Alright, nerds. Deadpool 2 is coming into your theater soon, and unless you’ve been living under an Infinity Stone for the past few years, you know how exciting that is. Deadpool combines the relentless charm of Ryan Reynolds, the looks of an overcooked pizza, and the gratuitous body count of Man of Steel.
But if you somehow don’t know the difference between Deadpool and Van Wilder, which we understand because they are super similar, here are some things you need to know about Wade Wilson and why he’s the biggest bleepin’ badass out there.
1. He has an accelerated healing factor. Yes, it’s like Wolverine’s. They’re also both Canadian. But Wade is taller, and fewer people like him. He also only has one indestructible “bone.”
2. In the comics, he got his powers from the Weapon X program. OK, look. He and Wolverine have a lot in common. It’s like comic book writers only have so many ideas.
3. Deadpool hosted the Venom symbiote just after Spider-Man did. You won’t see that in a movie, though, because those rights would be impossible to sort out.
4. Wade doesn’t always play well with others, but he has teamed up with X-Force and had his own squad, Mercs for Money. But he still won’t take the X-Men’s calls. That’s definitely it. It’s not that they don’t actually want him around. What did they tell you?
5. Deadpool has the handwriting of an angel.
6. His biggest fear is cows. That’s not ridiculous. Have you ever really looked at a cow? That baleful stare is so haunting.
7. Deadpool gets all his weapons from his buddy Weasel, whose real name is Jack Hammer. But he doesn’t use that name in the movies because it’s way cooler than “Wade Wilson.” It pays to be the star.
8. In addition to his quick healing, Wade has super-fast reflexes, speed, and agility. But they don’t always work. A lot of guys have that problem sometimes, alright?
9. Wade can speak Japanese, German, Spanish, and Esperanto, which lets him play himself in international printings of the comics.
10. His most formidable superpower is the ability to annoy anyone. If Domino can count “luck,” he’s taking this.
Now that you’re totally oversold, go see Deadpool 2. Yeah, this was an ad. Why else do you think people make these things?