur. Leonardo Da Vinci killed Asclose. And they have captured Brutus.
Michael: Robert is not much of a threat for us. His abilities are based on Earth manipulation.*
Brahma: Nevertheless, i remember that brat. Vishnu taught him well. Even though he is not on the highest Eären level, he is still a threat. Because he is very cunning. Trust me. Don't underestimate Robert.
Zeus: And what about Vishnu? What if he descends again into darkness? What if he becames again the Dark General? None of us can stop him at that point.*
Michael: I have talked with the Beyonders. They told me that when Lord Osiris was killed...it was Vishnu's doing. If he turns again into the Dark General, we shall ask the help of the Beyonders. There is no other way.
Shiva: But it seems that a Beyonder already paid a visit to Vishnu. Moses. They talked and departed like old friends.
Michael: The Beyonders will stand with us. But i would like not to involve them in our conflict. Now, the only way to beat Vishnu is by applying an old say: Divide and conquer. We must separate him from Robert and Arinasa. We need something good enough to distract him a bit.*
Yama: I'm sorry Michael, but he will see right through our plan. He knows how we think.*
Shiva: The logical way would be to have a Beyonder confront him.*
Hades: But which Beyonder? Which one of them would help us on such a trivial matter?
Michael: Trust me...for them...Vishnu is anything but a trivial matter!

The scene shows Claude and Arinasa. They are walking on the streets of Vienna together.*

Claude: Are you enjoying your walk?
Arinasa smiling: Yes, i am.
Claude as he looks forward: Good. Because you will lose your interest for it in a matter of moments.
In front of them a man is waiting. A man with long dark hair, and wearing an elegant black suit. Claude stops right in front of him smiling. The man smiles back.
Claude: Niccolò. Long time no see.
Niccolò: Vishnu...my friend...
Claude: I use the name Claude these days, Niccolò.
Niccolò: I'm sorry. I didn't knew. And who is this charming signorina?
Claude: Niccolò, meet Arinasa. Arinasa meet Niccolò Machiavelli. Now...Machiavelli...what can i do for you?
Machiavelli: Well, Claude...i'm here to do you a favour actually. You know that i never chose a side...yours or the Celestials. But i have an information that i would like to share it with you. An information about Henry's whereabouts.
Claude: So you know that he is missing.
Machiavelli smiles: Please, Claude. I know everything. It's my job. Now, listen to me...just te other day i caught this: " The first has him" .
Claude suprised: The First as in the First...
Machiavelli: Exactly. Him.*
Claude: What could that old man want wirh Henry?
Machiavelli: I don't know...but i have a feeling that you will make a trip to find out, right?
Claude: Exactly. Thank you Niccolò. So...what are you doing?
Machiavelli: Laying low. The word is that you are going to start your war with the Celestials soon. Paris was your doing, right?
Claude: Mine and Yama's.*
Machiavelli: Too bad...i liked that city. Is it true that Arthur and Nicholas died?
Claude: Fortunately for Arthur...yeah he died. Unfortunately for us: Nicholas was killed too.
Machiavelli: I'm sorry to hear that. It was just a rumor. Well then...Claude...Arinasa...until we meet again!
Machiavelli is shown turning around and walking away on the street, leaving Claude and Arinasa alone.

The scene shows Robert's castle. Everyone is in the council room, waiting for Claude's return.

Claude enters the door with Arinasa behind him.
Claude: Pack for cold, gentlemen. We are leaving Vienna tonight. I met with Niccolò Machiavelli. He told me a rumor about Henry's whereabouts.
Robert: Where are we going?
Claude: Tibet.*
Leonardo surprised: He got Henry? That old man?
Claude: It seems so.
Arinasa confused: I still don't get it. Why are we going to Tibet?
Claude: Because that's the place where the First Dalai Llama lives!

The end.
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Old 10-31-2012, 12:39 AM   #1268
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Re: Naruto Fan Fiction Thread!!

WOW!! It's been awhile since I jumped onto the forums, but it's good to see a thread I started 3 years ago, still up and running.

Maybe I will join the fun if I get some time.
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Old 10-31-2012, 08:14 AM   #1269
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Re: Naruto Fan Fiction Thread!!

Vishnu has already killed a beyonder, crazy. Are your plans to make all beyonders of the same level or was osiris a weaker one?? Are you planning on making a hierarchy of sorts for the beyonders?
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Old 10-31-2012, 08:39 AM   #1270
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Re: Naruto Fan Fiction Thread!!

I'm seeing a little of the God Slayer in Vishnu. Am I wrong in my thinking?
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Old 10-31-2012, 04:34 PM   #1271
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Re: Naruto Fan Fiction Thread!!

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Originally Posted by KiddJutsu View Post
I'm seeing a little of the God Slayer in Vishnu. Am I wrong in my thinking?
No you're not fortunately. Vishnu/ Claude will be a combination between the previous fanfics character, Vishnu and Sasuke. And something more. Anyway, i already started working on the next chapter which will be one f the best with the most action.
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Old 10-31-2012, 06:43 PM   #1272
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Re: Naruto Fan Fiction Thread!!

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Originally Posted by Vishnu View Post
No you're not fortunately. Vishnu/ Claude will be a combination between the previous fanfics character, Vishnu and Sasuke. And something more. Anyway, i already started working on the next chapter which will be one f the best with the most action.
Well c'mon wit it bro! It's a no a brainer to incorporate elements from your previous masterpiece. I've always thought you should've done another book from the other fanfic. So this seems very natural. Lets see it sir.
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Old 11-01-2012, 12:33 AM   #1273
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Re: Naruto Fan Fiction Thread!!

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Well c'mon wit it bro! It's a no a brainer to incorporate elements from your previous masterpiece. I've always thought you should've done another book from the other fanfic. So this seems very natural. Lets see it sir.
It's not that i incorporate elements. Just that his personality will remind you a bit off them.
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Old 11-01-2012, 06:50 PM   #1274
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Re: Naruto Fan Fiction Thread!!

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It's not that i incorporate elements. Just that his personality will remind you a bit off them.
Well his functionality as a character, his transformation into a darker more powerful version, sword use, killing higher level Gods, yeah man that's all God Slayer. Don't forget I'm the avid reader of your fanfics.

So when's the next installment?
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Old 11-02-2012, 01:28 AM   #1275
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Re: Naruto Fan Fiction Thread!!

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Well his functionality as a character, his transformation into a darker more powerful version, sword use, killing higher level Gods, yeah man that's all God Slayer. Don't forget I'm the avid reader of your fanfics.

So when's the next installment?
Well, i told you that this idea was the first one, and i just adapted in order to develop a Naruto fanfic on it. But now, i'm going back to the roots. Trust me, the God Slayer is nothing compared to the Dark General. This time is not about killing higher power gods. In a couple of days, when i will post the next chapter, you will see that what really happens when aclaude ainks into the darkness.
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