Let’s completely disregard the how’s and why’s of some of the members on this list. Let’s push aside their cultural footprints or what they mean for the medium at large. Let’s just focus in on one self-evident fact: every member of the list has an incredibly weird body.
And not in a “ew, what’s that growing out of you?” way. These people aren’t supposed to be mutants or aliens. They’re supposed to be eccentric caricatures of you and I. They have the eccentric part down, at least.
Zangief (Street Fighter 4)
This Russian wrestler is probably the poster child for aggressively crazy physiques (and incredible stereotypes). The muscles on this man are absolutely stunning, as they should be, for a man who wrestles bears, I suppose.
Bane (Arkham Origins)
Don’t do drugs, kids. Seriously, it might sound cool to be able to become a human Kool Aid man, but once you realize your head is the smallest thing on your body, you’ll probably change your tune? Bane’s enormity and subsequent madness is an allegory for what sacrifices one sometimes makes when looking outside of natural means for enhancement.
Juggernaut (Marvel vs Capcom 2)
Juggernaut is large, yes. But it’s his head and hands that are the most ridiculous parts of his massive body. He can hold Spider Man in one hand and throw him like a baseball. I get that artists tend to over-exaggerate features in order to emphasize dominance, but in a game where other humans are rendered pretty average (like Spider Man) this has to be called out.
Super Macho Man (Punch Out!)
As almost self fulfilling proof of how ridiculous his physique is, Super Macho Man takes every chance he gets to show it off to whoever’s watching. Like another famous Macho Man, he prioritizes flair and showmanship over actual competition. His pecs do more boxing than his fists.
Ivy (SoulCaliber 4)
So, Ivy isn’t so much totally ludicrous. Only partially so. A very conspicuous part, that keeps finding ways to get more and more exposed (and larger) after every sequel. I honestly don’t know how she keeps surviving these swordfights she gets herself into. And there has to be back pain, right?
Rayman (Rayman Legends)
Not strictly human, and therefore somewhat inadmissible, but it’s worth mentioning that he doesn’t have legs or arms, but DOES have hands and feet. The convenience of not having a concrete maximum wingspan is pretty awesome, but wearing sweaters must be difficult. And coats. Definitely coats.
Craig Marduk (Tekken 6)
Marduk is a giant Australian mixed martial artist based, in part, off of real life MMA stars Bob Sapp and Nathan Jones. Neither one of those people can look a standing grizzly bear in the face. Marduk can, for some reason. Did I mention that a grizzly can get up to nine and a half feet tall when standing? Take that in.
There’s plenty more where that came from, right? Hit up @CurseGamepedia on Twitter, or leave you’re weirdest, most ludicrous physique in the comments below.