Watching bad movies, like really, really bad movies, is almost as fun as watching good ones. When a film is so bad it’s good, it’s great. While there are a tonne of films we could have included on here for lines of just awful dialogue (we’re looking at you, The Wicker Man), those films are generally just not good films.
Sometimes though, great films have just that little snag that pulls you out of the action and makes you go, “wait, did they really just say that?”. Those bad lines of dialogue can, in some cases, totally ruin the film or make it much less serious and enjoyable than before.
We’ve thrown together all of these terrible lines from otherwise great films to show you just how easily they can ruin things.
Total Recall
The 1990 classic features a tense showdown near the end. Ronny Cox, playing the villain Cohaagen, is monologuing as all baddies are prone to, and drops in this bizarre and weird threat to the hero, played by Arnold Schwarzenegger.
“In 30 seconds you’ll be dead and I’ll blow this place up and be home in time for Cornflakes”.
Why does he time his day around cornflakes? Why is that his go-to food? Are cornflakes a crucial part of his daily routine? We’re thinking this sounds like a bad product placement.
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
There are some pretty great and memorably bad lines in this otherwise fun fantasy flick but one really stands out for us. At the start of the film, when Harry arrives with the Weasley family at the Quidditch World Cup, they find themselves staying in a tiny tent that, amazingly, turns out to be much bigger on the inside. This leads Harry to pronounce that he, a wizard, loves magic.
“I love magic”.
It’s a weird signposting that just totally does not need to be in the film. It’s a film about magic, get it? We’re in a magic world where magic is real and we’ve seen magic for the past three films, better remind everyone with this clumsy bit of dialogue.
Star Wars Episode II: The Attack of the Clones
If you’re at all aware of the world of cinema, you’ll know that George Lucas, while a genuine film genius, struggles somewhat with writing dialogue. Star Wars was bound to pop up on this list somewhere and, while there are a few choice contenders for worst lines (“but I was going to the Tosche Station to pick up some power converters!”), Anakin’s line in the second prequel takes the biscuit.
Explaining to his caretaker-turned-girlfriend Padme why he likes being with her during their awkward courting scenes, he delivers this profound observation.
“I don’t like sand. It’s course, it’s rough, it’s irritating. And it gets everywhere! Not like here. Here everything is soft… and smooth”.
It’s just the most bizarre way to tie his traumatic, presumably sand-filled past to his present. The flute music in the background doesn’t help at all, nor the fact that Anakin says “everything is soft and smooth” while blatantly staring at Padme’s chest.
X-Men
The 2000 ignition of the big-screen X-Men franchise has certainly aged but it’s a classic film important for introducing us to a lot of our favourite characters. Arguably the success of the franchise charged up the superhero movies trend and brought us to our comic-book soaked present.
When Toad, a mutant with the powers of a toad, naively decides to go head-to-head with Storm, a mutant with the powers of a storm, he gets blown away by some slow motion lightning and follows this with a cheesy scream and splash into the sea. But Storm’s line right before makes us really question the film’s commitment to being taken seriously.
“Do you know what happens to a toad when it’s struck by lightning? The same thing that happens to everything else”.
Thanks for clarifying that one, Storm.
Once Upon a Time in Mexico
2003’s Once Upon a Time in Mexico is an old fashioned Western shoot ’em up in the tradition of the great Clint Eastwood movies. It’s got a seriously star-studded cast including Antonio Banderas, Salma Hayek, Johnny Depp, Mickey Rourke, Eva Mendes, Danny Trejo, and even Enrique Iglesias (!).
While the film is generally violent and gory, with people trading witticisms before blowing each other away, this scene is notorious for its seriously inept reach for a pun that just doesn’t quite work. Johnny Depp is speaking to Danny Trejo who dosen’t think it’s a good idea to talk to the cartels before Depp asks:
“Are you a Mexi-can or a Mexi-can’t?”
You can see what they’re trying to do here but even this smooth delivery can’t hide how terrible this pun is in an otherwise straight-faced action film.
Four Weddings and a Funeral
Four Weddings is another of those tweed British comedies that cemented Hugh Grant in his role as bumbling-but-charming British gent in a roundabout quest for love that he went on to play in just about everything else he’s been in.
This scene right at the end though has us wondering just what writer Richard Curtis has envisioned when he wrote the lines. At the end of the film Andie McDowell goes to see Hugh Grant at his house and the pair have a revelation while water pours from the sky. McDowell responds at one point by seeming completely oblivious to this fact.
“Is it still raining? I hadn’t noticed”
Yes it’s still raining. You’re actively getting rained upon by rain that is falling out of the air and onto you. We get it’s meant to be a “I’m so lost in the moment” line but couldn’t they have thought of something else?
I, Robot
If anyone out there has watched I, Robot when it first came out in 2004 and hasn’t watched it since, you might be under the delusion that this is a smart, sci-fi action film featuring Will Smith. You would be wrong. Time is cruel but this film has aged terribly. The slick one-liners that Smith drops throughout the film (along with that ridiculous bit of Converse product placement) are so bad that they’re now hilariously funny.
This one line is a pretty good example of just how weird the dialogue is. Smith has just been attacked by a bunch of robots and is telling his boss about them. Since it’s a conspiracy, the robots have all vanished or destroyed themselves to evade discovery, leading Smith to shout at his boss for not believing him:
“THE GODDAMN ROBOTS, JOHN!”
Something about this line is just so weirdly jarring that it really makes you wonder whether this film isn’t meant to be a comedy.
There Will Be Blood
The Cohen brother’s epically brutal There Will Be Blood is a washed-out, edge of your seat thriller that builds slowly to an epic showdown with unflinching gore peppered throughout — so, much like every other Cohen film.
It’s grounded in the early 1800s and stars Daniel Day-Lewis, an actor famed for his method approach and never breaking character. That’s why when Kevin J O’Connor turns up at Lewis’ doorstep claiming to be a long lost relative, his choice of words immediately takes you out of the film.
“I’m your brother… from another mother”
What? This isn’t New York in the 80s, why drop this weirdly out of place rhyme into the script? It’s totally wrong and comically out of place.
Titanic
One of the great tear-jerkers of cinema history, Titanic is the incredible true story of the doomed passenger ship designed and built as the strongest, safest ship in the world. They clearly hadn’t taken into account the massive icebergs that float on the ship’s intended route between England and America.
Featuring a young Leonardo DiCaprio as a ruffian stowaway who charms the upper-class Kate Winslet and teaches her to fly (kind of), it’s a charming cinematic classic. However, the film infuriates with that one famous line that leaves you wondering just how much Winslet really loved DiCaprio.
“I’ll never let go, I promise”
Winslet says, right before she lets go. DiCaprio is presumably already dead at this point since he stayed in the freezing water so that Winslet could rest on the easily-big-enough-for-the-two-of-them door.
Honourable Mention
Salmon Fishing in the Yemen is both a great film and also a comically terrible one once you start looking at it in that light. It’s not a line of dialogue so much that really pushes it over the edge but a weird fishing attack. When Ewan McGregor’s character is fishing in the Scottish Highlands with the Yemeni sheikh who is intent on building a salmon run in his home country, they are attacked by a rogue assassin. McGregor turns to his trusty fishing rod and manages to… fly fish (?) the man into submission. It’s hilariously bad in an otherwise pretty great film.
Terrible lines make an otherwise great film just a little bit silly. It’s the not-supposed-to-be-funny stuff that sticks in people’s minds and makes you take the film far less seriously once it’s over. Those lines are the ones we remember for their awfulness, even if the film itself is still good.
When it comes to drink driving, it’s the same. Bad decisions can redefine your life, and can negatively affect you and everyone else in the end. When it comes to drink driving, it’s not all good, it’s all bad.