The Day the Penis asked for a Raise

Gansta_Ninja · 11-01-2009, 04:44 AM

The Day the Penis asked for a Raise

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

I do physical labor.
I work at great depths.
I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
I work in a damp environment.
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

Sincerely,
P. Niss

The Response

Dear Penis:

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
You do not work 8 hours straight.
You fall asleep after brief work periods.
You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.
You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the
correct protective clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task.

And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.

Sincerely,
V. Gina

DarkAztek · 11-01-2009, 11:14 AM

Seriously? I'm pretty sure I got this in a chain email back when Hotmail was the new, hip thing.

Vanity · 11-01-2009, 11:35 AM

Hotmail was hip? D:

RNB · 11-01-2009, 11:49 AM

I never liked hotmail. I was a believer in yahoo until Gmail came out. Now Yahoo tries to make their site look good with all of those graphics that are completely useless. Now I am a firm believer in the simple Gmail.

Vanity · 11-01-2009, 11:54 AM

Yahoo is ugly and makes me want to punch people in the larynx =/

Jaxon · 11-01-2009, 11:58 AM

Gmail since '05 dawg.

**Miburo** · 11-01-2009, 12:19 PM

Pretty much what RNB said for me. Only reason I still use my yahoo one now is because I don't feel like giving out my new email address to all the people I deal with.

**Mal** · 11-01-2009, 03:03 PM

I didn't get a Yahoo account until years after I got my Gmail account. The only reason I even have it is because of Flickr. I wish Google had bought Flickr instead of Yahoo.

Tabris · 11-01-2009, 06:26 PM

never had yahoo. i have an MSN account, the same one i've had since i was 8 or 9.
my only other one is Gmail
I wuv you Gmail

Freshgrease · 11-01-2009, 07:07 PM

I remember the days of Gmail invites, and selling them on ebay. Good times.

Jaxon · 11-01-2009, 07:48 PM

Yeah, Gmail invites, those were the days. My MSN e-mail is from my first Gmail account, back from when I got invited.

kluang · 11-02-2009, 07:24 AM

Tsunami!! · 11-10-2009, 01:53 AM

Still using Yahoo! Classic. It's the only way to roll.

Vanity · 11-10-2009, 02:01 AM

Except when you have gmail. Then it's just silly.

Tsunami!! · 11-10-2009, 02:04 AM

Of course. But silly me, I don't have gmail. Gunna stick with yahoo classic.

11-01-2009, 04:44 AM	#1
Gansta_Ninja Genin Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 53 Thanks: 2 Thanked 7 Times in 6 Posts	The Day the Penis asked for a Raise The Day the Penis asked for a Raise I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons: I do physical labor. I work at great depths. I plunge headfirst into everything I do. I do not get weekends or public holidays off. I work in a damp environment. I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation. I work in high temperatures. My work exposes me to contagious diseases. Sincerely, P. Niss The Response Dear Penis: After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons: You do not work 8 hours straight. You fall asleep after brief work periods. You do not always follow the orders of the management team. You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations. You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working. You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift. You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing. You will retire well before you are 65. You are unable to work double shifts. You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task. And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags. Sincerely, V. Gina __________________

11-01-2009, 11:14 AM	#2
DarkAztek Sand Man Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Massachusetts Age: 30 Posts: 3,324 Thanks: 64 Thanked 583 Times in 190 Posts	Re: The Day the Penis asked for a Raise Seriously? I'm pretty sure I got this in a chain email back when Hotmail was the new, hip thing. __________________ [CENTER] Nam Myōhō Renge Kyō[/CENTER] [CENTER] [IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v293/HookerBodyShots/shark.jpg[/IMG][/CENTER] [center][b]Filler content[/b][/center]

11-01-2009, 11:35 AM	#3
Vanity Succumb Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 976 Thanks: 3,432 Thanked 5,983 Times in 2,238 Posts	Re: The Day the Penis asked for a Raise Hotmail was hip? D: __________________ My nerves are bad to-night. Yes, bad. Stay with me. Speak to me. Why do you never speak? Speak. What are you thinking of? What thinking? What? I never know what you are thinking. Think.

11-01-2009, 11:49 AM	#4
RNB El Topo Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Pennsylvania Age: 20 Posts: 1,169 Thanks: 3,294 Thanked 1,887 Times in 822 Posts	Re: The Day the Penis asked for a Raise I never liked hotmail. I was a believer in yahoo until Gmail came out. Now Yahoo tries to make their site look good with all of those graphics that are completely useless. Now I am a firm believer in the simple Gmail. __________________ "Nature loves to be hidden." - Heraclitus

11-01-2009, 11:54 AM	#5
Vanity Succumb Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 976 Thanks: 3,432 Thanked 5,983 Times in 2,238 Posts	Re: The Day the Penis asked for a Raise Yahoo is ugly and makes me want to punch people in the larynx =/ __________________ My nerves are bad to-night. Yes, bad. Stay with me. Speak to me. Why do you never speak? Speak. What are you thinking of? What thinking? What? I never know what you are thinking. Think.

11-01-2009, 11:58 AM	#6
Jaxon Groovy. Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 4,393 Thanks: 3,598 Thanked 12,490 Times in 3,671 Posts	Re: The Day the Penis asked for a Raise Gmail since '05 dawg.

11-01-2009, 12:19 PM	#7
Miburo Deos Fortioribus Adesse Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Valhalla Posts: 3,543 Thanks: 34,417 Thanked 17,643 Times in 5,442 Posts	Re: The Day the Penis asked for a Raise Pretty much what RNB said for me. Only reason I still use my yahoo one now is because I don't feel like giving out my new email address to all the people I deal with.

11-01-2009, 03:03 PM	#8
Mal Scotch Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 3,102 Thanks: 12,874 Thanked 10,827 Times in 3,841 Posts	Re: The Day the Penis asked for a Raise I didn't get a Yahoo account until years after I got my Gmail account. The only reason I even have it is because of Flickr. I wish Google had bought Flickr instead of Yahoo.

11-01-2009, 06:26 PM	#9
Tabris Sexy Lady Join Date: May 2005 Location: in a box, out side your house, with binoculars. Posts: 778 Thanks: 5,540 Thanked 4,286 Times in 1,950 Posts	Re: The Day the Penis asked for a Raise never had yahoo. i have an MSN account, the same one i've had since i was 8 or 9. my only other one is Gmail I wuv you Gmail __________________ C&H FTW official co-owner of the digimon fan club!

11-01-2009, 07:07 PM	#10
Freshgrease ▂▅▇█▓▒░◕‿‿◕░▒▓█▇▅▂ Join Date: Feb 2005 Age: 25 Posts: 4,112 Thanks: 1,489 Thanked 1,005 Times in 546 Posts	Re: The Day the Penis asked for a Raise I remember the days of Gmail invites, and selling them on ebay. Good times. __________________

11-01-2009, 07:48 PM	#11
Jaxon Groovy. Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 4,393 Thanks: 3,598 Thanked 12,490 Times in 3,671 Posts	Re: The Day the Penis asked for a Raise Yeah, Gmail invites, those were the days. My MSN e-mail is from my first Gmail account, back from when I got invited.

11-02-2009, 07:24 AM	#12
kluang One Punch Man Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 6,420 Thanks: 3,186 Thanked 4,664 Times in 2,102 Posts	Re: The Day the Penis asked for a Raise Yahoo! Select category: FTP \| Sex \| Wrath \| Spoons \| Plunger \| Bitches \| Pride \| Greed If this is their catogery I will go for yahoo __________________ To err is human, to forgive, divine. Humans aren't machines... they have souls, feelings. They live, they die, they love, they hate... And yes, they even make mistakes..... When kluang finds you creepy and wrong then you are beyond horrible. He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster. And when you gaze long into an abyss the abyss also gazes into you. Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe. Quis custodiet ipsos custodes? Being Malaysian is about driving in a German car to an Indian restaurant for an Indonesian food, then travelling home, grabbing a Pakistani kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV. Because we have no originality.

11-10-2009, 01:53 AM	#13
Tsunami!! Introvert Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 6 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: The Day the Penis asked for a Raise Still using Yahoo! Classic. It's the only way to roll. __________________ "I thought what I'd do was, I'd pretend I was one of those deaf-mutes. That way I wouldn't have to have any goddamn stupid useless conversations with anybody. If anybody wanted to tell me something they'd have to write it on a piece of paper and shove it over to me. They'd get bored as hell doing that after a while, and then I'd be through with having conversations for the rest of my life". -Catcher in the Rye, J. D. Salinger

11-10-2009, 02:01 AM	#14
Vanity Succumb Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 976 Thanks: 3,432 Thanked 5,983 Times in 2,238 Posts	Re: The Day the Penis asked for a Raise Except when you have gmail. Then it's just silly. __________________ My nerves are bad to-night. Yes, bad. Stay with me. Speak to me. Why do you never speak? Speak. What are you thinking of? What thinking? What? I never know what you are thinking. Think.

11-10-2009, 02:04 AM	#15
Tsunami!! Introvert Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 6 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: The Day the Penis asked for a Raise Of course. But silly me, I don't have gmail. Gunna stick with yahoo classic. __________________ "I thought what I'd do was, I'd pretend I was one of those deaf-mutes. That way I wouldn't have to have any goddamn stupid useless conversations with anybody. If anybody wanted to tell me something they'd have to write it on a piece of paper and shove it over to me. They'd get bored as hell doing that after a while, and then I'd be through with having conversations for the rest of my life". -Catcher in the Rye, J. D. Salinger

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