I remember where I was when I first heard the news – at a Starbucks watching the barista butcher my name. As the news rolled in over Twitter, I couldn’t help but recoil into my own thoughts. “Zayn Malik is leaving One Direction.” I said to myself. “What do I do?” I resolved around “continue drinking my chai latte.”
But then I learned that 13 year old girls are quite literally crying on the Internet over this heartbreaking turn of events. I was taken aback by the Internet’s collective bereavement. So much so, I felt I had to do something. Like go out of my way to find a suitable replacement.
And so I dedicate this to you, Internet Teenager in Mourning.
Sora (Kingdom Hearts 2)
He’s young and hip, and might have an actual key to your heart. The overshorts are an iffy style choice, but the makes the hoodie work. And you know what they say about guys with uncomfortably large feet?
Dante (Devil May Cry 4)
He is the prototypical ladies man, especially if you look like his long dead mother. He can play guitar, loves roses, and really wears the hell out of red leather. Just imagine how many one liners you’d hear in a single concert.
Vamp (Metal Gear Solid 4)
Vamp is oozing sex appeal. And that accent, am I right? Added bonus: since he technically can’t be killed by 99% of terrestrial means, he’ll be around to cherish and worship you forever. He’s got a really weird thing for knives, but I feel like thats just a small barrier.