Vishnu

Wait a minute...i deserved a break!

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When other men blindly follow the truth remember:
Nothing is true!
When other men are limited by morality and law remember:
Everything is permitted!

Numinous

I know I posted too little to give a real impression of the plot, but I was asking about the writing style and characterization, to see if you guys grasped what I wanted to convey or if you were confused by something.

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jekyl_hyde

I like the writing style. I mean for most of us, since we write in the graphic novel/play style, this style definitely makes it easier to read, especially for the transitions between scenes and the dialect and conversations amongst multiple people.

As far as characterization, like I stated, I'm intrigued by Jacob. As for the others, I feel like I can't come to a decent conclusion as far as the characterization, because I don't fully know what you intend for each character. I mean the flashback is what has me intrigued right now, but your intention may be to move the story's present day characters, which really weren't provided with much depth and content.

But based on your past writings, I believe you will write a good, if not great story, with minimal plot-holes (if any at all).

KiddJutsu

This will be ridiculous whenever this happens. Eagerly awaiting this.

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Two fingas like a playa!!

jericho Uzimaki

"Mission"


It has been 6 months....

We see Kakashi and Sasuke walking through an unfamiliar *forest.*

A few feet ahead is Hinata. The twi leaders of team Hinata-Sauske ate dressed in Anbu garb with their respected Clan symbols on the front right. No masks.

Kakashi is not wearing his Kage robe or hat.

Sasuke, "Hokage- Sama , why are you not wearing your robe and hat? I have been meaning to ask you."

Kakashi, "well i kinda see it as a large target when on missions like this. Going to a place where There are reports of *violence against Ninja leaders, i would rather not make it any easier for them."

Hinata, " twenty miles in front and both sides of us, seems to be thirty-six string chakras coming in!"

Sasuke, " summoning jutsu!"

Two falcons appear.

Sasuke, " you know what to do."

Falcons both nod and fly off.

Kakashi jumps back and flips into a tree, "we have company, move it!"

Just as Hinata an Sauske jump a huge squad of attackers emerge from the ground.

Sasuke, {he felt them moving, how could i have been so carless. I need to take this mire serious!} "how many?!"

Hinata landing beside Sasuke in the middle of the attackers, "twenty, all with strong chakra and the other squads are coming in really fast!"

Kakashi, " need some help?"

Sasuke, " we have his under control, Sensei!"

All the attackers are huge muscular mean with long hair of various colors. They are wearing brown pants and *lack tank top like shirts with no clan symbols visible.

Sasuke, " what are you waiting for?"

Hinata, " the others, they know we are strong and wish to over whelm us! At the rate the rest are traveling they should be here in a few moments!"

Sauske, " then lets start without them, (EMS activates) fite style ring of fire jutsu!"

A ring of fire surrounds them and puts the attackers at bay.

Attacker 1: "stupid ninja, kill them all!"

He runs through the flame heading right for *Sasuke.

Sasuke smiles, "secret jutsu: connection torture!"

As they make eye contact the leader falls in agony, as he does he grabs the nearest allu and they do they sane until i is 8 attackers creaming in pain.

Hinata takes a step towards the flames and FTG to he outside of them facing the rest of the attackers.

They all reach to there sides and pull out a short metal rod.

Hinata, {what is this, i see strange charka circulation in those *rods?}

They all suddenly change into different weapons , such as ball and chain, long bo staff, nunchuku and clubs.

Hinata is being rushed, {Naruto would thing that was cool. I think i will handle this like he would.} "Shadow clone jutsu!"

Ahe has two small modifies Uzumaki seals on either shoulder, thy both pulsate as the jutsu is activated.*

There are Hinata clones fir each attacker, they use gentle fist on the enemy then they all in unison.
"rasengan!"

All attackers are down.

The ground starts rumbling as all te squads arrive on the scene, most of them are in long trench like open , black coats. The rest have grey. They are wearing black pants white shirts. There are men and women. They have on black military hats or grey to coincide with the trench coats.*

They all have blonde hair with black streaks. On all their hips are long metal rods. Some on the right, some in the *left.*

There is one person for each huge squad that is wearing a red trench and red hat there rod is strapped to their backs.

Kakashi jumos down, " you to feel that?"

They both nod their heads.

Hinata, " ever single one of them has high chakra levels."

Sasuke, " those ones in the red have Chakra like Naruto."

Red one, "i am Amy, legion Officer.*

Red two, "i am Sam, legion Officer.

Red three, "I am Jason, Legion officer. We are all three Majors, it is our code to inform the enemy of the power they face so have a chance to surrender. *The legion officers behind is are Captains, the all command troops of their own."

Amy, "dammit in other words any of them can kick your puny ninja asses! So really just lay down and die! "

Hinata, "Sasuke."

Sasuke, " on it."

He points one finger at rhe ar right squad and the other at the far left squad.

Sam (far right), "its rude to point!"

Jason on the far left is silent.

Suddenly the two falcons cone swooping in they both open their beaks letting out a ground moving screech.

It causes an up hevel of rubble knocking the squads up and back.

Amy whose squad was not targeted, " so be it."

They begin to charge.

As he other squads get their barring they begin to charge as well.

Voices in unison, "multi shadow. Lone justu "

Suddenly Leo, Quantoz and Quantez clones appear and begin charging the legion squads.*

Leo and the twins appear right beside the Hokage and their Sensei.

Leo, " *summoning jutsu!"

A pack of three huge lions appear, he jumps atop one then they all head into the battle.

Quantiz, "sis you ready?"

Quantez, "yeah, bring them out!"*

He reaches into his over size back pack and pulls out two small dogs that have seals on their backs

They are two mini versions of great danes.

Sasuke, " watch this Sensei Hokage"

Quantez, "release!"

Thet suddenly change into huge versions of great great danes but thicker and more muscle.

Just as Any is reaching the tree veteran shinobi and the rookies are entering the battle.

A wide beam of light strikes the field everyone is shocked and a bit blinded until it stops. In it's place is two figures.

One is Ronin Uzu and the other is a tall slim yet muscular woman dressed in shirt blue Jacket with black pants and a blue beret with a golden *eagle on the pin on the front.*

All the legion stop and take a knee.

Ronin, "ninja i come with word of Naruto."

Woman, "ninja, I am Colonel Renee' we are not your enemies today. Legion, you are dismissed."

She holds up a scepter and light takes all the legion away.

As the rookies cancel their jutsu.

Leo, " disappointing."

Q twins in unison, "awww"

Kakashi, " are you 'RH' ?"

Colonol Renee', " it stands fir Renee' Hatake."

Kakashi is shocked.

Ronin, "come let's go all questions will be answered."

Scene change.*

We see Team Naruto standing at a cliff ready to fight.

Rakia, " ready?"

Eiyuu nods his head.

Hiroshi, " i'm the next Hokage after Sensei, I'm ready for anything!"

The voice of the Samurai Team leader, Sasha *Uzu, " then you'll love this!"

A huge Dragon emerges from the canyon with Sasha on its head between the horns.

Hiroshi, "shit."

Next: "enter the Shogun."

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Gamble

Joshua the Rogue

Transformers:Generations
For NaruHina fans

First Orange knuckle head ninja

The Question

ninetailedhokagesage

awesome job JU cant wait till the next one

Narut0360

Absolutely Agree, though it felt a little short to me but thats probably because i enjoyed reading it. Great read Jericho Uzimaki....
Please continue

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Check out my Fanfiction from the very Beginning on page "37" in Naruto Fan Fiction Thread and it continues on pages "47,49,57,61,62,63,70,71,72,90,92,93 ,94"

Thank You and Enjoy

KiddJutsu

Jericho - This is what we've been missing. Love how you created the Uzumaki clan away from the known ninja world and made them very supremely badass. Team Naruto looks sick and Naruto is really a beast under the disguise of a badass. I guess at this point my question is how do go forward? You have a Hatake clan bursting out of the woodwork right along with the other clans that have reemerged in your storyline. So at this point I'm in a eager wait & see mode. When's the next drop??

N-360 - I do believe you're up to bat as well sir. Very much looking forward to yours now that Sasuke & Naruto had a sparring battle royale.

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Two fingas like a playa!!

KiddJutsu

Has anybody seen Vishnu? I saw his face replace Jericho's on that milk carton. Hope he makes his way back since at the last we heard from him he jumped back into the game head first. Looking forward to him getting found.

Num - And I was hoping you'd have that clarification post out by now. J_H and I were kinda peaked even with the little vague tidbit you laid out there. Gotta have more with the original start to the story and more background on all the key heroes/villains/abilities to get some accurate feedback. But it did look good though. Hope we don't have to put flyers out with your avatar on them too. Lol

***Sorry for the double post***

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Two fingas like a playa!!

jericho Uzimaki

Jericho Fan Fiction


"Enter the Shogun"

Hiroshi is making hand signs as well as Rakia and Eiyuu. They are making them at blurring speeds as they are running along the cliff *as they are chasing the dragon with Sasha still atop its head.*

Rakia, " remember there isnirhing sharp enough to peirce its scale armour!"

Hiroshi, " we know, no let's go!"

They all yell at once, "Uzu style: borrowed jutsu, body expansion technique!"

They all grow to the size of giant Choji.

Unison, " combined jutsu, elemental capture!"*

A huge net of fire-electricity-and ice appears surrounding the dragon, they all have a hold of it, it is still moving alowly dragging them.

Sasha, " if I have to step in it wont be pretty!"

Voice from above, " Safe mode: mountain strength technique!"

Sasha, { Hiroshi, that means the other is a clone!}" do it kids!"

He thunders down on top of the dragon causing it to collapse to the ground of the canyon.

Rakia voice from in front, "Sage mode: Lady of the lake, raging waves!"

A huge tidal wave comes from no where and fills the canyon covering the Dragon.*

Eiyuu appears from no where but partially invisible, "Sage mode, " Wind *King, "ice berg winds!"

A freezing rage of wind completely freezes the canyon as Sasha jumps*out of the water just before it hits.*

The giant clones disperse.

Team Naruto stands in front of their temporary team Leader.

Sasha, "not bad. Now for it's father."

They all looked shocked.

Scene change.

Team Hinata-Sasuke, minus the Sensei,are in a giant room with a giant table that has a map on it. There are a few legion officers in there as well.*

Everyone is just waiting around waiting for something or someone.

We see several pair of feet walk in.

"attention!"

All the Legion Officers stand at attention. Team H/S all look but do not stand.

We see Sasuke, Hinata, Colonel Renee' and Kakashi dressed in a uniform much like the state Alchemist in Full metal Alchemist (google it if you don't know).*
Onstead of his leaf head band over his eye is a tinted monocle. the back of his collar has the leaf head band sowed into it.*

Leo, " Hokage, why are you dressed that way?"

Sasuke, "he is about to become a joint memeber of the legion. Not sure why."

Renee', "in order for us to fully become an allu of the leaf city and them ours, he as to go through the trials to become an officer."

Hinata, " yes and how well he does decides his rank and privileges. He he does well enough he may be high ranking!"

Kakashi, " I will do my best as will you team hinata/ Sasuke, you as well as your Sensei are to enter as well, in good spirt of unity of course."

Renee', " yes, of course they and you are not expected to do too well."

Quantoz, " no way you just said that, but because we are supposed to be on good behavior i will let it slide."

Quantez, " why do you have the sane last name as the Hokage?"*

Renee', "here in the Land of *light, just like the land of Iron and the far country Land of Steel, our people spread to your five countries and helped form alot of the clans there. Including the Hatake clan."

An officer walks on with a golden leaf on his collars, "sorry to interrupt Ma'am, but dome is ready."

Soon after we see a huge dome.

All the Genin have there Bykuringhan activated.*

Leo, " twins, you seeing all this?"

Quantoz, " yeah this place is the size of *cloud village."

Quantez, "yeah and there is strong chakra circulating on here."

Sasuke, "team, do you understand what is about to happen? When this starts everyone will be fighting to syrvive but we are not to help or hinder each other."

Kakashi, "give it your best, i am going to be just fine."

He takes off the uniform jacket to reveal black T shirt with his arms exposed showing Uzumaki seals.

Sasuke, "so your gonna use those gifts from Naruto on this huh? You must be taking this serious Sensei Hokage."

Kakashi, "yes."

He claps his hands together, and they pulsate with chakra. Then he removes the monocle to reveal..."

Leo, " Hokage Hatake of the Rinnengan wow I didn't think we would see it on this mission! Awesome!"

Quantoz, " those seals store massive amounts of chakra given to him by Naruto *Uzumaki, with those he has chakra just like the him! "

Quantez, " yeah and he can use the RG even better than the Sharinghan!"

Kakashi yells, "here they come!"

We see an army of Legion soldiers and officers heading there way.

Sasuke and the team all smile.

Scene change.*

We see an army of Samurai scattered on a field all dead.

We see a Giant mammoth, Sabertooth tiger, and a Rhino. All with someone sitting atop them.*

Man in black and red Samurai Armor atop the mammoth, "that was easier than expected."

Woman in black and purple armor, atop the Sabertooth, "you give them too much credit Mikal, these guys weren't even tough, Uzu are so pathetic."

Man on top of Rhino, " be respectful Lilandra." * he is *dressed in blue and good armor.

A voice down below, at the feet of the Mammoth, " did you do this?"

They all look down to see a man *in a sleek blue orange laced armor. It looks like a modified sleek suit of armor. *He has a long sword on his back.*

Lillandra, " Where did you come from?"

Man, " why did you do this?"

Mikal, " does it matter?"

Man removing his helmet, "you know, a few years ago I might have stood here and argued with you and demanded to know why you did this..."

We see it is Naruto with longer hair and a goatee, "but now, I agree it doesn't matter. Cause too old play kid games, you three will not get any less than what you gave them!"

Next: "trials"

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Gamble

Joshua the Rogue

Transformers:Generations
For NaruHina fans

First Orange knuckle head ninja

The Question

KiddJutsu

Jericho - this sh*t is killer sir! I love how you evolved the jutsu, created some young Sage protégés for Naruto, have Samurais dominating the scene, have Kakashi finally able to compete chakra wise with a Rinnegan no less (which must be explained hopefully), Hinata looks super tough, there's a Hatake clan now but we gotta see some abilities from them, but the bigger surprise is Sasuke seems more of an equal instead of superior.

So looking forward to that "Trials"

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Two fingas like a playa!!

Vishnu

Sorry Kiddjutsu, I had been traveling. I went on a trip to France. I will post the new chapter as soon as posible.

__________________
When other men blindly follow the truth remember:
Nothing is true!
When other men are limited by morality and law remember:
Everything is permitted!

Numinous

About backgrounds and abilities, I want the plot itself to elucidate them for you, so just wait for the chapters. About heroes/villains, I decided to not think of the characters like that. I want to present at least two sides that aren't black & white in terms of morality/personality, so things like "good guys vs bad guys" is what I really want to avoid. It's just two sides with opposing viewpoints.

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jekyl_hyde

So is this going to be Wow/Diablo meets Tom & Jerry?

Being a stay-at-home dad for now is new to me... especially all (or lack there of) the cartoons on today's cable/satellite programming.

Numinous

No, not really. Tom & Jerry is just goofy and I feel like WoW/Diablo's conflicts are more about racism and shenanigans rather than conflicting ideologies. I'd like it to be more like FF XII, where you can see where both sides have a very good point to do what they're doing, but they're also flawed, mainly in execution.

Really? Normally cable programming has channels dedicated for cartoons (well, at least here), so I'm surprised.

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