|07-17-2008, 05:15 PM||#1|
Join Date: Jul 2008
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Tom And Tenny
It all started when our cliche, protagonistic figure, Tom, woke up in a fanstic pumpkin patch. It was the first time it had happened. Feeling exceedingly frustrated, Tom punched a dangerous oil-soaked rag, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). With fist clenched and teeth gnashed, he realized that his beloved manga was missing! Immediately he called his so-called buddy, Sebastian Bonnet. Tom had known Sebastian Bonnet for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were flamboyant ones. Sebastian Bonnet was unique. He was outgoing though sometimes a little... abrasive. Tom called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Sebastian Bonnet picked up to a very glad Tom. Sebastian Bonnet calmly assured him that most South American hissing sloths shudder before mating, yet disease-carrying chipmunks usually flamboyantly cringe *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Tom. Why was Sebastian Bonnet trying to distract Tom? Because he had snuck out from Tom's with the manga only seven days prior. It was a electric little manga... how could he resist?
It didn't take long before Tom got back to the subject at hand: his manga. Sebastian Bonnet sighed. Relunctantly, Sebastian Bonnet invited him over, assuring him they'd find the manga. Tom grabbed his whale and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Sebastian Bonnet realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the manga and he had to do it recklessly. He figured that if Tom took the wannabe go-fast Civic, he had take at least five minutes before Tom would get there. But if he took the bike? Then Sebastian Bonnet would be barely screwed.
Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Sebastian Bonnet was interrupted by eleven annoying damn racoons that were lured by his manga. Sebastian Bonnet cringed; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling angered, he aggressively reached for his potato and carefully poked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the swamp, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the bike rolling up. It was Tom.
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Egg Roll King to pick up a 12-pack of dull pencils, so he knew he was running late. With a calculated leap, Tom was out of the bike and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Sebastian Bonnet's front door. Meanwhile inside, Sebastian Bonnet was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the manga into a box of dull pencils and then slid the box behind his rhinocerus. Sebastian Bonnet was relieved but at least the manga was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Sebastian Bonnet exotically purred. With a calculated push, Tom opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some funny-smelling rationality-deprived retard in a homemade car,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Sebastian Bonnet assured him. Tom took a seat just under where Sebastian Bonnet had hidden the manga. Sebastian Bonnet grimaced trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Tom was distracted. As if it really mattered Sebastian Bonnet noticed a stupid look on Tom's face. Tom slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Sebastian Bonnet felt a stabbing pain in his love handle when Tom asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the manga right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A dimwitted look started to form on Tom's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's gerbils from when she used to have pet albino cats. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Tom nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Sebastian Bonnet could react, Tom thoughtfully lunged toward the box and opened it. The manga was plainly in view.
Tom stared at Sebastian Bonnet for what what must've been eleven days. Like a drunken sailor at happy hour, Sebastian Bonnet groped wildly in Tom's direction, clearly desperate. Tom grabbed the manga and bolted for the door. It was locked. Sebastian Bonnet let out a striking chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Tom,' he rebuked. Sebastian Bonnet always had been a little funny-smelling, so Tom knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Sebastian Bonnet did something crazy, like... start chucking ripened avocados at him or something. A few freaknasty minutes later, he gripped his manga tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Sebastian Bonnet looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Tom. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame nine days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Tom. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Sebastian Bonnet walked over to the window and looked down. Tom was gone.
Just yonder, Tom was struggling to make his way through the secret vineyard behind Sebastian Bonnet's place. Tom had severely hurt his double chin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral damn racoons suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the manga. One by one they latched on to Tom. Already weakened from his injury, Tom yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of damn racoons running off with his manga.
About seven hours later, Tom awoke, his shin throbbing. It was dark and Tom did not know where he was. Deep in the inhospitable magical cornfield, Tom was alarmingly lost. Suddenly cheered up by the Hamtaro theme song, he remembered that his manga was taken by the damn racoons. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a little damn racoon emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the alpha damn racoon. Tom opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the damn racoon sunk its teeth into Tom's shin. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Tom's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.
Less than eleven miles away, Sebastian Bonnet was entombed by anguish over the loss of the manga. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' he cried, as he reached for a sharpened dull pencil. With a deft thrust, he buried it deeply into his kidney. As the room began to fade to black, he thought about Tom... wishing he had found the courage to tell him that he loved him. But he would die alone that day. All that remained was the manga that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant damn racoons, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after. It all started when our hyphen-happy protagonist, Tom, woke up in a lemur-infested moor. It was the tenth time it had happened. Feeling really puzzled, Tom attacked a wolverine, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Before anyone could take off their pants, he realized that his beloved men was missing! Immediately he called his parole officer, Sebastian Bonnet. Tom had known Sebastian Bonnet for (plus or minus) 1.2 billion years, the majority of which were enticing ones. Sebastian Bonnet was unique. He was easygoing though sometimes a little... selfish. Tom called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Sebastian Bonnet picked up to a very glad Tom. Sebastian Bonnet calmly assured him that most Indonesian devil cats grimace before mating, yet disease-carrying chipmunks usually wildly panic *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Tom. Why was Sebastian Bonnet trying to distract Tom? Because he had snuck out from Tom's with the men only seven days prior. It was a exotic little men... how could he resist?
It didn't take long before Tom got back to the subject at hand: his men. Sebastian Bonnet belched. Relunctantly, Sebastian Bonnet invited him over, assuring him they'd find the men. Tom grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Sebastian Bonnet realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the men and he had to do it skillfully. He figured that if Tom took the tricked out go kart, he had take at least nine minutes before Tom would get there. But if he took the men? Then Sebastian Bonnet would be abundantly screwed.
Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Sebastian Bonnet was interrupted by two annoying mens that were lured by his men. Sebastian Bonnet sighed; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling concerned, he deftly reached for his gerbil and deftly deflowered every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the fanstic pumpkin patch, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the men rolling up. It was Tom.
'...What's that smell?'
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