St. Patrick’s Day. A holiday that, in America, we’ve replaced a long, convoluted history with the dedicated tradition of heavy drinking and mistake making. Also: wearing green and dressing up like leprechauns. All in all, something our international neighbors can be proud of. In honor of the glorious crapstorm that can be America’s Drinking Night, we honor a select few prolific drinkers in video games. These men and women take the fine art of boozing to new heights – really changing the drinking game for the people around them.
Duke Nukem
Duke has always been a good person to look to if you’re up for making poor decisions. If there’s anything he can do better then swear and shoot aliens, it’s drink his face off. Surprise twist: it only ever took him one nondescript beer to get him thoroughly toasted.
The Kid
Bastion is a game about many things: redemption, perseverance, loneliness, etc. However, the game may also be about something more insidious – heavy drinking. After unlocking the distillery, you are encouraged to take spirits with you on your travels. A dangerous prospect for future world savers.
Shepherd
Commander Shepherd has a hard job. Everyone in the galaxy knows that. No one thinks twice when she steps off the Normandy to grab some R&R. Normally, that could involve a little two-stepping on the dance floor and sometimes grabbing a drink. Or six.
Bad Girl
One of the most perfectly named characters in video games is also one of the drunkest. Being an assassin in No More Heroes can make life’s wonders seem less, well, wonderful. So when the sociopath in her started to surface, she decided to ease the pain by drinking more, and she hasn’t slowed down since.
Marston
John Marston is a man of many talents, the most impressive being how many steps he’s willing to to take after putting away a bar’s tour of shots. Stumbling like a baby learning to walk, he turns around too fast and gets in the vicinity of every obstacle. It’s blackout time.
Bo Rai Cho
A drunken master of sorts, Bo finds himself throwing up on people and falling over more often than actually hitting his opponents. Granted, when you could potentially be fighting monsters like Reptile and Goro, a consistent buzz might be warranted.
Geralt of Rivia
When Geralt decides its time to partake, its usually after he’s already drank one of the many tonics he’s crafted to enhance his abilities. Too much buzz is a bad thing, because it can actually kill Geralt in game. But potions are part of what make him so special, so moderation be damned.
Max Payne
Max Payne has been using alcohol to help him party sad for many years. Mixed with painkillers, Max becomes one of them most somber killing machines in video games. There’s no ambiguity either; what Max does to a bottle of whisky can only be described as abuse.
What other lushes have we missed? Comment below or tweet @CurseGamepedia with your favorite drinkers.