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Old 06-02-2010, 07:51 PM   #1
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The Jokes Thread

Post your best jokes here remember, no racism or anything of that sort (well extreme anyway)

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend awake. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?" Holmes questioned.

Watson pondered for a minute: "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets,” he said: “Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: "Watson, you idiot. It tells me that someone has stolen our tent!"
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Old 06-02-2010, 08:19 PM   #2
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Re: The Jokes Thread

What do you call a Mexican who loses his car?

Carlose!

~

Three strings walked into a bar and asked for three beers, but the bartender replied, "Sorry fellas, we don't serve string here." and pointed at the "NO STRING" sign on the wall. So the three strings walked into another bar and ordered three beers, but the bartender pointed at the sign on the wall and said "Can't you read? We don't serve strings here!" So the strings went outside and one of them asked the others, "Man, no bar serves string! What are we gonna do?!" So the other string said "Chill for a sec, I got an idea..." He took the top of his head and unraveled it a bit, then walked into a third "No STRING" bar. "Hey, can you get me a beer?" The bartender replied, "Well, aren't you a string?" Then the string said,

"No, I'm afraid not."

I have many more just don't feel like posting them...
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Old 06-06-2010, 05:52 AM   #3
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Re: The Jokes Thread

What did one wall say to the other?

Fucking Mexicans.
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Old 06-11-2010, 04:12 PM   #4
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Re: The Jokes Thread

  • Q: What's the difference between an egg and an elephant?
    A: Give up? Well, I guess we won't be sending YOU to the store
  • Q: What's the difference between an African elephant and an Indian elephant?
    A: Several thousand miles
  • Q: Three potatoes are standing on a street corner. Which one is the prostitute?
    A: The one that says Idaho
  • Q: How can you tell if there's an elephant under your bed?
    A: the ceiling's reeeeeeeally close
  • Q: Why are elephants so wrinkled?
    A: 'Cause they're really hard to iron

I'll post more as I think of them...
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Old 06-11-2010, 04:24 PM   #5
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Re: The Jokes Thread

...Do you have an elephant obsession?
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Old 06-11-2010, 05:09 PM   #6
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Re: The Jokes Thread

Nah, not really... just a horrible memory. those were the few jokes I could come up with on hte spot.
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