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Old 01-29-2013, 04:37 AM   #1381
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Re: Naruto Fan Fiction Thread!!

OOOOO HELL YA!!!!!
can"t wait
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Old 02-10-2013, 06:56 AM   #1382
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Re: Naruto Fan Fiction Thread!!

oh c"mon men , give us something......Narut0360 please just the title and the first frase of the chapter...
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Old 02-10-2013, 11:23 AM   #1383
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Re: Naruto Fan Fiction Thread!!

So....
First to andreyyy:
Like you, I enjoy reading Narut0360's story. It is intriguing to say the least. But he (I'm assuming N0360 is a dude) has stated several times that he has some complications, and he puts the stuff out there as fast as he can. My suggestion to you... try writing your own stuff. It helps pass the time, trust me.

Second... I've decided that I'm going to have a short mini-series final chapter for my fictional work (I won't say fanfic, becuz we have idgits here who take this shit way too seriously). I saw where vishnu was on the forum the other day. Hope you can return soon man.
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Old 02-11-2013, 08:31 AM   #1384
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Re: Naruto Fan Fiction Thread!!

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Originally Posted by jekyl_hyde View Post
So....
First to andreyyy:
Like you, I enjoy reading Narut0360's story. It is intriguing to say the least. But he (I'm assuming N0360 is a dude) has stated several times that he has some complications, and he puts the stuff out there as fast as he can. My suggestion to you... try writing your own stuff. It helps pass the time, trust me.

Second... I've decided that I'm going to have a short mini-series final chapter for my fictional work (I won't say fanfic, becuz we have idgits here who take this shit way too seriously). I saw where vishnu was on the forum the other day. Hope you can return soon man.
Sorry for the long absence, but i had 12 exams so far. At the medicine college, here in Romania, we have in the winter two months of exams and in the summer another two months of exams. I have two more this week and i'm done. Probably by the end of the week, the new chapter will be up.

Thanks everyone for the support and for understanding.
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Old 02-11-2013, 09:14 AM   #1385
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Re: Naruto Fan Fiction Thread!!

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Originally Posted by Vishnu View Post
Sorry for the long absence, but i had 12 exams so far. At the medicine college, here in Romania, we have in the winter two months of exams and in the summer another two months of exams. I have two more this week and i'm done. Probably by the end of the week, the new chapter will be up.

Thanks everyone for the support and for understanding.
Dude, I thought something bad had happened to you. Glad to hear it was school. Good luck to you man.
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Old 02-11-2013, 09:57 AM   #1386
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Re: Naruto Fan Fiction Thread!!

It's good to see you Vishnu! Gee, I remember when I had those months, they were the definition of dread. Thank goodness I no longer have them, just be on the lab almost all evening with my laptop half the time recording data and the other half goofing on the web.
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Old 02-13-2013, 10:45 PM   #1387
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Exclamation Re: Naruto Fan Fiction Thread!!

Continuation from page 92

Quote:
Naruto Fan Fic Chronicles: Promise

We continue where we left off still in the whirlpool country The Scene starts high up on the walkway moving slowly to a wood rail balcony where people are gathered looking downward, two of the people are Karin and Satoru who we zoom onto both of their faces who seem to be mesmerized on what is going down below

Satoru- This is Incredible….

Karin- I know….This is my first time to actually see both Sasuke and Naruto’s gleaming sweaty shirtless bodies simultaneously it is incredible…

We zoom in on Satoru’s face who looks over at Karin with a disgusted look but… Satoru then realizes that all the girls around him that looking downward have the same look on their face that Karin has….

Satoru- Ugh… NO… I mean look at this Training, Now I know why Naruto Comes back from his trips with learning such difficult Jutsu in such a short amount of time…. Just look at all of the Naruto’s down there!!!

We cut too a zoomed out view of the terrain down below to see one Thousand Naruto’s split into two groups training with so much energy as if they truly were ablaze….. One of the groups is in a mediating pose except they have something in their hand when we zoom in on one of the Naruto’s Hands we see a leaf with a little tiny ember smoking….We see Sasuke weaving in and out of this group preaching and ordering the Naruto’s around ….

Sasuke- Naruto, You must remember fire can burn anyone and anything even you so you must learn control, so think of our tree climbing training days

(show picture of Naruto and Sasuke climbing trees and cuts to Naruto and all the bumps on his head)

Sasuke- Too little and nothing will happen too much you will end up with something a lot worse than a bump on the head…. If you catch my drift

Naruto grunts and shakes his head as if he understands, but one of the clones right next to him is set on fire and poofs….

Sasuke- DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID WRONG THERE?!!

Sasuke looks upward at the tree canopy and we quickly see Naruto
watching everything down below


Naruto- Yeah, I was a little zealous there!

We cut back to Sasuke’s face, who gives a smirk but quickly turns his attention to the other group of Naruto’s who are standing under the waterfall Panting

Sasuke- Tough right?

All the Naruto’s look up at Sasuke still panting

Sasuke- Good, because it should be…. I know it’s easy for you to cut water with wind but when you are able to cut it in half with fire…. That is when we know you have the power…. And with power and control I promise you, You will be able to master any fire Jutsu you want !

With that said all the panting Naruto nods gives a huge grin and takes a deep breath in than exhales nothing but smoke and only for that smoke to be washed away by the constant flow of the falls…. Sasuke scoffs at the attempts turns away from the group and looks up with a smile on his face at Naruto

Sasuke- You got a long way to go Naruto!

Naruto Nods and goes back to meditating…. We cut back to Sasuke who is joined by Hinata

Hinata- even though he has a long way to go, its impressive he keeps going with this many clones

Sasuke looks at Hinata and smiles

Sasuke- Hinata, you don’t even know how impressive this feat actually is

Hinata looks at Sasuke with confusion and asks

Hinata- what do you mean Sasuke?

Sasuke looks back up at the Meditating Naruto and says

Sasuke- I only say that because you were not there when Naruto told me he will have to go easy on the clones for this training session…

Hinata looks around at all the clones and giggles

Hinata- he calls this taking it easy on the clones?

Sasuke chuckles

Sasuke- I said the same thing, when I asked how many clones will you be using then? and he said….

Flashback

Naruto- One Thousand is all I can use at this time

Sasuke scoffs and then scratches his head

Sasuke- One Thousand clones you call that taking it easy?

Naruto closes his eyes and scratches his neck and smiles

Naruto- yep!

Sasuke- you got too be kidding me!! .... so how many clones would you usually train with?

Naruto- hmmm, about Five Thousand .

Sasuke- Five Thousand , you are kidding me right now?!....

Naruto- Nope

Sasuke- Then what is exactly stopping from using that amount now?

Naruto- Lets just say that chakra is being used at the moment…
We see Sasuke eyes widen and scene fades out white

Flashback ends

Hinata- I don’t understand Sasuke, why can’t he use that chakra

Sasuke glances at Hinata, tilts his head and smiles then quickly returns his focus on Naruto

Sasuke- Because Hinata, He is already using that chakra for those Four Thousand other clones training somewhere else…..

Hinata slowly looks up at Naruto who she seems to see a yellow aura around him

Sasuke- to think This Naruto is the same screw up I was teamed up with so long ago…. no one would ever believe it

???- You are Right

???- We don’t Believe You

??????- Uchiha!!!

The startled Sasuke and Hinata quickly turn to see the Two twins Riku and Daichi standing right behind them Sasuke gives his smirk and Hinata her nervous smile

Hinata- Hi, Riku and Daichi… umm

Sasuke- what are you doing here exactly!!?

Riku- we are here to

Daichi- Contain You.

Sasuke- Contain us?!?

Hinata- But why?!!

Daichi- We did not ask

Riku- we only obey our

Daichi & Riku- orders

Daichi- However we are not you enemy but

Riku- If you do not cooperate with us

Daichi- we will have to…

Naruto falls from the sky and Lands Between Riku & Daichi who are giants compared to him. Naruto only comes up to both the twins chests…. And while Riku & Daichi don’t budge, Sasuke and Hinata steps backwards away from Naruto… we Zoom in on Naruto who we cannot see his eyes because he is looking down, when he calmly smiles and with conviction in his voice asks Riku & Daichi

Naruto- You Will Have To Do What?!!

The twins stay silent

Continues ...
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Old 02-13-2013, 11:09 PM   #1388
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Exclamation Re: Naruto Fan Fiction Thread!!

Chapter Continuation From Page 93

Continued...

Quote:


Naruto- Answer Me!!... You Will Do WHAT!??

Riku- we will have to

Daichi- Contain them by

Riku & Daichi whisper the next word

Riku & Daichi – Force….

We see Naruto slowly shaking his head and finally makes eye contact
with the twins, we zoom in on his eyes and to see his eyes are in sage mode… The twins see this and jump back


Naruto- Why would you show my friends and I so much disrespect

Riku- it is not our

Daichi- Intention, Naruto to

Riku- Disrespect You or your friends

Daichi- we are ordered to do this

Naruto- Ordered…. By who?

Riku & Daichi- we are not allowed to say

Naruto nods his head as to say he understands and starts to walk towards the twins and the twins back with each step Naruto takes forward away.

Riku- We are

Daichi- Sorry we have to do

Riku- what we are ordered to

Daichi- Do, But it is an

Riku & Daichi- Order!!

Naruto Nods…. And all his One Thousand Clones stand up and Surround Naruto and the twins… The twins look around but regain their focus on Naruto

Riku & Daichi- We were told and we knew we would be out numbered against you Naruto, But…

Naruto- But what?

Riku- we

Daichi-came

Riku & Daichi- prepared for that….

The twins grab each other’s hand and the two makes multiple hand signs in a blink of an eye… and Naruto’s eyes focus on the twin and realizes what is about to happen and is about to turn to Sasuke and Hinata, when all of his One Thousand clones between them go POOF from being struck down by wood release- wood whip Jutsu !! Naruto is about turn around and Face the Twins but instead quickly looks up towards the Balcony and Yells..

Naruto- PROMISE ME THEY WILL NOT TAKE OR HARM MY FRIENDS, SATORU!!!!

With that we zoom in on Naruto’s eyes which are not in sage mode anymore but blank and quickly zoom out to see a fainting Naruto tumble to the ground….

Hinata- NARUTOoo !!!

We see the Twins walk towards Sasuke and Hinata… Sasuke Jumps in front of Hinata with EMS activated

Sasuke- I will not let you Take Us!!!

???- DAMN RIGHT !!

We see Satoru’s hands on both the chest of the twins stopping there movement forward

Satoru- You see Naruto asked me to protect these two, so you will be containing no one here today…and since you two understand orders very well, so you understand that I must obey Naruto’s … right?

The twins Smile and nod at Satoru, but then looks at each other then back at Satoru

Riku- We understand

Daichi- But you must understand as well that

Satoru- That, what?

Riku- we were ordered kill anyone who interfered

Daichi- Besides Naruto and his two friendswill be safe with us….

Riku- you are the only one interfering with

Riku & Daichi- US!!

Satoru- oh….... Well that was my intention in the first place so do what you must do.

Both the twins smiles disappear and they lift Satoru by both his arms that were preventing them to move… The twins look up at a writhing but still smiling Satoru…

Riku & Daichi- Why are YOU SMILING?!?

Satoru- I smile because, she did good…Hehe and I’m laughing because you two are done for!!....

Riku & Daichi are about to slam Satoru to the ground when two colossal hands are placed on the twins two shrinking shoulders. The Twins slowly place Satoru Down on the ground and turn their heads to see the Two chest of two very large men, the twins turn around completely and look up to see that these two men, one a slender and tall with long red hair and the other a mountain of a man that almost resembles a Viking in attire and in looks with a red beard that cover everything except for the evident smile on his face…. Sasuke begins to push Hinata Backwards when Satoru says…

Satoru- There is no need for that Sasuke

Sasuke- Why!?

Satoru- Because this is MY Family and they are here to help

Sasuke and Hinata begin to relax… and Hinata begins to walk towards the fallen Naruto to see if he is ok but one of the twins suddenly moves to prevent her but by the time he takes two steps the slender man has already has Naruto in his arms and is standing next to Hinata and Sasuke that did not see him move until he was already next to them….

???- Satoru, what happened to Naruto?

Satoru- he is fine Dad, he fainted after all his clones were attacked and vanished, he is just exhausted from the training, but these two came to contain Naruto’s friend and said they were going to……. KILL ME!!

Satoru’s Fathers calm face changed to an unhinged look, but gentley handed Naruto To Hinata and Looked at his Brother and Says

???- Ken, Finish them quickly

Ken- Brother, This will be fun….

Ken grabs from his back a scroll and before he unravels it a voice can be heard from the Balcony above

???- STOP!!!!

We look up to see Kiyomi Floating down to the ground with is displeasing look upon her face

Kiyomi- You two have made a mess of what I asked you to do

The twins kneel and revert their eyes Kiyomi comes floating down in front of everyone, she quickly bows to Satoru’s Dad and Ken

Kiyomi- im sorry for the trouble these two might have caused you Master Shouta, Master Ken, but they were ordered only to contain Naruto and his guest nothing more, but it seems they went a little overboard as you can see… None of this was my Intention, but

Shouta- What was your intention, Then?

Kiyomi- I was ordered to bring Naruto to the Grand Elders and and you know he would never stop his training for anything so I thought that I could use his two guests….

Ken- well that was Stupid

Satoru- but uncle she is absolutely right about the training though..

Hinata- but you went too far, look what you did!!!

Sasuke looks at Naruto and then angrily Stares at Kiyomi with EMS eyes activated

Kiyomi- those eye would scare most here but not me, Uchiha you are warned

Shouta- Uchiha this is not the place to use those eyes, you will only cause more trouble for Naruto Here

Sasuke deactivates his EMS and Kneels by Hinata who has Naruto’s head in her Lap.

Kiyomi- Very Smart

Ken- Shut it!

Kiyomi-…..

Ken- Brother, what do we do?

Shouta- if it is the Grand elders order to speak with Naruto, we must obey… However we will accompany him

Ken grunts and nods in agreement

Kiyomi- Masters as you wish, you may accompany Naruto, but what of his two guest

Satoru- they will be safe here with me… Riiight?

Kiyomi looks at Shouta and Ken then back at Satoru, and nods her head.

Kiyomi- of course….

Kiyomi turns and floats up to the balcony. Shouta kneels down and puts out his arms in front of Hinata

Shouta- Young Women I do see that you greatly care For Naruto but I will take great care of him

Hinata brings Naruto’s head closer to her lap but Sasuke puts his arm on her shoulder to ease her mind....Shouta is now sitting down legs crossed with Ken standing behind him

Shouta- im so glad Naruto has friends that love him and would protect him, its just as my little sister would have wanted….

Hinata- Sister??

Shouta sighs and then leans back and looks up at his brother then over to his son then finally back at Naruto and laughs to himself

Shouta-Yes, you see that trouble maker your holding in your lap there

We see Hinata looking down at Naruto

Shouta- he is our Nephew…. So We will not let harm come to him, we lost him once already and we will not lose him again especially after …. Well just trust us…

We see Ken and Satoru smiling and Nodding

Ken- Plus its added incentive to our well being that our lil sis would come back and haunt us to death so trust us, nothing will happen to Naruto.

We see Shouta , Ken and Satoru looking at Hinata smiling... Hinata smiles and loosens her grip on Naruto and Shouta takes him in his arms and stands up looks over at his brother and nods they both do a few hands signs and they begin floats off the ground Shouta looks at Satoru Nods and says

Shouta- we will be back soon, but if anything does happen you must keep your word to Naruto….

Satoru- I know Dad…. We Uzumaki’s Never Go back on our Word and my Promise to Naruto will not be BROKEN !!!

Satoru gives a huge thumbs up and smiles at his dad and uncle, who smile back and Disappears in a Red and Orange blur…. Satoru Turns to Sasuke and Hinata who are slowly beginning to stand and says

Satoru- I don’t know about the two of you but I’m starving anyone up for some Ramen, Naruto must have some lying around somewhere….

We see Sasuke and Hinata with a confused look on their face and crickets can be heard in the back ground as Satoru walks past them towards the cave mumbling about what type of Ramen he was going to have….

The Scene begins too Fades out white.. but cuts suddenly to Darkness, where a mumbling can be heard….


END
To Be Continued……
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Old 02-13-2013, 11:53 PM   #1389
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Re: Naruto Fan Fiction Thread!!

I did not expect the family tie you threw in there N0360. Really nice.

My one critique would be what happened to Karin during that little squabble? Really liked how you brought the exhaustion part from the clone training in the manga about him fainting when all of the clones disperse. Nicely done dude.
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Old 02-14-2013, 12:17 AM   #1390
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Re: Naruto Fan Fiction Thread!!

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Originally Posted by jekyl_hyde View Post
I did not expect the family tie you threw in there N0360. Really nice.

My one critique would be what happened to Karin during that little squabble? Really liked how you brought the exhaustion part from the clone training in the manga about him fainting when all of the clones disperse. Nicely done dude.

Thanks J_H, I'm glad you liked it.

and

the reason i had Karin get lost during this chapter was i find it hard to write for her all the time & i had so many characters to work with already. So that is why i gave Karin a task that she might not make it back before the chapter ended...
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Old 02-14-2013, 12:34 PM   #1391
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Re: Naruto Fan Fiction Thread!!

1 hell of a job NARUT0360 , i didn"t expect that will happen so fast ( the Naruto and co "restrain" LOL) and you didn"t let Sasuke rampaging one bit = clever!!!!... the 5 thousand clones , let me tell you that is just AWESOME.....( y always thought that Naruto will have a technique like that( dragon army no jutsu ( wind ) or something like that )... good job AS ALWAYS
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Old 02-15-2013, 10:55 PM   #1392
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Smile Re: Naruto Fan Fiction Thread!!

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Originally Posted by andreyyy View Post
1 hell of a job NARUT0360 , i didn"t expect that will happen so fast ( the Naruto and co "restrain" LOL) and you didn"t let Sasuke rampaging one bit = clever!!!!... the 5 thousand clones , let me tell you that is just AWESOME.....( y always thought that Naruto will have a technique like that( dragon army no jutsu ( wind ) or something like that )... good job AS ALWAYS

Thanks.... you mentioned the speed of Naruto's Containment that is my fault... i feel that the pace of the chapters and action sequences are my major flaws but i'm trying to work on them

Any more thoughts from anyone?? ...... KiddJutsu i'm waiting for you assessment
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Old 02-17-2013, 02:01 PM   #1393
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Re: Naruto Fan Fiction Thread!!

Hi guys. Long time no see. Finally i'm done with all my exams. And as i promised the chapter is up. I'm waiting reviews as soon as you can. Sorry again for the long absence but the medicine is my priority. Well...with no more further delays: here it is.


Chapter four. The Alliance.*

The panel shows the Celest City. Due to Robert's attack, more than half of the City got destroyed in the process. Now, Claude relocated his headquarters somewhere in the northern district. He is seen in a room, alone, smoking a cigarette.

Claude thinking: This is getting out of control...everything went wrong...my plan was different than what happend. Let's see: my main concern is Lucifer. He plans to open the portal to the dimension where my brother is being kept prisonier. But i made sure that the dimension cannot be opened so easily. He must come here to the Celest City. Here is the portal. As far as i remember...he was a good warrior...it might get messy around here. So...first we have Lucifer who is trying to set my brother free. If the Bringer of Chaos will be released...the world will know it's final days. But...i must not forget about the Beyonders. Amaterasu...he is coming after me. I don't know what his plan is, but he is coming. The Bringer of Chaos...hmpf...it's been a long time...from that night...when the Chaos vanished and the Darkness arised...

Flashback.

A mountain. Giant meteorites are falling from the sky, crashing on the mountain. There are fire, blood and screams everywhere. People are seen runing away from the cataclysmic events. The world is on the brink of chaos. On the top of the mountain, a man is seen. Wearing a white robe and wielding a staff. He is tall, blonde with curly hair that reaches below his waist. His eyes are red. His staff is pointed at the sky, as he is laughing. From the tip of the staff, red lights emerge and hit the clouds. He is summoning the meteors to the Earth. Another man is seen running towards the top of the mountain. He is wearing a black fitted uniform. He has slicked back, black hair and determined eyes.He is holding a sword in his hand.

Vishnu shouts: BROTHER!!!!
The blonde man turns around and looks at Vishnu. He smiles.
Brother: Hello, Vishnu. And welcome the party. Today is the day when the world dies!
Vishnu: I won't let you!
Brother smirks: Be reasonable Vishnu. And please, don't overestimate your abilties. You were never able to defeat me. I know everything about your Tertia and Secundo. If you recall, i am the one that taught you how to release Sciffer.*
Vishnu: You think that you know everything about me but you are wrong, brother!
Brother: Don't screw with me Vishnu! I know everything about you and your abilities. Everything. About Fulgur and Ventus. And belive me when i say this..I will destroy this world! I will burn it down! And there is nobody that can stop me. Not even the mighty Beyonders dare to stand against me!*
He turns around and shouts at the sky.
Brother shouting: COME ON DOWN, BEYONDERS! FACE ME!!! COME ON, JESUS, MOHAMMED, BUDDHA, AMATERASU, MOSES AND OSIRIS!!! COME TO SEE THE REAL MEANING OF FEAR AND POWER!
Vishnu: They won't come here, brother. I'm sorry.
Brother: Because they are a bunch of cowards!
Vishnu with a sad face: No, brother. They are weaker than you. They cannot defeat you.
Brother laughs: And you can, little brother?*
Vishnu: I cannot kill you. Not because i am not able to do it, but because despite everything you're still my brother, and i don't want to kill you. That's why...i am going to seal you away.
Brother: In order to seal me away, you must first make me drain my power. My Azymus. Which you will never be able to do.
Vishnu smiles: I have to do this...i'm sorry everyone...
Vishnu touches the blade with one finger. He closes his eyes. With his eyes closed he says the incantation.
Vishnu: Sciffer...PRIMUM RELEASE!!!!
Suddenly everything changed. The scenery itself got remodeled after the release. Vishnu streamed out of his body massive waves of pure energy that destroyed everything in their path. The wind blows harder than it never did. Massive lightnings are striking the ground near Vishnu. The panel reveals him. His entire appearence changed drastically. He is now wearing a yellow energy made coat, that finishes in ragged ends. Underneath it he has a white shirt and white pants. His hair is now white and his eyes have the three lightnings pattern applied. He is a bit taller than he was and a bit more muscular.*
The brother shocked: That's...That's a Primum release!!! Only the Beyonders should have access to it! Not a mere Eären like you! And the Beyonders never used a Primum! This is a premiere! I thought that it was only a legend!
Vishnu: I'm sorry brother. I can use the Primum. This is the first and the last time that i will use it. You have aquired dangerous powers. You are trying to drain the Earth's energy itself. Nobody has dared to do that before you. Because there are major consequences. Hence, you must be stoped.*
The brother shouts: I need that power! I need the power that resides in the core of this planet! I have a dream Vishnu! I dream of a perfect world! I will take that power and i will reshape the world!!!
Vishnu: I'm sorry but i will shatter your dream.*
The brother: So now what?!? You're a Beyonder too? Because only a Beyonder can use the Primum!
Vishnu smiles: Fortunately, i am not a Beyonder. But i am not an Eären either.
The brother: BUT WHAT ARE YOU THEN!?!
Vishnu: I am...something else. Different.*
The brother: I don't understand. How is it possible?!?
Vishnu: I don't know. It's a mistery for me too.*
The brother enraged: YOU ARE LYING BASTARD!!!
He instantly dashes towards Vishnu, aiming at a hit with his staff. Vishnu simply blocks the attack with his sword. The staff breaks in half at contact. The brother has a shocked expression on his face. Vishnu vanishes from his sight, leaving nothing more than an afterimage. He appears exactly behind his brother and impales him in the chest with the sword. But no blood comes out.
Vishnu:*Signaveris! Potentia Haurientes!
The brother: What...what are you doing to me?!?!
Vishnu: I am draining all your power. That's what i am doing.*
Suddenly Vishnu takes out the blade, as his brother falls on his knees.
Vishnu: You were known as the Bringer of Chaos. Because you tried to destroy this world. Our realm. Our kingdom. You tried to take everything for you. You are a selfish man, brother. Unfortunately i am the one that has to stop you.
Brother: You know why i am like this, Vishnu? Did you even tried to find out?
Vishnu: No. I didn't.
Brother: Then let me enlighten you. What's the definition of a human being?
Vishnu: I don't know.
Brother: The human being is selfish. That's its main characteristic. A man is selfish. Inevitabilly he will think only of himself. Even if he tries to act selfless, in the end it's all about him. His conservation system takes over. I searched for the root of this phenomena. And guess what i found. The humans are very simmilar to us. Actually identical. And so i reached a conclusion: there is only one way to gain peace. Because both gods and humans have evil in their hearts. It's a duality. And so, what's the only way of gaining true peace? Destroy the duality. Create a singularity. But it's impossible to change every man in the world one by one. So the obvious solution is to destroy the world and create a new one instead. But for that to happen you need the cumulated power of the six Beyonders. How can you aquire that power? By draining the Earth's own energy. And then use it to recreate it. And to make a perfect world, where evil doesn't linger anymore.
Vishnu: You are trying to create an utopia, brother. For good to exist...evil must be as well. Otherwise you wouldn't be able to make a comparsion. And you will simply live the same life over and over again. For good to manifest...evil must be feeded too. I'm sorry brother...but you will go now. I won't kill you. But i will seal you away. In a different dimension, that the Beyonders created specially for you.
The Bringer of Chaos smiles and manages to get on his feet.*
Brother: You are a fool Vishnu. But if i am leaving...i will give you a gift...that will remember you of me your entire life!
Suddenly the Bringer of Chaos shots from his palm a black beam that hits Vishnu in the chest throwing him on his back.*
Vishnu as he gets up: What the?!?
The Bringer of Chaos smiles but remains silent.
Vishnu as he claps his hands: Enough.*Signantes! Aeternum Exilium!!!
From the ground blue energy beams rise. The beams surround the Bringer of Chaos and envelop his body. He is heard screaming as the beams are attaching to him. Then Vishnu points his hand at the sky. A black hole appears and the Bringer of Chaos is sucked in instantly. His final words are heard though.
The Bringer of Chaos: I WILL RETURN!!! AND THE WORLD WILL BURN!!!
As the black hole vanishes, it starts raining. The sky is crying. Vishnu is showing turning around and starts walking towards the base of the mountain. The panel is focused on his face. He is crying.*
Vishnu: I'm sorry that i had to do this...even after everything that happend...i still consider you my brother...Livontes...
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Old 02-17-2013, 02:03 PM   #1394
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Re: Naruto Fan Fiction Thread!!

And suddenly, Vishnu's face freezes. He falls on his knees as black energy starts erupting from his body. The energy released devastates everything in it's path. The wind blows harder than never. Giant lightnings strike the ground. The sky goes dark. After the release ends the scene shows Vishnu. His attire was changed due to the release. He is now dressed entirely in white. His hair has white stripes in it and he also has the lightning pattern in his eyes. The man gets on his feet and looks around him. He grabs his sword and slashes at the mountain behind him. The entire mountain gets destroyed from one slash. Vishnu's swing of the sword disintegrated an enourmous mountain. He looks at the result and smiles.*
Vishnu with a menacing voice: They have made me seal away my brother...i will not let this slip...they will not know me anymore by the name of Vishnu. From this day on, i will be called The Dark General. I will destroy everything that they love! Everything!!!! This is the gift that my brother made to me...the dark energy of the Earth itself!*

End of flashback.

The panel it's switched. It shows*Leonardo, Suleyman, Darwin, Max and Houdini in chains. They are in a cell.

Leonardo: Guys...what happend?!?
Suleyman: I don't know...
Darwin: The last thing i remember is Claude appearing before us...then he did something...and from that point everything is confused in my head.
Max: I think that Vishnu knocked us out.
Houdini: I cannot use my abilities...it seems that these chains are restraining our powers!
Darwin: Then...all that we have to so is wait.

The panel it's switched. It shows a tall man with short blonde hair. He wears an elegant gray suit with a red tie. He also sports a cane with a ruby located at its tip. He is walking the streets of London. Suddenly he enters a pub and sits at a table. Almost immediatly a gorgeous woman sits near him. She is wearing a fitted black skirt with a red shirt. She is brunette.*

Man: Well, well...what news do you bring me?
Woman: He thought of everything. There is only one way inside the Celest City.*
Man: And probably i will confront him there.*
Woman: Exactly...most likely he will be waiting...so he will spot us immediatly.
Man: What can you tell me about that girl...Arinasa?
Woman: Right now she is not really a threat. But...soon she will be.*
Man: Where is she right now?
Woman: She just killed the Alchemist.
Man: Flamel, huh? Well...she is quite decent if she managed to kill that one. He was very elusive.
Woman: Indeed.*
Man: And the rest? Leonardo, Houdini, Darwin, Henry, Suleyman, Mozart and Newton?
Woman: Some of them are in the City. Some of them are here on Earth.*
Man: I see. And what did your spies told you about the boy...Max?
Woman: His shielding abilities have increased in the past two years. A lot. Probably he can take an attack coming from the likes of Gabriel.
Man: Good. And...Robert?
The woman smiles menacing: Exactly. Robert. That's where i was going! I cannot wait to tell you about him!

The panel it's switched. It shows Krishna opening the cells and releasing Leonardo, Suleyman, Darwin, Max and Houdini.

Leonardo: What it's happening?
Krishna: Lord Vishnu required your presence. Right now.
Darwin: And if i refuse to go?
Krishna: I will make you. Now go!

The panel shows them entering Vishnu's room. There they spot Vishnu looking through the window. Someone is also standing on a seat but with his back turned at them.

Suleyman: Have you brought us here to finally deliver the fatal blows?
Vishnu: My dear Suleyman...do you think that if i really wanted to kill you...i couldn't do it right now?
Houdini: No because...
Vishnu raises his hand: Silence. And listen to me.
Vishnu: You all remember when the Beyonders came here. At that meeting, Jesus and Mohammed declared their neutrality in our conflict. Moses is supporting us. But...Amaterasu declared against us. Also...Jesus warned me about something. In his final moments, Michael...released the seal on the Hell's gate. Thus, he freed his brother. And guess what...Lucifer is coming here. Most likely Amaterasu will join forces with him. I didn't want to drag any of you into this. But if i would have told you this...none of you would have accepted. I don't want you guys to die. I lied to you and hoped that my lies will keep you safe. But since you seem so eager to die at my side...there is nothing i can do.*
Darwin: Then why did you killed Robert?!?
Suddenly the man standing gets on his feet. The group is shocked to see an unscathed Robert.
Robert: He didn't killed me...
Leonardo: It means that...
Vishnu: Exactly. I was always on your side. Now...i have a mission for all of you. Go back to Earth. And place Arinasa and Max under your best protection. Use everything you've got. Everything.*
Max: What will you do in the meantime?
Vishnu: I will kill Lucifer and i will try to kill Amaterasu. Robert...you know why i am asking this of you...don't you?
Robert: I do know...you're certain that during your battle with Amaterasu you might became once again the Dark General.*
Vishnu: Exactly. If that happens...Arinasa must be safe. No harm must ever come to her.
Robert: In the meantime...
Vishnu: I will contact Moses and have him fight at my side. My guess is that Amaterasu will join the battle too as i said. It's a good opportunity for him to take me down.*
Robert: I understand. We will protect her.*
Vishnu: Perfect. Now...
He claps his hands together and then places his right hand on the ground. Immediatly a portal opens.
Vishnu: Go. And do everything you can.*
Robert: Can we tell her?
Vishnu: The truth? Not yet. Wait to hear news from me. If you don't hear anything in two weeks tell her everything you know. And prepare yourselves because they will come after you next.
Everyone but Robert jumps into the portal. Vishnu stops Robert by placing his hand on his shoulder.
Vishnu: Wait. I wanted to tell you something.
Robert: What is it?
Vishnu: If I fall...if they defeat me...they will come after you. They will kill everyone but Arinasa and Max. Lucifer of Amaterasu...it doesn't matter because both of them will do the same thing. If in two weeks you hear no news...you will have to do something for me Robert.*
Robert: What is it?
Vishnu with a sad voice: Something that i have never imagined. You will have to....

The scene it's switched. Several days have passed. Claude is inside his tower. The only remaining portal active in the Celest City is rit in fromt of his tower. There are stationed Gabriel, Krishna and several other members of the Blue Guard.

Gabriel: Krishna. I will go upstairs to see Vishnu. I will be back in a couple of minutes.
Krishna: Aye Lord Gabriel. I will keep watching over the portal.
Gabriel unfolds his wings and flies to the top of the tower. Just as Gabriel left, suddenly an electrical surge appears out of nowhere in thin air. Krishna immediatly spots it and shouts.
Krishna: Everyone!!!!Battle positions!!!! They are here!!! The enemy has finally comed to our gates!!!
The electrical surge forms a crack and the crack opens revealing two people. A tall short haird blonde man dressed in white and a brunette beautiful woman next to him.The man also has a cane with a ruby on its top.
Man: The Celest City...it's been a while.
Woman: It's impressive.
Man: Yeah...you've never been here before, have you?
Woman: No...and it's quite amazing what Vishnu accomplished here.
Man: But look...it's southern district...it's in ruins. It seems that a battle took place here not too long ago. It seems that what you have learned about Robert is true.
Suddenly Krishna's voice breaks their conversation.
Krishna: Who are you!?! And why are you here!?!
The man turns around and looks at the army waiting for them and at Krishna.
Man: My name is not relevant to you. And i'm here to have a chat with Vishnu.
Krishna: If you want to have a chat with him, you must tell me who you are, first.
The man smiles: You're not the one to decide if i go to see Vishnu or i don't.
Krishna: Well...it seems that i am the one that has an army behind me. So i guess that i can decide whatever i want.
Man: An army? Get real brat. Do you think that you can stop me with the Blue Guard? As i said...i don't want to fight...but if it comes to that...i will rip you all to shreds.*
__________________
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Old 02-17-2013, 02:03 PM   #1395
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Re: Naruto Fan Fiction Thread!!

Krishna suddenly dashes towards him with his blade raised.
Krishna: Secundo release!!! Dragon entity!!!!
Krishna's blade emits a white wave that envelops his body like an armor. The blade itself turns white. Instantly he vanishes from the unknown man's sight and appears behind him attempting a slash. But the man is much more faster than he looks. Almost imediatly he turns around and clashes his cane against Krishna's blade. Krishna watches in horror as a crack appears on his sword. And moments later, he looks shocked at his blade. It just shattered when the unknown man's cane touched it.
Krishna: Impossible!!!! You breaked my Secundo with a mere walking cane!!!
But the man remains silent and prepares to strike Krishna with his cane. As the cane goes down towards Krishna's head, suddenly another man appears out of thin air and catches with his bare hand the cane. Claude is shown smiling as he stoped the cane.
Claude: Well, well...it seems that someone that i haven't seen in a long time paid us a visit.
The brunette woman rushes towards them but she is stoped by Gabriel who just appeared in front of her.*
Man talking to the woman: Mephisto...calm down. Otherwise thr Archangel Gabriel there, might kill you.
Claude smiles: You're not worried about me?
Man: Why should i be. I came here to talk with you. Now...if you don't mind...
Claude: Of course.
He lets go of the cane and the man regains his elegant posture.
Claude: Krishna...i'm sorry for your sword. Go to our men and repair it. You attacked the wrong guy. This one right here...is not Lucifer. Is even a bigger nightmare than that bastard.
The man laughs: Talks the biggest nightmare of us all.
Claude and he smiles: I'm glad to see you...how long has it been? 2500 years?...eh, Faust?

The panel shows Robert and the others arriving back on Earth.

Robert: So...we are back.
Suleyman: And everything went back to normal...
Max: well..normal isn't quite the term to define our situation.
Darwin: It doesn't matter. Claude will win the battle.*
Leonardo: My question is...what happens after...
Robert: We don't know yet. Let's hurry home. We must hide Arinasa.
Suleyman: You know that she won't accept it.
Max: Not so easily anyway.
Robert: I will deal with her. Anyway...she must not know the truth. Yet. Claude gave me clear instructions about this!

The scene shows Claude's chambers in the Celest City. He is sitting at a table with Faust, Mephisto and Gabriel. Claude is smoking.

Claude: Faust. And you must be Mephisto. What brings you here?
Faust smiles menacing: Your war, Vishnu.
Claude: Is not my war, Faust.*
Faust: Of course it's your war, Vishnu. You caused all of these.
Claude: Meaning?
Faust: Well...let's analyze this a little. You started this when you decided to confront Michael and overthrow him. Thus, you risked releasing your darkness ans thus the Beyonders had to step in. I heard about what happend in Istanbul. To think that the Beyonders gathered and used Axis Mundi to eliminate you.*
Claude: How did you heard about that?
Faust: Are you kidding me? Every immortal in Europe felt chills on their backs when that blast obliterated you. Everyone of us felt how much power was released. And the question that was raised it is: how did you survived that? And not only that your soul survived but it seems that your body also managed to overcome the Beyonder's wrath.
Claude: Their power is overrated.
Faust: You cannot fool me, Vishnu. No immortal could beat that. It's not about if you are an Aerhis a Duodenae or an Eären. It's simply too much for anybody. Except you.
Claude smiles : And probably you.
Faust: You know that i'm a special case.
Claude: And what's your point, Faust? That i should simply ignore the prophecy and let the gods rule the planet?
Faust: Exactly, Vishnu. And why shouldn't they rule? That's their purpose. Practically you are going against the Creator. He let them rule. He made the humans to be ruled. And you want to break that balance.
Claude: Faust...the Creator hasn't gave a sign since the Creation itself. We don't even know his status. He vanished.
Faust: Obviously you cannot assume that he is dead. There is nothing that can kill the Primordial being.
Claude: Of course. But where is he?
Faust: Nobody knows, Vishnu. Look...i know that you want to kill your brother. But grow a pair and do it yourself. Don't engage the mankind into this.
Claude: She is not just a human, Faust. You should see her.*
Faust: You're doing the same thing that you did with Robert.*
Claude: And she grew in 3 years to half of Robert's power. Imagine how powerful she will be after 100 years.
Faust: You want to drag this war that much?
Claude: Faust...let's stop this little game. Why are you here? I haven't seen you in 2500 years. More or less. And suddenly you appear at my door. I belive that you are aware of my endgame.
Faust nods his head: Aye, Vishnu...i am aware. And i belive that i'm the only one aware of your true endgame. It's quite noble what you are aiming. But you are going to sacrifice that girl.
Claude: In the end...it will be all worth it. Now tell me, Faust...why are you here?
Faust: As we are speaking...at this very moment...Lucifer is searching for a body, because he is a mere spirit.The moment he takes shape...Amaterasu will seek him. They will forge an alliance against you. Lucifer ever forgot that you and Michael threw him in Hell. They will lay siege at the gates of the City.*
Claude: I can deal with them.
Faust: Not exactly. You see, Vishnu...i know. I know that you are afraid. That you are afraid of releasing once again that darkness of yours. If you fight against both Lucifer and Amaterasu...you will end up using the darkness.*
Claude: And what do you propose?
Faust with a menacing smile: Let me deal with Lucifer!

The scene shows a man walking on the street alone. Suddenly he heards a majestic voice.

Voice: John Tonnen.*
The man falls on the ground shocked.
John: Who is this?!? Show yourself!!!
Voice: John Tonnen! You have two options here! Either you let me posses your body, either you will suffer the tortures of Hell!!!

The scene shows John Tonnen several minutes later. He gets up and clears the dust from his clothes. He is a tall man, with short blonde hair and blue eyes. He is quite handsome.


John: Well, well...finally i have found someone to contain me.
On the street another man appears. A man with Asian features and black hair, wearing an elegant black suit.
John turns around and looks at him.
John: Amaterasu. The Beyonder himself.
Amaterasu smiles: Lucifer. I see that you have found yourself a body. Welcome back to our world.
Lucifer smiles: Why are you here, Amaterasu?
Amaterasu: I have a proposition for you.*
Lucifer: And that is?
Amaterasu: We are both after the same thing. Why don't we take it together? Join our armies and go take it!
Lucifer: I know what i am after...but what are you after?
Amaterasu with a menacing glare: Vishnu's head!*

The end.

Thank you again for the support and for reading!

And Num, please bear with my Latin fail. I'm trying to improve but honestly i didn't had the time yet. And thanks for all the observations. I took the advices and started with making a writing plan and put it on paper, instead of relying on the plot that existed only in my head as i did so far.
__________________
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Nothing is true!
When other men are limited by morality and law remember:
Everything is permitted!

Quote:
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Check out the new fanfiction bloghttp://celestcity.blogspot.com

Last edited by Vishnu; 02-17-2013 at 02:06 PM.
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