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Old 08-18-2009, 02:37 PM   #1
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Dear Target, eat my asshole

Today at Target, I got into a fight. Physical fight.

I was lurking around the computer accessory area, trying my best to not buy everything I saw. The way this area is set up is almost like a maze. Indeed, I'm pretty sure I found the remains of Jimmy Hoffa somewhere around the DVDs. Anyhoo, as I'm browsing I overhear an employee helping another person just around the corner. After they finish, I hear the employee's voice say, "Stupid fucking sand-nigger." Being curious at this blatant racism, I turn the corner casually to see that the employee was somewhere around the age of 16-18 and was rocking the emo-hair harder than any college ska band.

I walked up to him and said, "Hey man, I heard what you said. You really shouldn't go around insulting customers." He turns and make a bullshit apology that I could tell was only because he had been caught. He gives me his best Target Corporate shit-eating grin and I walk on. That's when I hear, "Fucking cocksucker."

I turn and it's the same guy doing his best to look nonchalant. It was definitely him that said it so I walk over again and ask him if he has something to say to me. He says no and AGAIN I walk away. This time I hear, "Faggot." I've been patient enough.

I turn on him and ask him what his problem is. He stares at me and says nothing. I give him the finger. AND THEN HE FUCKING TACKLES ME! I roll him off me and pin him, feeling awesome for being better than this little shit. And in a cast, no less! ...And then management comes.

I'm now in the back room at Target explaining what happened to three different people. The kid denies that anything happened the way I claim it to have occurred. I tell them to check all the video camera footage as proof. That's when they tell me that the cameras are there for show and don't actually record anything.

What? WHAT? ...Oh, fuck. At this point, I'm pretty sure I am gunna go to jail for aggravated assault. What happens next? TO BE CONTINUED WHEN I GET THE MOTIVATION!
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Old 08-18-2009, 02:42 PM   #2
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Re: Dear Target, eat my asshole

Now we all know where to shoplift.

Too bad no one saw, witnesses are handy.

Last edited by Mal; 08-18-2009 at 02:43 PM.
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Old 08-18-2009, 03:01 PM   #3
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Re: Dear Target, eat my asshole

You should tell anyone who cares to listen that Target's cameras aren't recording anything. Y'know, call them on that claim.
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Old 08-18-2009, 03:08 PM   #4
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Re: Dear Target, eat my asshole

manly <3
i will no longer mutter mean names about customers anymore
i don't want to be restrained by an angry man.
wait
yes i do
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Old 08-18-2009, 03:14 PM   #5
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Re: Dear Target, eat my asshole

You should have used the cast to hit him.
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Old 08-18-2009, 04:49 PM   #6
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Re: Dear Target, eat my asshole

Quote:
Originally Posted by DarkAztek View Post
Today at Target, I got into a fight. Physical fight.

I was lurking around the computer accessory area, trying my best to not buy everything I saw. The way this area is set up is almost like a maze. Indeed, I'm pretty sure I found the remains of Jimmy Hoffa somewhere around the DVDs. Anyhoo, as I'm browsing I overhear an employee helping another person just around the corner. After they finish, I hear the employee's voice say, "Stupid fucking sand-nigger." Being curious at this blatant racism, I turn the corner casually to see that the employee was somewhere around the age of 16-18 and was rocking the emo-hair harder than any college ska band.

I walked up to him and said, "Hey man, I heard what you said. You really shouldn't go around insulting customers." He turns and make a bullshit apology that I could tell was only because he had been caught. He gives me his best Target Corporate shit-eating grin and I walk on. That's when I hear, "Fucking cocksucker."

I turn and it's the same guy doing his best to look nonchalant. It was definitely him that said it so I walk over again and ask him if he has something to say to me. He says no and AGAIN I walk away. This time I hear, "Faggot." I've been patient enough.

I turn on him and ask him what his problem is. He stares at me and says nothing. I give him the finger. AND THEN HE FUCKING TACKLES ME! I roll him off me and pin him, feeling awesome for being better than this little shit. And in a cast, no less! ...And then management comes.

I'm now in the back room at Target explaining what happened to three different people. The kid denies that anything happened the way I claim it to have occurred. I tell them to check all the video camera footage as proof. That's when they tell me that the cameras are there for show and don't actually record anything.

What? WHAT? ...Oh, fuck. At this point, I'm pretty sure I am gunna go to jail for aggravated assault. What happens next? TO BE CONTINUED WHEN I GET THE MOTIVATION!
If they send you to jail then that is pretty fucking retarded. One look at the kid should tell them that he has got a bit of an attitude anyways.

Bolded the parts where I laughed the hardest. The whole thing was funny though.

BTW, successful troll was successful.
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Old 08-18-2009, 05:07 PM   #7
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Re: Dear Target, eat my asshole

Quote:
Originally Posted by DarkAztek View Post
Today at Target, I got into a fight. Physical fight.
That's all I had to read to scroll down and thank this post for being AWESOME!
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Old 08-18-2009, 05:47 PM   #8
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Re: Dear Target, eat my asshole

Wow. What a dick.

Wasn't there anyone watching that could've been used as a witness or something? Because I mean, the employee tackled you first, right? You would think he would be more at fault here.
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Old 08-18-2009, 05:48 PM   #9
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Re: Dear Target, eat my asshole

Yeah, "completely" would certainly fall into the category of "more".
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Old 08-18-2009, 05:53 PM   #10
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Re: Dear Target, eat my asshole

What you should tell them is that you will tell all your friends about this event along with the issue of the cameras.
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Old 08-18-2009, 06:12 PM   #11
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Re: Dear Target, eat my asshole

I can't quite get over them saying the cameras are useless. Best way to get back would be robbing them blind. Or getting someone else to. Because I say that, but I'd be too much of an moral upstanding citizen/pussy to do that myself.
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Old 08-18-2009, 06:14 PM   #12
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Re: Dear Target, eat my asshole

I'd do it, but Target products are shit.
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Old 08-18-2009, 06:46 PM   #13
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Re: Dear Target, eat my asshole

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaxon View Post
I can't quite get over them saying the cameras are useless. Best way to get back would be robbing them blind. Or getting someone else to. Because I say that, but I'd be too much of an moral upstanding citizen/pussy to do that myself.
You could always create fake bar codes that ring up a similar but much less expensive product and choose the most dumbass looking cashier. That way you're paying for it, so it's not really stealing.





They also may very well have lied about the cameras being for show. Perhaps Target is thinking you'll think you have nothing, then they'll do nothing and you'll forget about it, thinking you got away, so that they don't get labeled as a racist company because everyone always blows race issues completely out of proportion.

Last edited by Mal; 08-18-2009 at 06:49 PM.
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Old 08-18-2009, 06:48 PM   #14
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Re: Dear Target, eat my asshole

Yeah, but you could do that and get away with it if they had working cameras. A simple after-hours robbery would exploit their cheapskate ways.
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Old 08-18-2009, 06:51 PM   #15
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Re: Dear Target, eat my asshole

But then that's stealing. And in the event that you got caught, you could say you had no idea how that fake barcode got on there, and they couldn't provide any video evidence of you having done it.
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