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Old 09-14-2009, 01:06 PM   #16
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Re: Hilarious, jokes & statements

COME ON GUYS
HIS NAME IS NARUTO_NUTTY
HES OBVS EITHER CRAZY FUNNY
OR LIKES MEN
AFTER SEEING THIS THREAD
ID GO WITH THE LATER

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Old 09-14-2009, 02:37 PM   #17
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Re: Hilarious, jokes & statements

Good stuff guys joke on me, but seriously can you some of your material up here and not go way off topic, why is it always just yous few that try and ruins threads and label ppl sad and lonely, now I could go on and on, but THE TRUE LONERS who pick every opportunity they get to label others, hi m8s just sit back and look at the numerous times you guys have done that, now read this bit carefully;

(No names have been used, so plz don't think this is directed at you )
You guys are sitting at home, work etc, playing with your nuts and switching between tabs on Mozilla, which contains either pr0n and this forum, while scouting out threads like these and lookin for someone to irritate, the whole reason you're in this forum in first place is to discuss Naruto and whatnot. So with that being said LONERSSS and you may call yrself whateva pleases you, remember that you don't have to post here if you hate the thread so damn much, me personally posted here becoz, I've got my jokes to tell and i'm always up for a good one.

Here are some long bar jokes, none of them are my own, so some of them are probably yours or very popular!!!

A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a few more he needs to go to the can. He doesn't want anyone to steal his drink so he puts a sign on it saying, "I spat in this beer, do not drink!". After a few minutes he returns and there is another sign next to his beer saying, "So did I!"



A man limps into a bar with a cane and alligator. The bartender stops him and says "Hold on a second here - you can't bring that animal in here, they aren't allowed!" So the man says, "But my gator here does a really cool trick..."

The bartender says "Well then, lets see!" So the man whips out his dick and shoves it in the gators mouth. He then takes his cane and starts bashing the gator in the head with it. A crowd gathers around and everyone is astonished when he pulls out his dick without a single scratch.

He looks around at the crowd and says, "Does anyone else want to try?" An old lady raises her hand and says..."Sure, but don't hit me with that stick."


This bartender is in a bar, when this really hot chick walks up and says in a sexy seductive voice, "May I please speak to your manager?" He says, "Not right now, is there anything I can help you with?" She replies, "I don't know if your the man to talk to...its kind of personal..." Thinking he might get lucky, he goes, "I'm pretty sure I can handle your problem, miss." She then looks at him with a smile, and puts two of her fingers in his mouth...and he begins sucking them, thinking "I'm in!!!" She goes, "Can you give the manager something for me?" The bartender nods...yes. "Tell him there's no toilet paper in the ladies restroom."




A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey starts jumping all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them,then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.

The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" The guy says, "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!" says the bartender. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He eats everything in sight, the little twerp. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves. Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again.

While the man is drinking, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" "Now what?" asks the patron. "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!" says the barkeeper.

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures everything first!"


A new guy in town walks into a bar and reads a sign that hangs over the bar... FREE BEER! FREE BEER FOR THE PERSON WHO CAN PASS THE TEST! So the guy asks the bartender what the test is.

Bartender replies "Well, first you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila, the WHOLE thing at once and you can't make a face while doing it. Second, there's a 'gator out back with a sore tooth...you have to remove it with your bare hands. Third, there's a woman up-stairs who's never had an orgasm. You gotta make things right for her." The guy says, "Well, as much as I would love free beer, I won't do it. You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila and then get crazier from there.

Well, as time goes on and the man drinks a few, he asks, "Wherez zat teeqeelah?"

He grabs the gallon of tequilla with both hands, and downs it with a big slurp and tears streaming down his face. Next, he staggers out back and soon all the people inside hear the most frightening roaring and thumping, then silence. The man staggers back into the bar, his shirt ripped and big scratches all over his body.

"Now" he says "Where's that woman with the sore tooth?"


An Irish man walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and notices he has a steering wheel stuck down the front of his pants. "Hey," he says, "What's with the steering wheel down your pants?" "Ach," says the Irish man, "it's drivin' me nuts!"

Two old drunks in a bar. The first one says, "Ya know, when I was 30 and got a hard-on, I couldn't bend it with either of my hands. By the time I was 40, I could bend it about 10 degrees if I tried really hard. "By the time I was 50, I could bend it about 20 degrees, no problem. I'm gonna be 60 next week, and now I can almost bend it in half with just one hand" "So," says the second drunk, "what's your point?" "Well," says the first, "I'm just wondering how much stronger I'm gonna get!"
__________________
Which of these would you take home

Here is Aizen Advert for recruiting Vasto Lordes because I can't imagine how else he does it.

Becoming a Vasto Lorde does have its privileges, e.g you get to choose which meal you want today from a menu of hollows (big and small), adjucha, humans and the main course Shinigami's, but wait it's doesnt end there if you rip your mask off, you get the ultra special form of ARRANCAR, this baby comes with special Shinigami powers, extra powerful moves, like Grand-ray Cero and the extremely rare Zanpakuto. So sign up today, offer ends 31st Dec, terms and conditions apply. Please see Gin or Tosen for any further more details.





Here is a link to the sexiest thread ever

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Old 09-14-2009, 02:56 PM   #18
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Re: Hilarious, jokes & statements

Quote:
Originally Posted by naruto_nutty View Post
Good stuff guys joke on me, but seriously can you some of your material up here and not go way off topic, why is it always just yous few that try and ruins threads and label ppl sad and lonely, now I could go on and on, but THE TRUE LONERS who pick every opportunity they get to label others, hi m8s just sit back and look at the numerous times you guys have done that, now read this bit carefully;

(No names have been used, so plz don't think this is directed at you )
You guys are sitting at home, work etc, playing with your nuts and switching between tabs on Mozilla, which contains either pr0n and this forum, while scouting out threads like these and lookin for someone to irritate, the whole reason you're in this forum in first place is to discuss Naruto and whatnot. So with that being said LONERSSS and you may call yrself whateva pleases you, remember that you don't have to post here if you hate the thread so damn much, me personally posted here becoz, I've got my jokes to tell and i'm always up for a good one.

O LORD
LULZ


ANYWAY IM TAKING THIS THREA AND
TURNING IT INTO A
DEBATE OF THE BEST SYRUP

IM GOING WITH BLUEBERRY SYRUP
ITS DELISCIOUS

cpas
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Old 09-14-2009, 03:06 PM   #19
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Re: Hilarious, jokes & statements

u actually read that m8, more loner than I thought.

Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.^^^^ This totally applys to you m8!!!

BOT; Here are a few statement just like the above;

God is real, unless declared integer
2. Before borrowing money from a friend, decide whether you need more.
3. Death is hereditary.
4. There are three sides to every argument: your side, my side and the right side.
5. An expert is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.
6. Many things can be preserved in alcohol. Dignity is not one of them.
7. Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.
8. When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.
9. Cheer up, the worst is yet to come .
10. Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
11. Well done is better than well said .
12. Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make them when nobody is looking.
13. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
14. If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.
15. Where there's a will there are five hundred relatives.
16. Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die
__________________
Which of these would you take home

Here is Aizen Advert for recruiting Vasto Lordes because I can't imagine how else he does it.

Becoming a Vasto Lorde does have its privileges, e.g you get to choose which meal you want today from a menu of hollows (big and small), adjucha, humans and the main course Shinigami's, but wait it's doesnt end there if you rip your mask off, you get the ultra special form of ARRANCAR, this baby comes with special Shinigami powers, extra powerful moves, like Grand-ray Cero and the extremely rare Zanpakuto. So sign up today, offer ends 31st Dec, terms and conditions apply. Please see Gin or Tosen for any further more details.





Here is a link to the sexiest thread ever

(Visiting my Profile may cause Epileptic Fit/Raucous Laughter)
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Old 09-14-2009, 03:12 PM   #20
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Re: Hilarious, jokes & statements

yeah m8. ur such a LONERZZZZZ

Also, those aren't even jokes. You're just posting proverbs or some shit now.
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Old 09-14-2009, 03:13 PM   #21
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Re: Hilarious, jokes & statements

Quote:
Originally Posted by Miburo View Post
yeah m8. ur such a LONERZZZZZ

Also, those aren't even jokes. You're just posting proverbs or some shit now.
THIS IS A SYRUP DISSCUSION NOW

CHOOSE WISELY

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Old 09-14-2009, 03:15 PM   #22
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Re: Hilarious, jokes & statements

Blackberry syrup.
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Old 09-14-2009, 03:18 PM   #23
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Re: Hilarious, jokes & statements

Quote:
Originally Posted by Miburo View Post
yeah m8. ur such a LONERZZZZZ

Also, those aren't even jokes. You're just posting proverbs or some shit now.
Good point, there about the proverbs, but I think this would fall under statements aswell!!!

Don't you guys have any good jokes or quirky statements to share.???

Even shit like these;

Why did the tomato blush?
Because he saw the salad dressing
... even shit like that could suffice, i'm just trying to increase my joke book, got a stand-up to do soon, that should be a laugh...
__________________
Which of these would you take home

Here is Aizen Advert for recruiting Vasto Lordes because I can't imagine how else he does it.

Becoming a Vasto Lorde does have its privileges, e.g you get to choose which meal you want today from a menu of hollows (big and small), adjucha, humans and the main course Shinigami's, but wait it's doesnt end there if you rip your mask off, you get the ultra special form of ARRANCAR, this baby comes with special Shinigami powers, extra powerful moves, like Grand-ray Cero and the extremely rare Zanpakuto. So sign up today, offer ends 31st Dec, terms and conditions apply. Please see Gin or Tosen for any further more details.





Here is a link to the sexiest thread ever

(Visiting my Profile may cause Epileptic Fit/Raucous Laughter)
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Old 09-14-2009, 03:18 PM   #24
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Re: Hilarious, jokes & statements

Maple here. Tried and true. Never fails me.
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Old 09-14-2009, 03:25 PM   #25
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Re: Hilarious, jokes & statements

Coconut and vanilla are also pretty awesome.
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Old 09-14-2009, 03:26 PM   #26
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Re: Hilarious, jokes & statements

^ WHAT ARE THESE CRAZY
FLAVORS YOU ARE SPEAKIN OF

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shrike View Post
Blackberry syrup.
NEVER HAD THAT BEFORE

Quote:
Originally Posted by Miburo View Post
Maple here. Tried and true. Never fails me.
THIS IS VERY TRUE

BUT EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE
YOU GOTTA GO WITH THAT
NICE SWEET TASTE MIXED WITH
THE HINT OF BLUEBERRY DELISCIOUSNESS

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Old 09-14-2009, 03:32 PM   #27
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Re: Hilarious, jokes & statements

Never heard of vanilla syrup. That could be good.

You guys putting this on pancakes or waffles? I usually just make pancakes since I don't have a waffle iron thinger. Never used anything besides maple syrup. I might go out and get some blueberry shit and give it a go.
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Old 09-14-2009, 03:35 PM   #28
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Re: Hilarious, jokes & statements

WHEN I EAT PANCAKES I EAT THEM PLAIN
LIKE RIGHT OFF THE PAN
NO BUTTER
NO SYRUP

I ONLY EAT THIS SYRUP ON WAFFLES
WHEN IM AT IHOP OR
A DINER I DOTN HAVE
A WAFFLE IRON AT HOME EITEHR

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Old 09-14-2009, 03:45 PM   #29
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Re: Hilarious, jokes & statements

Never tried putting it on a pancake, I mostly eat pancakes with chocolate cream, particularly 'Eurokrem' in Serbia.

Quote:
Nutella - Ingredients, Eurokrem and Cipiripi are both chocolate creams produced in Serbia by the factories Takovo and Cipiripi with the Italian licence. They are made in two halfs ( one half is white and it doesn't have cocoa as an ingredient, the other part is standard chocolate cream ), both halfs have hazelnut. In Serbia this kind of cream is called universaly "Eurokrem"
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Old 09-14-2009, 03:46 PM   #30
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Re: Hilarious, jokes & statements

I'm usually too lazy to put butter on, but no syrup on pancakes? Damn.

And fuck, waffle irons are pretty expensive ($50 bucks is pretty expensive). But some of them can be used to make grilled sandwiches, which could be pretty awesome. Hmmm.


Edit: Serbians are weird. =D
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