We all love Final Fantasy, right? Its imaginative world building and the expansive cast of heroes and villains that tug at our heartstrings and inspire our minds. When it comes to these aforementioned characters, though, they tend to feel a bit over designed, especially in the hair department. Nowadays, the focus on realism looks to be setting a more tame tone, but to forget tragedies past will only open the way for history to repeat itself. And we can’t let that happen, can we?
1. Seymour Guado’s Antlers (Final Fantasy X)
Guado are the Final Fantasy X equivalent of elves, so they are bizarre and naturalistic. Long fingers, hairy bodies, live in trees, etc. But what is the explanation for their incredibly strange hairstyle choices? I can’t imagine they just wake up like that, keeping it natural like they were way too into Sublime in the 90’s. Very patient and strenuous technique goes into Guado dos. Picture what sort of Ghandi-level saint wakes up everyday to give Seymour, leader of the Guado, his signature antlers.
Walking with something like that on your head can’t be easy. Wide, meaning he getting caught on doors is now a possibility. It’s not incredibly aerodynamic, either. When a breeze comes, how much focus goes into making sure he doesn’t spontaneously turn in random directions due to wind resistance?
2. Sazh’s Chocobo Nest (Final Fantasy XIII)
A pretty well designed character, Sazh is one of the few coherent characters in Final Fantasy XIII. He knows what he wants and why he does the things he does. Mostly. There’s no explanation for why he keeps a chocobo in his coif, but if there was I’m confident that it would be terrible.
I get that it’s a pet for his son, but wouldn’t a bird cage be more appropriate? Maybe with one of those auto feeders and a water bottle, so that the bird can, I dunno, live? And did it have to be THAT chocobo chick, considering they breed them pretty regularly in Cocoon? Aren’t parents supposed to be good at pretending your pets didn’t die tragically, replacing it before you get home from school with an identical critter?
3. Serah’s Side Ponytail (Final Fantasy XIII-2)
If you ever needed more proof that the Final Fantasy XIII trilogy was actually just a weird Saved by the Bell fanfic, may I direct you to Serah’s righteous side ponytail. A shoulder slumped sweatshirt and AC Slater’s varsity jacket would make her the 90’s teen heartthrob we deserve.
It’s not that her asymmetrical hairstyle is bad, per say. It just begs the question “Why?” Sorta like the FFXIII-2, itself.
