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Old 06-29-2005, 03:38 AM   #1
ian_mizan
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Do u have any jokes to share with?

if u have joke to share with, post here...i have a very funny story to tell u...

Reasons why I never visit my rich friend

Once while visiting my very rich friend, the maid approached me and asked.....

Question : "What would you like to have ..Fruit juice, Soda, Tea,Chocolate, Capuccino, Frapuccino,or Coffee?"
Answer: " Tea please"
Q : " Ceylon tea, Indian tea, Herbal tea,Bush tea, Honey bushtea,Iced tea or green tea ?"
A : "Ceylon tea "
Q : "How would you like it ? black or white ?
A : "white"
Q : "Milk, or fresh cream?
A : "With milk "
Q : "Goat's milk, or cow's milk"
A : "With cow's milk please.
Q : " Freezeland cow or Afrikaner cow?"
A : " Um, I'll just take it black. "
Q : " Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey?"
A : "With sugar"
Q : " Beet sugar or cane sugar?"
A : "Cane sugar "
Q :" White, brown or yellow sugar?"
A : "Forget about the tea, just give me a glass of water instead."
Q : "Mineral water, tap water or distilled water? "
A : "Mineral water"
Q : "Flavored or non-flavored ?"
A : "I think I'll just die of thirst
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Old 06-29-2005, 04:25 AM   #2
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Cool Try this one. . .

10 TRUTHS BLACK AND HISPANIC PEOPLE KNOW, BUT WHITE PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT:

1. Elvis is dead.

2. Jesus was not White.

3. Rap music is here to stay

4. Kissing your pet is not cute or clean.

5. Skinny does not equal sexy.

6. Thomas Jefferson had black children.

7. A 5 year child is too big for a stroller.

8. N' SYNC will never hold a candle to the Jackson 5

9. An occasional BUTT whooping helps a child stay in line.

10. Having your children curse you out in public is not normal.



10 TRUTHS WHITE AND BLACK PEOPLE KNOW, BUT HISPANIC PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT:



1. Hickey's are not attractive.

2. Chicken is food, not a roommate.

3. Jesus is not a name for your son.

4. Your country's flag is not a car decoration.

5. Maria is a name but not for every other daughter.

6. "Jump out and run" is not in any insurance policies.

7. 10 people to a car is considered too many.

8. Buttoning just the top button of your shirt is a bad fashion statement.

9. Mami and Papi can't possibly be the nickname of every person in your family

10.Letting your children run wildly through the store is not normal.



10 TRUTHS WHITE AND HISPANIC PEOPLE KNOW, BUT BLACK PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT:



1. O. J. did it.

2. Tupac is dead.

3. Teeth should not be decorated.

4. Weddings should start on time.

5. Your pastor doesn't know everything.

6. Jesse Jackson will never be President.

7. RED is not a kool-aid flavor, it's a color.

8. Church does not require expensive clothes.

9. Crown Royal bags are meant to be thrown away.

10.Your rims and sound system should not be worth more than your car.
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Old 06-29-2005, 01:18 PM   #3
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Three men are standing on the roof of a huge skyscraper in New York. One of the men says to the other two:

"You know, this is a very very busy city as far as traffic's concerned, and the traffic is so intense down there, that all the friction causes lots of heat. This heat actually comes up in rising hot air, so that you could jump off this building, and float right back up."

One of the other two is clearly amazed by this, in disbelief, constantly saying 'No way, man' to the first man. So, to prove his point, the original speaker jumps off the building. Sure enough, a few tense seconds pass, and he comes right back up.

The second man is completely stunned, and decides to try it for himself. He runs, and jumps off the edge. Seconds later a large squishy collision is heard from the sidewalk. The third looks at the smiling first man, and says:

"Superman, you're a real son of a bitch sometimes."

P.S. For the lamest joke ever see our nameless manga
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Old 07-03-2005, 06:51 AM   #4
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yea I got one
Why was Michael Jackson at K mart?

He heard boy pants where half off
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Old 07-03-2005, 07:41 AM   #5
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Once there was a man who retired already and wanted to see this very rare animal, the white monkey,found on the tallest tree of this jungle.He had to take a plane then a train followed by a jeep into the jungle.

So on the plane when the person next to him found out he was going to see the white monkey he said 'Whatever you do don't touch the white monkey' and so the man moved on and on the train...the ticket collector upon knowing what he was going to do said the same thing 'Whatever you do don't touch the white monkey' wondering why they said that he went to rent a jeep to drive into the jungle.Surprisingly,the person in-charge said the same thing too!

After that he went to find the tallest tree and soon enough he found it and right on the top was the white monkey!He quickly climbed up the tree and forgot everybody's warning and he touched the white monkey!The white monkey's cute face turned into one with bloodshot eyes and the man just climbed down as quickly as possible,jumped onto the jeep and drove away....looking behind he saw the white monkey chasing him.......

Arriving at the rental stall he left the jeep outside and hid in the toilet...a few seconds later there was a knock on the door and slowly it became very fast and hard and..BOOM the door fell and there stood the fierce white monkey....the monkey put its hand on the man and said......

You touch me, i touch you

i know i posted this in the konoha 5 FC before but i thought i post this again for everyone to see^^
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Old 07-03-2005, 07:54 AM   #6
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HAHAHAHA...I always liked the ending of that joke, lapinky. It was a good one. It changed my mood to happy before when you first said it in the FC.
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Old 07-03-2005, 08:32 AM   #7
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Thanks^^okay got another one^^
2 children were watching a boat pull a man on skis, little lucy asked "what makes the boat go so fast?"her brother said "its because the man is chasing it" not sure if its funny to you people but it was to me XD
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Old 07-03-2005, 11:36 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lapinky
Thanks^^okay got another one^^
2 children were watching a boat pull a man on skis, little lucy asked "what makes the boat go so fast?"her brother said "its because the man is chasing it" not sure if its funny to you people but it was to me XD
then you must think a lot of things are funny
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Old 07-03-2005, 11:49 AM   #9
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heres another one
Sesame street:
Elmo: cmon Oscar cheer up
Oscar: BITCH I LIVE IN A FUCKIN TRASH CAN!!!
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Old 07-03-2005, 01:23 PM   #10
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i have one but its on a different thread called a story.
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Old 07-04-2005, 01:08 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by colini
then you must think a lot of things are funny
Yea..but my friend is worst..she can just laugh at anything even if its not funny XD wierd!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Satoshi-Kun
heres another one
Sesame street:
Elmo: cmon Oscar cheer up
Oscar: BITCH I LIVE IN A FUCKIN TRASH CAN!!!
LMAO that is funny XD

ok...*thinks of something*

Salesman:Little boy, is your mother at home?
Willy:Yes,Sir
Salesman (after knocking on the door for sometime and getting no reply)
:I thought you said she was at home?
Willy:She is, but we don't live here
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Old 07-04-2005, 07:33 PM   #12
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Lol, here's another:

A little boy picks up a ringing phone.

"Hello?"
"Hi son, it's Daddy. Is Mommy there?"
"Yes Daddy, but she's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Fred."
"Who?"
"Uncle Fred, Daddy."
"What are they doing up there?"
"I'm not sure but I think Uncle Fred getting rid of a mouse for mommy, because there's a lot of noise and Mommy keeps screaming."
"Ah, ok son, I want you to go upstairs and tell them both that my car's just pulled up into the garage, then come back and tell me what happened."
"Ok Daddy."

There's a tense and silent duration before the he comes back.

"I did what you asked, Daddy."
"And what did Mommy and Uncle Fred do?"
"Well, Mommy pushed Uncle Fred off the bed and started yelling, but as she was getting dressed she slipped and fell and now she's all still. And Uncle Fred must've forgot that you emptied the swimming pool for cleaning last week, because he jumped out of the window and now he's all still too."

There was a really tense silence, followed by the man's voice:

"Swimming pool? Is this 548 6517?"
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Old 07-08-2005, 01:43 AM   #13
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hehehe, thats funny.


here's mine:

So a guy walks into the doctor's office to get his prostate check. The doctor says he found something and has to check it, and he says he has to put a tube up the man's butt. So the man bends over and lets the doctor do the check up.

then the doctor tells him that he's to stick the tube u his butt everyday for fifteen minutes, and then he leaves.

later on that night, the man asks his wife to put in the tube. The woman puts a hand on his shoulder and the other below hiim so that she can do it when all of a sudden, he says, " HOLY SHIT!"

she panicks and asks what, and he explains, " I just realized something, the doctor had both hands on my shoulders..."
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