mikhael4440

THE FIRST REPORT: Akatsuki Chronicles!
Sasuke: "So the eight tails thinks he can win, eh?"
EightTails: "Yes, now observe as I use my most powerful technique!"
Karin thinks, "Oh no! I better protect Sasuke", she runs up to Sasuke.
Sasuke: "What are you doing Karin?
Karin: "Protecting you...from UV Radiation." She applies SPF 50 Sunscreen.
The EightTails makes a series of handsigns...
EightTails: "Ninja Art: Jutsu of doom!" suddenly ominous Final Fantasy music starts playing, and the clouds all turn black with a swirling vortex in the center. The vortex sends down a ray of light.
Suigetsu: "What...could it be?"
Juugo: Maybe it's an insane asylum! Juugo runs after it, but then notices Mary Poppins is sent down.
Juugo: Pssh, I knew it was something stupid!
Sasuke: What is it senile old nanny?
Mary Poppins suddenly looks up and her eyes glow, Sasuke turns to chocolate.
Chocolate Sasuke: No! Now I will never destroy the ninja of Konoha!
Konohamaru pops up and starts saying "bother bother bother" as he bothers Sasuke.
Suigetsu: Juugo wait!
Juugo runs toward a warddrobe!
Spongebob: Come on Juugo, go ahead, Narnia's in there!
Juugo: Yay! The mystical land of joy!
Juugo jumps in but Spongebob tricks him and he falls into an interdimensional vortex.
Karin: Oh well, chocolate Sasuke looks...creamy and delicious...
Karin eats him piece by piece.
Sasuke: Karin! Stop eating me!
Karin: But you're so tasty and ravishing!
Two hours later...
Karin is overstuffed.
Karin is about to explode...
Karin: Art...is...
She blows up.
Karin: a waste of recreational activity!
Suddenly Deidara's ghost comes down and says, "no it's not, it's a BANG!"
Suigetsu: Are you done? Me and the eighttails were playing a little go fish.
Suigetsu: Got any threes?
EightTails: Go fish...
Suigetsu goes insane with anger and uses heat vision to blow up the Eighttails, but then a grand piano falls on him.
Suigetsu: I'm okay...a little dead but okay.
Grim Reaper: And don't you try bribing me like last time!
...Back at the Akatsuki camp...
Zetsu: As it seems, our newly recruited members of Akatsuki appear to have failed their designated mission to capture the eighttails and bring him back respectively to our plans.
Madara: ....NOOBS...
Pein: However, Juugo was found in the Salami dimension, I decided to use a ritual sacrificing him to revive Kakuzu.
Kisame: Uhhh...dude why? He gets hoggin' all the pretzel rods on AKATSUKI BINGO NIGHT MANNNN!
Kakuzu: I'm here you know.
Kakuzu chews on what was supposed to be Kisame's pretzel rod.
Kisame: NNNNOOOOOO!
THE SECOND REPORT: Chronicles of Naruto Part I
Naruto: Sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows, and what a wonderful...day it-
Kakuzu: WAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I have returned to wreak my revenge.
Naruto: Aww man, I just got back from a great time at Willy Wonka's chocolate factory.
Willy Wonka could be seen in the distance, behind a destroyed factory.
Willy Wonka: Yeah, and remember Naruto, don't rasengan the jawbreakers next time.
Kakuzu: Now to destroy you...
Naruto: Uhhh...first, you're pretty hungry, right?
Kakuzu: Hmm...I suppose.
Naruto remembers back to when she tried to eat butter when Sakura was around, he almost took a bite when Sakura smacked him and said, "don't eat that, it has SSSOOOO much saturated fat it's bad for you. If you do, you'll probably have a heart attack after if you eat two tons."
Naruto: How many hearts do you have again Kakuzu?
Kakuzu: Five now, why?
Naruto thinks, "hmmm, I've never been good at math..." He remembers when Sasuke TRIED to teach him multiplication, Sasuke had said, "You see, there's a 1, and a 2, the 1 is the 2's older brother but then the 1 just decides to murder the 3 and the 4. who are their parents, and kills all the other numbers in the Uchiha, I mean integer number set."
Naruto: I guess I'd better go find out! I'm going to find Hinata!
Kakuzu: Wait! Where are you going?
Naruto: Uhhh...to wax my corn, then eat my alarm clock, okay?
Kakuzu: ?
Naruto sees Hinata by the waterfall, writing in her diary.
Hinata: And I've always loved-
Naruto: Hinata! Great to see you, hey If I had two dollars, then I got five of those two, how many would I get?
Note that while she is explaining to Naruto math, Shikamaru sneaks over and steals Hinata's diary.
Shikamaru: Ooh, this is juicy info...(Why does Shikamaru need this? Find out on The Chronicles of Shikamaru!)
Hinata: And that's that!
Naruto: Thanks, Hinata, bye.
Naruto kisses her on the cheek and leaves.
Hinata then faints, Shikamaru picks up her diary.
Shikamaru: Now I'll even have time to photocopy it!
Naruto runs back to Kakuzu, who is playing Hopscotch with the Academy students holding an ice cream.
Kakuzu: I have a perfectly good explanation for this...except I can't remember.
Naruto: ? Anyway, I have a delicious banquet for you, fat free ice cream!
Kakuzu: Great! This has no butter, right, I'm very heart health conscious...
Naruto: Nope.
Naruto grins as Kakuzu devours ten tons of butter.
Kakuzu: Tasted odd, and, (HEARTBEAT: THUMP! THUMPLACK! THU! .........)
Kakuzu groans, clasping his heart and falls smack on the floor.
Naruto: YAY! I WIN!
A few hours later...
Shikamaru: Everything is set for Operation: Hinata Exposed!
Tsunade: Excellent, this is going to be fun, I haven't had anything good to bet on lately...
Kiba: Yeah, just hurry already.
Shikamaru: Shadow possession jutsu!
Hinata is possessed with the jutsu.
Hinata: Huh! What is this?
Shikamaru uses the jutsu and walks Hinata over to Naruto...
Hinata moves in forced motions.
Naruto: Is something wrong? DID YOU GET THE FLESH EATING DISEASE!?!?! OH NO!
Naruto went off running.
Naruto: GRANNY TSUNADE! GRANNY TSUNADE! HELP, HINATA'S GOT THE FLESH EATING DISEASE!
Hinata: ...Naruto.
Tsunade: Oh no! The flesh eating disease, now let's just hope Hinata isn't lying because I need to perform several extremely painful surgeries!
Hinata: B-mmmm, bu-, mmm!
The shadow bind restricts her free will.
Hinata (Robotically): Why yes, I would love some extremely painful surgery.
Tsunade: All right, this way.
Tsunade drags Hinata all the way to the hospital.
Naruto: Now where was I? I want to play bingo all of a sudden...
Zetsu suddenly appears in front of him.
Zetsu: We have Akatsuki Bingo Night...
Zetsu said this in an ominous but luring tone.
Naruto: All right! Bingo!
A stroke of lightning falls-they arrive at the Akatsuki lounge. Pein is watching educational television, Zetsu is gardening, Pein is getting annoyed because Konan got a paper cut, Kisame was drowning in the fish bowl, Suigetsu was playing rock paper curse seal with Juugo, and finally Sasuke was forcibly making out with Karin.
Naruto: This is the place, huh? I imagined a disco ball and a DJ and I always thought that Itachi would be rapping over there.
Madara: ...Now for bingo, Naruto, we usually when playing bingo, bet something spiritual, great, and possibly powerful, you know, an eraser, a television, A BIJUU, JUST AN IDEA...
Naruto: I'm outta here, hi Sasuke.
Sasuke: muffled speech
Madara: THERE IS NO ESCAPE!!!
Madara says this pointing right to the door...marked clear escape.
Naruto: YEAH...WHATEVER.
He leaves, he walks all the way back to Konoha, then sees Sakura walking by, she's holding golden slips.
Naruto: Hi Sakura, what're those?
Sakura: Uggh, jeez Naruto, don't you know? The big Neji concert is today.
Naruto: Neji has a concert?
Sakura: Duh, he has a band called "The Neji Experience".
Naruto: And I suppose Lee is there too?
Sakura: ...How should I know? Now I'm going to the beach for free water.
Naruto: You think the ocean is a good source of water? Ew, everybody knows the neighbor's toilet is the best source.
Sakura clocks him with a fist.
Sakura: ...Yeah Naruto, bye.
Naruto: I'd better go follow Sakura...
Suddenly Itachi pops up with a gun.
Itachi: Freeze! You're going downtown!
Naruto: What'd I do?
Itachi: You loitered!
Itachi shoots a stream of water.
Naruto: BUT THAT'S JUST A WATER GUN!
Itachi: Mangekyou Sharingan!
Itachi teleports Naruto to Tsukuyomi.
Naruto: NO! What are you going to do?!?!
Itachi grins as he turns on a TV, it shows the teletubbies.
Naruto: THE HORRROR! UNSPEAKABLE HORROR!
42 minutes of torture later...
Naruto: HOW ARE YOU EVEN ALIVE? SASUKE "TOOK CARE" OF YOU!
Itachi: It's called poison, drinking it is magic! Speaking of which, I'm going to poison you!
Naruto: OH NO!
Itachi: Now you must select the antidote!
Itachi disappears, and ten bottles appear.
Naruto: Oh no, which could it be?
Nine are marked "WRONG", one is marked "ANTIDOTE".
Chouji runs by while Naruto tries decide.
Chouji: Hey Naruto.
Naruto: Wha? Oh Chouji, I have something for you.
Naruto gives Chouji a pamphlet for weight watchers.
Chouji: N...ARUTO!
Steam rises out of his eyeballs, but then a cute bunny rabbit spits fire at him! Chouji runs away, the bunny chasing him.
Naruto: NOW TO THE BEACH!
A few moments later...
Naruto: Why aren't I at the beach?
Naruto's Conscience: You imbecile! Just saying to the beach won't teleport you there!
Naruto: That's it! Get out of me, you stupid conscience! I don't need you!
Naruto's Conscience: Uhh, you do need me, otherwise you'd be just pure evil.
Naruto: Whatever.
Naruto pulls his conscience out, then starts walking to the beach.
Next Time: Oh No! What will Naruto do?

Honda2009

O/_\O Now thats what I call weird.

mikhael4440

Part II
Naruto laughs maniacally.
Naruto: NOW THAT I HAVE NO CONSCIENCE, I WILL BRING MISERY TO ALL! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Shino: Hey Naruto, what are you doing?
Naruto: Shino...This town ain't big enough fer da two o' us!
Shino: Yes it is! This is Konoha!
Naruto: NOT ON MY WATCH! I SHALL RULE THIS LAND IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO!
Shino: O...kay.
Shino backs away slowly.
Naruto: I will start with you!
Naruto steals a container in Shino's pocket with a bug inside.
Shino: HEY! That's my first bug!
Naruto: Is it?
Naruto pulls out insect poison and sprays it into the air holes, the insect dies.
Shino: NOOOOO!
Shino goes off mourning.
Naruto: Hmm...who's next, Lady Tsunade! Wahahaahaahaa!
Tsunade: Oh hey Naruto, we found your conscience...in the LOST AND FOUND.
Naruto: SUFFER!
Tsunade: I'd better give you your conscience back...
Tsunade puts Naruto's conscience back.
Naruto: I'M BACK TO NORMAL! AND THAT EVIL MADE ME HEALTHY FROM ITACHI'S POISON! AND KONOHAMARU STOP EATING ME!
Konohamaru: BUT I'M SUCH A CANNIBAL I CAN'T RESIST!
40 minutes later...
Naruto: Ahh, I'm at the beach, hey there's Sakura.
Sakura is standing with Sasuke, wedding music is playing.
Naruto: HEY WHEN'D SASUKE GET BACK?
Sakura: He never did, this is a bunsin because I'VE GONE OFF THE DEEP END HAVING NOT FOUND HIM!
Naruto: So...you're marrying a bunshin of him.
Sakura: YES, got any brighter ideas?
Naruto: Well the sun is bright.
Sakura: Whatever.
Sasuke: I am Sasuke. (robotically)
Naruto: Uh huh, well I'm going to go surf on chocolate syrup.
Sakura: You do that.
Sakura: Oh and Naruto, don't forget to pickle the yalishivas for the maple syrup laptop address peacock!
Suddenly, possessed Hinata walks up to him.
Hinata: Hi Naruto, will you marry me?
Naruto: Hmmm...
Naruto looks at Sakura's wedding, all of a sudden Ino places a TV right before Sakura and turns it on.
Sakura: HEY! What's going on? I'm being sucked into the TV universe.
Ino: Change channel.
Ino changes the channel to jaws, then pauses where the screen is on the giant shark's mouth.
Sakura: AAAAHHHHHHHHH!
Ino: THAT'S WHATCHA GET FOR STEALING MY COOKIE!
Sasuke: Enemy detected, must obliterate.
Ino: Uh...oh.
A bunch of Ino screaming sounds could be heard in the distance.
Naruto: Uhhh...Sure, I'll marry you Hinata.
Shikamaru is hiding in the trees.
Shikamaru: Darn, he accepted. Better run while I still can.
Shikamaru disables shadow possession.
Hinata: I'm free from shadow possession?
Naruto: So you wanna get married or what?
Hinata: Wha-you-marry?
Hinata faints, three hours later they get married.
Chouji: I have a wedding gift Naruto!
Naruto: Great, a-used knapkin, great Chouji. I have one for you.
Naruto holds up a weight watchers pamphlet for Chouji, Chouji's head starts steaming.
Chouji: I AM NOT FFFAAAAATTTTTT!
Naruto: I know, you are obese.
Tsunade: To think that Naruto would get married.
Naruto: Hey Granny Tsunade, I need to tell you that you are an old firend of mine.
Tsunade: Thanks Naruto.
Naruto: A really OLD, the OLDEST friend I have, with such OLD age, such an OLD OLD OLD OLD OLD friend.
Tsunade punches him in the face-12 times.
Shikamaru was walking through the aisle, selling photocopies of Hinata's diary.
Hinata: Shikamaru, please don't-
Naruto: Don't worry, I'll take care of this.
Naruto dresses up as a health inspector.
Shikamaru: Can I help you.
Naruto: Uh yes, I'm a health inspector, and I've got orders to close this place down!
Shikamaru: Or what?
Naruto: You get executed.
Shikamaru: UH, RIGHT AWAY SIR!
Kiba: STOP THE WEDDING!
Hinata: Hi Kiba.
Naruto: Hrm?
Kiba: I'VE GOT PICKLED LIVER FOR HOR DEURVES!
Naruto: O...kay. Now let's get married already Hinata!
Hinata: Okay...Naruto.
After the wedding is over, Neji's concert begins, and he starts singing numa numa.
EVERYONE: YOU STINK!
Ino: Yeah, let's watch TV!
Ino turns to Jaws on TV.
Sakura: AAAH! I'm in Jaws!
A shark eats Sakura.
Ino: Poor Sakura...
Four years later...
Naruto and Hinata are at the hospital.
Naruto: And here's our fourth child, I think I'll name him...Sasuke.
His other children are Sakura, Naruto, and Kakashi.
Hinata: ...Sasuke...
Naruto: WAIT A MINUTE! WHAT ABOUT SAI?!?!
One year later...
Naruto: I now name our fifth child, Sai.
Hinata: ...
Naruto: Now to take a stroll outside with Sasuke, Naruto, Kakashi, and Sakura!
Hinata: What about Sai?
Naruto: Are you kidding? Sai was a jerk to me!
Hinata: ?
Naruto: Doo da doo doo dooo da doo doo doooo.
Itachi: FREEZE!
Naruto: Not again!
The Chronicles of Shikamaru
Shikamaru walked home one day, but noticed Sora, Donald, and Goofy on his roof holding his parents hostage.
Shikamaru: Oh brother, what a drag.
Shikamaru continues to go inside to watch television.
Mickey suddenly pops up and slashes it apart with his golden keyblade.
Shikamaru: Sigh, another drag.
Mickey: We've got your parents hostage and demand free cable!
Shikamaru: I KNOW! You had your demands nailed to every wqall of the house! By the way, have I seen you in a cartoon in the 1930's? You look familiar.
Mickey: NOOOO! YOU DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING!
Shikamaru: That's it, I'm taking care of this.
Shikamaru dials a number on a cell phone.
Shikamaru: Yeah Temari, can you come over here?
Temari: So you've finally come to your senses huh? You do love me!
Shikamaru: NO, the keyblade master and some Disney characters are holding my parents hostage.
Temari: Seriously?...This is the fourth time this week, can't they just go home.
Shikamaru: If by home you mean my Kingdom Hearts 2 PS2 Game.

mikhael4440

YOU SHOULD ALL KNOW THAT HINATA PROPOSES MARRIAGE TO NARUTO AT the END OF THE SERIES.
Sorry, I just realized I double posted.

J.A.M.D.

Do u think any one is going to read that hole thing?

ElementalNinja 19

Willy Wonka??? Random.....

__________________

Member of ~Naruto Addicts FC~

“Quando Omni Flunkus Moritati.”