Naruto Fan Fiction Thread!! - Page 94

Bazooka_Joe · 02-18-2013, 12:13 PM

Vishnu, i havent read it tho since 1st cahpters cuz i want to read it in 1 go;]
So my only question for now; How long will it take to finish it for you?

Vishnu · 02-18-2013, 03:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bazooka_Joe

Vishnu, i havent read it tho since 1st cahpters cuz i want to read it in 1 go;]
So my only question for now; How long will it take to finish it for you?

Well...quite a lot actually. There are many chapters in store. As i said when i started this: this is the story that i have wanted to write. So i've got plenty to do. The story is going to be here for a long time. Thank you for wanting to read it. It means a lot.

Numinous · 02-18-2013, 03:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vishnu

And Num, please bear with my Latin fail. I'm trying to improve but honestly i didn't had the time yet.

If you want some help with the Latin, I'm more than ready to help. Just PM me when you have doubts on it and I'll provide the Latin.

Quote:

And thanks for all the observations. I took the advices and started with making a writing plan and put it on paper, instead of relying on the plot that existed only in my head as i did so far.

Glad I could help. It really helps to write down the plot and every idea you had for it so far, so you can more concisely structure it and see how new ideas fit on it.

Now for the chapter in itself, some questions:

Is Livontes a new etymology, a misspelling of either Leontes or Levantes or a mix between the two?
So Faust is the main villain of the new pair and Mephistopheles the sideckick? Curious switch of the duo.

Overall, good return to the fray and I hope to read more from you. (And you from me

Kidding.)

Vishnu · 02-18-2013, 03:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Numinous

If you want some help with the Latin, I'm more than ready to help. Just PM me when you have doubts on it and I'll provide the Latin.

Glad I could help. It really helps to write down the plot and every idea you had for it so far, so you can more concisely structure it and see how new ideas fit on it.

Now for the chapter in itself, some questions:

Is Livontes a new etymology, a misspelling of either Leontes or Levantes or a mix between the two?
So Faust is the main villain of the new pair and Mephistopheles the sideckick? Curious switch of the duo.

Overall, good return to the fray and I hope to read more from you. (And you from me

Kidding.)

Livontes is a mix between the two. Faust and Mephisto...well about them, nothing is certain. The pair has its own agenda, different than Claude's or Lucifer's. After the battle that will take place in the City during the next chapter, Faust will reveal a bit of his history.

And thank you for the help with the latin. I will PM you when i'm done with the next chapter and require your help, whenever you have some spare time.

KiddJutsu · 03-11-2013, 12:59 PM

Lol the Latin I definitely won't speak to. I assume it is what it is. My questions are just more about the power level increases for Claude. Now he appears to be a hybrid type with a tremendous ability to over even the elite 6 Gods. So could we get like an idea where that comes from? You cleared up a lot with his brother but where those two powers derive is more my question.

Thought this was a shorter chap for you, a ton for others. I think you should start back transitioning back to the human wild cards, what their final powers will eventually look like, and their training ramping up.

KiddJutsu · 03-11-2013, 01:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Narut0360

Thanks.... you mentioned the speed of Naruto's Containment that is my fault... i feel that the pace of the chapters and action sequences are my major flaws but i'm trying to work on them

Any more thoughts from anyone?? ...... KiddJutsu i'm waiting for you assessment

First of all my man, love the latest chaps but a couple things. First, where are the other 4000 clones, prior to him dispersing, and what were they training on? Also, why no small fight scene of Naruto in sage mode against the giant twins? I mean a skirmish there would've been sweet. And really, Naruto just gets taken like that, c'mon N360. You are WAY better than that, but I trust you to clear that some. And gotta say, love the family reunion rescue. Lets see some more of that, go indepth on them.

So I enjoyed that sir! Looking fwd to more.

-Num, Weaver is next up sir

Numinous · 03-11-2013, 01:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KiddJutsu

-Num, Weaver is next up sir

I'm still waiting for your comment on the 2 chapters I released after your last comment on it. Besides, don't worry, Chapter 3 is being written as we speak.

Narut0360 · 03-21-2013, 01:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KiddJutsu

First of all my man, love the latest chaps

Glad you liked it

Quote:

Originally Posted by KiddJutsu

but a couple things. First, where are the other 4000 clones, prior to him dispersing, and what were they training on?

i was referring back to Naruto's plan on page 57 on the forum in the chapter Naruto Fan Fic Chronicles: The Lesson

Quote:

Originally Posted by KiddJutsu

Also, why no small fight scene of Naruto in sage mode against the giant twins? I mean a skirmish there would've been sweet. And really, Naruto just gets taken like that, c'mon N360. You are WAY better than that,

That hurts Kidd-J, That hurts me bad lol

Quote:

Originally Posted by KiddJutsu

but I trust you to clear that some.

Kidd-J, You Have to have more faith in me... i was just trying to bring some realism in the chapter, when Naruto first did this training with kakashi and all of his clones burst we found out that not only did he gain the knowledge from the training but exhaustion from the clones as well... So i was just keeping it true to the Naruto Universe.... So because of that Energy drain there could be No Naruto fight there.

Quote:

Originally Posted by KiddJutsu

And gotta say, love the family reunion rescue. Lets see some more of that, go indepth on them.

Kidd-J, i was worried people would hate it, another Naruto family reunion already but its a must for my story line... and i will try to go more in depth on them soon {fingers crossed} lol

Quote:

Originally Posted by KiddJutsu

So I enjoyed that sir! Looking fwd to more.

Hopefully i will have one up by the end of this weekend.... &
Thanks for your comments they always help with my continuations

Narut0360 · 03-25-2013, 05:31 PM

Continuation from page 93

Hope you all enjoy and like always I'm always appreciative of your comments, questions and thoughts Good or Bad

Thank you!

Quote:

Naruto Fan Fic Chronicles:The Banishment of the Deserving

Scene continues a few hours later the sun is beginning to set and we are still with Satoru, Sasuke, Hinata and Karin who are all sitting around a fire looking at it, as it slowly starting to burn out in complete utter silence. Just as the sun disappears from the horizon the fire suddenly doubles in size the group turns around to see Naruto with his hand pressed up to his lips with smoke coming from them. The group stunned at first smiles and Hinata loudly says

Hinata- Naruto!!

Naruto smiles and removes his hand from his lips and nods and spreads his arms wide open. Hinata jumps up and over the fire and runs over and hugs Naruto. Hinata looks up at Naruto to see he has almost a daze look
on his face like he’s looking off into the distance, Hinata quietly says

Hinata- Naruto…… are you alright?

Naruto looks down at Hinata and gazes down at her face

Naruto- I'm fine Hinata.

Sasuke from the background looking through the fire in a cocky way with that Sasuke smirk on his face blurts out!!

Sasuke- Are You sure, Naruto?…. Because it sure took them a long time to wake you up from your nap that they put you in…. Hmph

Naruto- Hardy har har , very funny Sasuke…. I’m fine

???- Just as we promised.

Hinata goes up on her tippy toes and looks over Naruto shoulder to see Ken and Shouta feet steps from the darkness into the fires light …. Hinata mouths the words thank you…. and Ken and Shouta both with large smiles upon their face, nods to Hinata…..Shouta has now one arm spread out open and his hand is doing a waving motion…. And he says

Shouta- come on lets get going son, Naruto has had a long day and he needs some rest for tomorrow.

Hinata gets off of her tippy toes and looks back up at Naruto and asks

Hinata- Tomorrow ??? What’s happening tomorrow Naruto?

Naruto looks down at Hinata with a smile that seems to be forced and eyes that seem to be sad and says

Naruto- we are going home….

Naruto Sighs and looks at Sasuke through the fire

Naruto- tomorrow morning we leave for Konoha….

Naruto squeezes Hinata in closer to his chest and kisses her on the forehead, then releases her and moves her to the side and begins to walk to the waterfall saying in a low voice

Naruto- Sorry everyone I’m exhausted… I need to rest for what’s going to be an exciting day tomorrow…

when Naruto passes Sasuke and Karin at the fire,…… Karin asks

Karin- are you sure you don’t want dinner before you go to sleep? We made ramen…

Naruto who’s head is looking downward just shakes his head and waves his hand in the air, mumbles

Naruto- I’m not hungry,….. Sasuke , Hinata get some rest we are leaving early…..

Hinata - Okay, Naruto

Sasuke just nods…Karin begins to follow Naruto to the waterfall and is mumbling

Karin- I’m tired too

Karin does a fake yawn and stretches her arms above her head

Karin-I will keep you company Naruto…

Ken in a stern voice says

Ken- no you won’t!!!

Shouta- Yes you will leave Naruto alone!

Karin- But…But, Naruto…..

Satoru- Karin you don’t want to give him nightmares do you? Hehe

Shouta- and to make sure you leave Naruto alone you will be leaving with us.

Karin- I don’t wanna…

Ken just crosses his arms and in seconds Karin says

Karin- FINE!!

Karin is now kicking dirt with every step she takes back too Ken and Shouta mumbling

Karin- why don’t I ever get to do what I wanna do?

Sasuke whispers

Sasuke- Because what you usually want to do is way too creepy for everyone else.

Karin reluctantly makes her way back to Shouta, Ken and Satoru, but quickly turns around to face Sasuke

Karin- Did I hear you correctly, Sasuke?!?...

Sasuke looks at Karin with a puzzling look and says

Sasuke- What??

Karin - You just whispered that you were willing to do something creepy with me, SASUKE??

Sasuke is now looking at Karin with his head cocked to the side in disgust

Karin- I heard you clear as day Sasuke…

Karin now has her arms wide open and is yelling at Sasuke…

Karin- SO TAKE ME SASUKE, so….SO WE CAN GET ARE CREEP ON FINALLY!!!!!

Ken from behind grabs Karin’s waist and tosses her over his shoulder and says while laughing

Ken-HEhe…HAha… he did not say anything like that!... You got to learn to listen.

Ken turns and starts to float upwards towards the balcony and yells back at Sasuke and Hinata

Ken- see you three, bright and early tomorrow.

Shouta- Satoru we should be leaving too….

They begin to float upwards when Hinata yells

Hinata- Wait !!! ….

Sasuke glances over at Hinata but then regains focus on the now hovering Shouta and Satoru who are looking down at the fidgeting Hinata

Hinata – what happened to him!?? …. What did they want with Naruto?

Shouta sighs… and Satoru looks up at his dad

Shouta – it is not my business to tell… it is one Naruto will have to tell you

Satoru looks at Hinata who is nevously nodding with her gaze focused on the ground as if she understands

Hinata – but… but he’s….He’s acting SO different…

Shouta -that is enough Hyuga girl …. Naruto is Fine, he said it himself

Hinata- But?

Shouta- ENOUGH!!

Satoru waves his dad off and says

Satoru- Dad stop, it is only natural to be worried at this point after all that has happened today!

Shouta looks at Satoru nods

Shouta- I’m sorry, please forgive my temper towards you, it’s just been a longer day than I expected… but we truly must be going… So please the two of you gets some rest and I will see you tomorrow

Hinata- yes sir.

Shouta- Satoru, lets go!

Satoru looks at Hinata and Sasuke and smiles then turns to his dad with a serious look on his face, nods and they begin to rise to the balcony…

Continues.....

Narut0360 · 03-25-2013, 05:33 PM

Continuation from page 94

Quote:

Scene cuts to us focusing on Satoru and Shouta’s conversation while on their way up to the balcony

Satoru- Dad… What happened there was bad wasn’t it?

Shouta keeps silent

Satoru- I know it was…Because you never lose your temper that quickly especially over something as simple as the question Hinata asked you.

Shouta looks down at his son who is still trailing him and with an unsettled look softly replies

Shouta- it was bad, son.

Satoru- what happened?

Shouta sighs and stops mid air and grasps his sons shoulders and says

Shouta- you mustn’t repeat this to anyone we promised Naruto, that we would keep it in the family.

Satoru nods

The scene zooms out of the conversation of Shouta and Satoru. We see Shouta’s mouth move but no sound can be heard over the rustling of the trees branches above and the crashing water from the falls below, we are only left seeing the ever changing facial expression of Satoru change from confused, sad, angry to finally his hands that are covering up an expression that no son would ever show his father shame....

We cut to the top of the balcony where Shouta and Satoru finally make it to the top to only see that they are face to face with Kiyomi who is looking down at the waterfalls.

Satoru- YOU!!

Shouta places his hands upon Satoru’s Shoulders stopping him from moving forward…... Kiyomi just ignores him and keeps her eyes locked on the falls down below

Satoru- why would you do this to Naruto of all people?!!

Kiyomi without taking her eyes off the falls says

Kiyomi- I did nothing to Naruto, his actions against our villages main rules could have brought us to ruin AGAIN, so he did this to himself.

Satoru- Did you say Our village… OUR?!!... we would not have OUR village if it was not for Naruto’s Actions… WE would still be scattered around this world without knowing what OUR village truly means and yet YOUR actions of telling the elders of Naruto’s action’s just had the one person who deserved this village ………BANISHED from IT!!!

Satoru Escapes his dads grip and quickly dashes off away from Kiyomi.…she turns and yells to Satoru.

Kiyomi- I will keep Naruto safe…. I PROMISE Satoru, he will not leave my sight.

Satoru pauses for only a moment but continues to dash ahead leaving his Dad standing with Kiyomi overlooking the banister of the balcony.

Shouta- My son is wise beyond his years and though most often he follows his heart when he should actually follow his mind… He speaks the truth on this occasion, You Kiyomi helped Banish the one person who gave OUR clan a second chance to LIVE as one clan, Under the same trees as previous generations once did…..

Shouta pushes off of the banister he was leaning on and turns and starts to walk calmly in the same direction Satoru ran off in. But Shouta pauses and looks over his shoulder at Kiyomi and says

Shouta- But Remember Kiyomi, you are not the only one who was assigned to keep watch over Naruto…..

Kiyomi who is still leaning on the banister of the balcony looks at Shouta only to see his back walking away…

Shouta- And though I do not know if your intentions for keeping Naruto Safe is for the sake of our village or for something entirely different…. I know for a fact that my brother and I will ensure the well being of Naruto so he can Someday return to a village that does not deserve to have him….

Kiyomi now with a saddened look on her face regains focus on the falls. We zoom in on the falls and the scene fades to black……….

End

To be continued

jekyl_hyde · 03-25-2013, 07:45 PM

@Narut0360

Nice chapter man. My only complaint is that it is too short. Nicely done. Get better so you can keep writing this thing man.

KiddJutsu · 03-25-2013, 10:00 PM

Agree with J_H. Entirely too short but stellar return for fanfic. I would've liked to see more of the Elder's discussion than the after talk above the waterfall. Also I feel weird about not knowing about the abilities of Kiyomi since she talked down Sasuke's EMS like it was child's play. So some expansion on her is pretty necessary. But no question a good return.

Narut0360 · 04-08-2013, 02:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jekyl_hyde

@Narut0360

Nice chapter man. My only complaint is that it is too short. Nicely done. Get better so you can keep writing this thing man.

Quote:

Originally Posted by KiddJutsu

Agree with J_H. Entirely too short but stellar return for fanfic. I would've liked to see more of the Elder's discussion than the after talk above the waterfall. Also I feel weird about not knowing about the abilities of Kiyomi since she talked down Sasuke's EMS like it was child's play. So some expansion on her is pretty necessary. But no question a good return.

Firstly
Thank You, *J_H* and *Kidd-J* for your continued support its much appreciated!!

Secondly
I absolutely agree with you that it was too short and i did plan to have it longer but i said that i would have a chapter out by that weekend and i we were arriving at a part that has alot of dialog that i did not write yet so i decided to end it short..... Although it is short i do feel it had a nice flow and i personally loved writing Shouta and Satoru's speech of Naruto and the Village to Kiyomi.

Thirdly to Kidd-J
I can understand that you would have prefered the discussion of the elders over the comic relief scene at the falls and Shouta, Satoru and Kiyomi discussion of Naruto's Banishment from the village and spoilers

but for now i was trying to keep you in suspense lol.... And speaking of suspense Kiyomi and her abilities will have to stay that way for the time being i have major plans for her in the future but i just can't reveal them to you at this moment in the plot

Lastly
I'm trying to finish the next chapter, I know how i'm starting it and i know how im ending it but i'm just stuck in the middle with the dialog but more will becoming hopefully sooner than later

Narut0360 · 04-18-2013, 02:08 AM

I should have a new one up in a couple of days..... But should i even bother?!!, i only got two comments last time about my last chapter, and though i enjoy writing them if no one is reading them what's the point....

But it seems this Fanfiction Thread is nearly dead and without the constant Flow of Material from Vishnu and Jekl_Hyde it will Happen... WHERE ARE YOU TWO ?!! this Forum needs You

We need a reboot to this forum and we need your Genius to do it!!

J-man123 · 04-18-2013, 02:38 AM

Naruto0360 u should continue writing i read ur work and there are probably others aswell. I just dont like repeating things that have been said already and generally do not post that much

02-18-2013, 12:13 PM	#1396
Bazooka_Joe Genin Join Date: May 2010 Location: Poland Posts: 78 Thanks: 610 Thanked 23 Times in 13 Posts	Re: Naruto Fan Fiction Thread!! Vishnu, i havent read it tho since 1st cahpters cuz i want to read it in 1 go;] So my only question for now; How long will it take to finish it for you?

03-11-2013, 12:59 PM	#1400
KiddJutsu Sannin Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: Texas Posts: 253 Thanks: 450 Thanked 199 Times in 145 Posts	Re: Naruto Fan Fiction Thread!! Lol the Latin I definitely won't speak to. I assume it is what it is. My questions are just more about the power level increases for Claude. Now he appears to be a hybrid type with a tremendous ability to over even the elite 6 Gods. So could we get like an idea where that comes from? You cleared up a lot with his brother but where those two powers derive is more my question. Thought this was a shorter chap for you, a ton for others. I think you should start back transitioning back to the human wild cards, what their final powers will eventually look like, and their training ramping up. __________________ Two fingas like a playa!!

03-25-2013, 07:45 PM	#1406
jekyl_hyde Hunter-Nin Join Date: Feb 2012 Posts: 1,042 Thanks: 625 Thanked 1,054 Times in 404 Posts	Re: Naruto Fan Fiction Thread!! @Narut0360 Nice chapter man. My only complaint is that it is too short. Nicely done. Get better so you can keep writing this thing man.

03-25-2013, 10:00 PM	#1407
KiddJutsu Sannin Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: Texas Posts: 253 Thanks: 450 Thanked 199 Times in 145 Posts	Re: Naruto Fan Fiction Thread!! Agree with J_H. Entirely too short but stellar return for fanfic. I would've liked to see more of the Elder's discussion than the after talk above the waterfall. Also I feel weird about not knowing about the abilities of Kiyomi since she talked down Sasuke's EMS like it was child's play. So some expansion on her is pretty necessary. But no question a good return. __________________ Two fingas like a playa!!

04-18-2013, 02:08 AM	#1409
Narut0360 Genin Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Boston Posts: 230 Thanks: 554 Thanked 316 Times in 110 Posts	Re: Naruto Fan Fiction Thread!! I should have a new one up in a couple of days..... But should i even bother?!!, i only got two comments last time about my last chapter, and though i enjoy writing them if no one is reading them what's the point.... But it seems this Fanfiction Thread is nearly dead and without the constant Flow of Material from Vishnu and Jekl_Hyde it will Happen... WHERE ARE YOU TWO ?!! this Forum needs You We need a reboot to this forum and we need your Genius to do it!! __________________ Check out my Fanfiction from the very Beginning on page "37" in Naruto Fan Fiction Thread and it continues on pages "47,49,57,61,62,63,70,71,72,90,92,93 ,94" Thank You and Enjoy

04-18-2013, 02:38 AM	#1410
J-man123 Supernova Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: England Posts: 275 Thanks: 443 Thanked 108 Times in 63 Posts	Re: Naruto Fan Fiction Thread!! Naruto0360 u should continue writing i read ur work and there are probably others aswell. I just dont like repeating things that have been said already and generally do not post that much __________________ Final Act of Marineford Zoro Ignition

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